


Burn

by demonsrun



Series: Burn [1]
Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hopeless Romantic, Light-Hearted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 39
Words: 83,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4628322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsrun/pseuds/demonsrun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Burn or be burned, my love"<br/>Erudite was the only home Amelia Garner knew. But a year before her Choosing, a chance meeting and an unlikely friendship will make her question everything.<br/>Now with the choice made, Amelia must fight to keep her place, hide her past, and decide if the storm-cloud boy who still used her full name was worth burning for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first piece so please be gentle haha feedback and comments will be much appreciated!

I was eight years old when I realized there was no one kind of person in the world. There was exactly five.

Our city, encased by the towering boundary walls, our entire world. We had everything we needed, schools, a government and above all, protection from what lay beyond the gates.

My name is Amelia Garner, but Amy, to absolutely everyone. I was born in Erudite and have devoted my fifteen years of existence to fit the perfect Erudite mould, everything from my grades, to the meticulous creases in my trousers were to be proud of. My parents and I lived in the northernmost district of the Erudite sector, one of the furthest from the school and the laboratory both my mother and father worked at, They had a car and I walked myself to the train platform every day. Most of my schoolmates were dropped and collected from the front of the school by their parents in their gleaming chrome cars, but I liked the peace and quiet the train provided (unless the Dauntless were on board), and it was nice to switch my brain off for a while.

That was where he first spoke to me.

Our house was identical to those all around it, a white concrete cube centred on a square lawn, perfect little paths led from the street up to every front door.

I was in my final year of general school. In a little over twelve months my classmates and I would undergo the Aptitude exams and the Choosing Ceremony where we would decide our futures and progress to the specified faction further-education.

As we were all still dependants, our school was integrated between all five of the factions, mainly we split into our specialized classes, ours were sciences, advanced mathematics and computer technology, but for an hour a day we all combined for faction history.

Though we were social enough, Erudite children never really formed true friendships. I suppose we were raised to think relationships got in the way of progress and knowledge, but it really did get terribly lonely.

There's one girl in my class, Sonia, who would have to be my closest thing to a friend. Her parents are scientists like mine and we sat together in every class and during breaks. She is what everyone refers to as "perfect". Impeccably put together, polite, well spoken, outstanding grades, it's practically been common knowledge that Jenine Matthews has had her eyes on her for years.

It almost makes me feel bad about myself whenever I compare myself to Sonia, even worse when my parents do.

"We're so proud of your test results Amy, I bet Sonia did fantastic too"

"You should invite Sonia around more often"

"Did you hear Sonia has already been recommended for the leadership apprenticeship program?"

There was no way I could compete with that, so I always just kept my head down and mentally kicked myself for not being smart enough.

One day after school, I climbed onto the train, still frowning about the B+ I'd just received in Biology (Sonia got an A+). I made my way down the aisle and plonked myself into an empty seat, kicking my bag under the seat in front of me; I turned out the window and prepared myself to stare into space the whole trip home. My mind wandered to the next few years, when I'd be no longer dependant. Would I be smart enough to work with my parents in the laboratory? Or would I be stuck being a daft receptionist. Even worse, I could be too stupid to pass Erudite initiation after the Choosing ceremony. Wind up factionless.

This is all too terrifying to even think about right now, I shake the thoughts from my mind.

"Is this seat taken?"

I jumped, startled by the voice right beside me. I looked up and saw him. One hand gripping the handles that swung from the ceiling, the other, clutching a stack of books to his chest. Eric.

He raises an eyebrow impatiently and I collect myself fast enough to slide closer to the window, he says nothing and swings himself into the empty aisle spot.

Eric was our next door neighbours son, a year older than I. He'd be just about to begin his final exams and Aptitude Test. Another text-book example of the perfect Erudite, his sandy blonde hair, just long enough to show that it was actually wavy, was almost combed neat, and his pale blue button-up was always ironed to exactness. You never saw him without a book in his hands; he was an unbelievably quiet achiever.

The train had started to build up speed and I returned to my blurry window scenery, extremely conscious of the carriages movement, brushing our shoulders together. A few minutes in, I realized how guarded I was, having him in such close proximity. How careful of my movements and breathing I'd become.

I dared a quick glance from the corner of my eye. I had just enough time to note the strong lines of his jaw and cheekbones, before he looked directly at me, brows furrowed. I hastily shifted my gaze out the carriage window beyond him, as if I'd just been looking at something interesting on the far side of the train, before staring back at my lap.

I felt his gaze linger on me for a moment more before he turned back to the front of the train.

What was with this guy? I mean, it's normal to be a tad unsocial in our faction, but Eric was something else. Not rude or anything, intimidating?

The train began to slow, my stop was approaching. Our stop, I realized, as he rose to his feet and jerked his head almost irritably to imply I stand and join the exiting queue in front of him.

I think I tried to pull my expression into the shape of something grateful, but I may have just blushed. I rose up out of my seat and gripped the side of the chair in front waiting for the train to finally stop, I could actually feel his breathing, warm on the exposed skin beneath my ponytail, I shuddered.

Once stationary, the crowd of Erudite began to file off, on the platform, some grouped off and some walked alone as he headed toward home in different directions. Dozens of us, like a tidal wave of blue-clothed ocean, begin to flood the Erudite streets.

I start walking toward home when I'm suddenly aware Eric is right beside me again.

"See you tomorrow Amelia" he says quietly, eyes locked with mine for only a second. Before I can even put together a response, he strides right past me and in the direction of our street without looking back.

I take a second to collect myself, frown and then follow his path, careful not to walk too close behind.


	2. Romeo and Juliet

Once home, I let myself in the front door. I carefully place my school shoes on the shoe rack my mother insists upon. Both my parents wouldn’t be home for another few hours so I drag my schoolbag to my bedroom, maybe I’d use this time to finish all the assignments we were given today, start making some moves on this being-less-daft plan of mine.  
I’d made it halfway through my literature essay before my mind wandered to Eric back on the train.  
We had lived next to the Stantons’ all my life. His father was a well up there Leader and his mother had died six years ago. Even when I was little I remembered him actively keeping to himself. Once when I was six I was playing in our small backyard hunting the grass for bugs, I saw him over our fence, a little seven year old Eric perched on his back steps with a book in his lap. I made a “come over” gesture, but he ignored me and held the book closer to his face.  
I’d never seen any other boys his age, hanging around his house, even girls. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’d even see him with anyone at school. At sixteen with no friends, no mother, and only a father who worked twelve hour days, surely he must be lonely.  
I pushed all thoughts of little-boy Eric from my head and turned back to my Shakespeare. He obviously prefers it that way; he never tries to be nice to anyone. It’s just his decision.  
The next morning, I pulled my long, blonde waves into as neat a ponytail I could manage and stared at my reflection. I’d never really dwelled much on my appearance. My mother had told me I was pretty, but grades were always more important.  
Turning my head this way and that, I examined my face, awfully pale, and if you looked close enough you could just make out the faintest freckles over my nose. My eyes weren’t bad, I suppose, especially when they weren’t masked behind my thick-framed reading glasses, large-ish, jade green and framed in thick, dark blonde lashes. My hair was the one thing I adored. The colour of wheat like my mothers, dense and wavy like dads. I’d grown it long, down to the centre of my back. It took a lot of work to tame it into the beautiful ponytail that all Erudite girls wore, but in the morning, it was wild and messy. I loved it, my own secret little rebellion.  
Glancing at my watch, I hoisted my school bag over my shoulder and stepped out of the house, the sun was rising bright and I had to squint as I locked the front door behind me.  
I’d made it a few houses up the road when I heard a door close behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Eric walking up his own front path. I quickened my pace to keep ahead.  
It usually took eight minutes to walk from my house to the train, but today with Eric just meters behind me, it seemed to take so much longer. His footsteps like a steady heartbeat.  
Once I reached the platform, I felt myself relax as I merged with all the other Erudite students and lost sight of Eric.  
The train pulled up shortly after and I was one of the first to climb on. As usual, the morning train was practically empty and I found myself an empty window seat. Waiting or everyone to board I fidgeted with my backpack on my lap, when I feel him standing right beside my seat, I look up as he’s already sliding in beside me. He faces me and we lock eyes. His are intense, steely-grey and cold as frost.  
I become conscious that I’m gawking and I quickly compose myself, he notices this of course, and I swear the smallest smile I’ve ever seen flashes over his face, before it promptly goes blank again and he turns away.  
I spend the rest of the commute confused and frowning.  
After what feels like an eternity, we arrive at the school stop. And as it was yesterday, he stands up first and makes room for me in front of him, then as soon as my feet touch the platform it’s as if we’d never met.  
Later that day, Sonia and I sat in the cafeteria. I picked at my pasta salad while Sonia was telling me all about the results of her history paper and what she could have done better. I’m only half listening though, partly, because I see no point discussing already graded assignments, and the other part (the slightly bigger part), is that my mind has wandered to the furthest corner of the bustling cafeteria. Eric is sitting against the wall, frowning at a book in one hand while resting his chin on his other, somehow on a table of his own despite the packed eating hall. He seemed completely oblivious to the chaos surrounding him.  
‘Sonn?” I cut her off, “what do you know about Eric Stanton?”  
She chewed her sandwich and glanced in Eric’s direction, “Why?” she frowns back at me.  
Sonia’s favourite pastime, answering questions, with more questions.  
“No reason, he lives next door to me and I’ve never really spoken to him”  
“Well” Sonia sighs, “He’s a bit odd isn’t he? I mean, very reclusive, always on his own, unbelievably quiet, I mean, I don’t actually think I’ve ever heard him speak. To anyone. He just sort of… I don’t know, gives me the chills” she feigns a shudder.  
That’s my Sonia. Honest to the bone and uncontrollably harsh. I looked back to Eric. He was still deeply immersed in his book, eyebrows knit together in concentration. Sure, he didn’t look friendly, sitting there like that, maybe even a little intimidating.  
He sat by me on the train home again, though there were plenty of empty seats. It was reassuring but strange to have him there, like he didn’t quite belong in this world, but I definitely didn’t mind the proximity.   
I wondered if this newfound comfort between us would lead to him walking me home, but once out of the carriage he turned to me with a quiet “See you Monday, Amelia” and strode right off.  
It was such an odd thing, whatever it was we had. It was all I could think of, our strange… friendship? As I walked behind him down our street. Frowning at that the back of that blonde head of his. I couldn’t figure him out. Did he want me to try talking to him? Or is it just an offhand courtesy and he’s just being polite? I can’t even begin to explain how strange this all was, but stranger still is that I couldn’t stop thinking about him.  
Without coming up with any answers, I was walked up the front path to my house; I glanced next door and saw Eric, at his own front door, fishing his keys from his coat pocket. He was already facing me. As my eyes met his, he flashed me a half smile. A smile I’ll always associate as his and only his. Sort of one third mysterious and two thirds smug.  
I opened my mouth as if I was going to say something but before I could formulate a word, Eric had pushed into his house and closed the front door. I let out a quiet frustrated groan, went inside and slammed the front door after me.  
Weekends in Erudite are usually spent tending to our houses or recreational study. That Saturday morning, I decided to have an early breakfast then make the four block walk up to the Erudite library. I didn’t want to do any bookwork, but the library was big and beautiful. Somewhere I could just read in peace.  
I was wrapping a long cobalt-blue scarf around my neck as I walked into the kitchen. My mother was fussing around with making breakfast, while dad sat at the table reading the weekend Erudite newsletter, he smiled when he saw me.  
‘Good morning Amelia, off to see some friends?’  
“No, just going to the library for a while. Might get some schoolwork done” I lied.  
“What about Sonia?” my mother adds as she places some toast in front of dad, “you should invite her to come study”  
“Then I wouldn’t be able to focus, besides, I’m sure she’s busy working on her own school stuff. I’ll see her on Monday” I start toward the door and before they can say anything else I’m away “I’ll be home in a few hours! Bye!”.  
It’s a brisk morning and I pull my coat tighter around me as I start up the road. There were very few of my neighbours out working in their gardens, I say gardens loosely though, tiny paved areas with maybe a few hedges and potted orchids thrown in.  
The library was one of the largest building in our sector, about the size of ten houses, its walls were gleaming polished white stone and low flat steps fed up to the front doors. Inside, one half of the space was filled with computers and filing cabinets, the other with millions of books and desks.   
My favourite section was the few shelves at the back that housed the oldest of the books. Big leather bound, yellowing dust collectors, their information recorded and made digital years ago. But they remained here almost forgotten. I liked them because they were different, our computers needed updating all the time, but these remained constant. When they were published, the text in them was believed so important and true that they were made immortal in ink and leather.  
I hung my coat up near the front entrance and headed straight to those back shelves. There was never anyone there, unless they’d gotten lost trying to find the bathroom. I wandered up the aisle, trailing my fingers along the books’ battered spines as I scanned their titles.  
I pulled out a particularly beautiful, gold inlaid copy of Romeo and Juliet. I was absently turning its well-worn pages, when I registered a presence a few feet away from me. I whirled around, so startled that the book left my hands and I had to fumble to catch it back up before it could hit the ground.  
Eric stood leaning against the end of the bookshelf, smirking.  
“Don’t you make any noise?!” I exclaimed, feeling my heart beat in my no-doubt reddening cheeks.  
He half smiled in amusement but said nothing, he slowly stepped forward and went to take the book from my vice-like hands, he frowned at me slightly and I released it.  
Flipping the book over, he stared blankly at the cover. “Anything interesting?”   
“Shouldn’t you be studying for finals?” I ask instead.  
He shrugs before dropping the book haphazardly balanced on top of the shelf.  
“or do you just like to enjoy stalking people through libraries on your Saturdays?” I snatched Romeo and Juliet from where it was balanced and carefully put it back amongst the other books. I thought I heard a breathy laugh from his direction.  
“No.. to both actually. I come here to think”  
I look up at him and he’s blankly staring into space.  
“About your Choosing?” I guess and its startling how fast this brings his attention back to me.  
He says nothing for a moment, just frowns.  
“Walk with me, Amelia” Its not a question.  
“What?” This surprises me. He turns on his heel and starts walking away.   
“The books aren’t going anywhere” He calls over his shoulder.  
I don’t know what goes through my mind, I know this is crazy, but I follow him anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im desperately trying to post more often and im sorry haha  
> again, comments and feedback are greatly appreciated


	3. Friends and Enemies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried so hard to post this chapter quicker and make it longer than the others, like so hard haha Feedback is always sweet x

I grab my coat and scarf and tailed him out the front doors. The sun had finally started to warm the air.  
For about ten minutes we walk in silence. Eric stares ahead, hands in his coat pockets, while I steal sideways glances at him. We’ve made our way to Millennium Park, a large manicured lawn and sculpture garden in the centre of our sector; it edges right up to the Erudite Headquarters.  
I almost run into the back of him when Eric halts at the foot of the fountain. A tall, granite structure; its clear water flowing freely over the five faction symbols carved in around its basin. He frowns at it for a moment before he speaks so quietly I could have almost imagined it.  
“What will you do after your Choosing next year?”  
I look at him, but he’s not meeting my eyes.  
“I don’t know… Work at the lab with my mother I suppose, get an apartment closer to town” I shrug.  
He nods slowly. “So you believe Erudite is where you belong?” With that, he looks directly at me for the first time since the library, it catches me off guard.  
“I... uh, yeah. I think so” I stammer.  
“You’ve never felt different? Like there was never anything else out there for you?” he stepped toward me, his face deadly serious.  
I paused; desperately trying to understand what he was saying.  
“I… I don’t know? Why are you asking these things?” A sudden thought crosses my mind and before I realize, I’ve closed the gap between us, “Is this about next week? When you have to choose?”  
I can tell he’s wrestling with his response as he clenches his jaw and leans against the edge of the fountain, frowning hard at the pavement.  
“Why are you telling me all this?” I whisper.  
That dangerous look flashes across his face.  
“I’ve got no one else, Amelia” When his eyes finally find mine again, the sadness in them in indisputable. I moved beside him.  
“No one, my mother’s gone and my fathers the last person I’d talk to” the mention of his father wiped all softness from his expression again.  
“I’m sorry” I say quietly, kicking myself for not coming up with a more comforting response.  
In one fluid movement he shifted to stand in front of me, one hand braced against the fountain and his head lowered so our faces were mere inches apart. “Don’t be sorry Garner. Never be sorry for me” How intense his eyes were, goose bumps prickled up my spine.  
“Amy??”  
Sonia had just come out of the Headquarters building with an armful of folders. Her eyes darting between the two of us uncertainly.  
“Sonia hey, what are you doing here?”   
She says nothing, her eyes now locked to the way Eric’s arm secured me between him and the fountain wall. He drops it as if reading her thoughts and shoves his hands back into his pockets.  
“Are you alright?” she turns to me, her features serious.  
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” I put on my best casual tone.  
“Why is he here?” she scoffs, making a point to scan him up and down. He stares right back at her, stone faced.  
“We ran in to each other at the library. Decided it was too nice a day to be inside and went for a walk” I shrug. Almost the truth, without mentioning my strange determination to figure him out being the reason why I said yes.  
She snorts incredulously, still assessing the situation.  
“Well” Eric finally speaks, the corner of his mouth turned up into a smug smile, “This little catch up is great. But I’m going to leave you girls to it”  
Sonia is practically glaring at him now.  
“Thanks for the walk Amelia” One more Eric smile and he walks off in the direction of home.  
I watch him saunter away for a moment before I’m brave enough to face Sonia again. When I finally do, she’s staring at me in what can best be described as ‘horror’.  
“What were you thinking Amy?! Eric Stanton? He was probably planning to drown you in the fountain!”  
I can’t help but laugh at her. She insists on walking me home so she can bombard me with questions. I answer them vaguely and cryptically, mostly because I enjoy watching my best friend not knowing something, but also because truthfully, I didn’t know myself.  
That night I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and replaying Eric’s words in my mind. Was he just stressed about his choosing? He’d already taken his aptitude test, so he should know. Maybe the thought of the rest of his life in his constant state of loneliness in Erudite, has him questioning himself. And why did he choose to tell me? Does he really have no other option? Or does he relate to me, like I don’t quite fit either? I fall asleep with a frown on my face.  
The next day I don’t leave the house, I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to see Eric and have that conversation go any further, or if I’m just afraid of how much I wanted to see him. I rewrite two homework assignments and clean my room as vigorously as I can until there’s no more room in my brain for anything Eric Stanton.  
Mondays are okay, I guess. I sit at the table and nibble at my toast, hardly listening to my parents’ conversation.  
“What do you think Amy?” my mother’s voice breaks me out of my daydreaming.  
“Sorry?”  
She frowns at me disapprovingly. “I was just saying that it would be a good idea for you to get your application for work experience in at the laboratory soon. You know the Internship Selection Committee can’t look past a good amount of work experience. A year would almost guarantee you a place after your initiation!” she folds her hands together enthusiastically.  
“oh, uh.. Yeah sure. I’ll pick one up after school today!” I try to mirror her fervour.  
“Excellent! And you know I’ll put in a good word for you” she’s distracted my looking at her watch, and by looking at her watch, I mean raising her wrist in front of her face to read the little gold face. “You’d better get a move on, dear”  
It’s definitely time to go to school. One more minute and my mother would have me applying for every internship in Erudite. I tell them both I’d see them tonight, grab my backpack and scarf, and leave the house.  
No sooner had I stepped onto the front path, I froze. There was a figure leaning against our front wall, back turned toward me. I slowly made my way up the path before I pushed through the low gate.  
“Good morning Amelia” Eric half smiled, looking amused at my uncertainty.  
“You’re waiting for me?” I raise an eyebrow “like, to walk together? We’re doing this now?” I point at the ground between us implying the whole situation.  
His smile intensifies before he turns and starts up the road.  
“Are you coming or what, Garner”.  
I sigh and jog to keep up with him. When we’re stride to stride, conversation ceases.  
After a minute or two my irritation wins out, “You’re definitely not walking with me for my conversation skills”  
“I thought you enjoyed our comfortable silence” he scoffs.  
My eyebrows rise without my permission. Did he just say ‘comfortable’ silence?   
“Fine” he sighs, “What do you want me to be talking about”  
“Just normal people things!” I exclaim.  
He says nothing and frowns straight ahead. This is going to be like pulling teeth.  
I extend my hand toward him “Hi, I’m Amy Garner”  
He looks at me incredulously.   
“Fine” I huff, shoving my hand into my coat pockets, “be that way”  
From the corner of my eye, I swear I saw him grin.  
As soon as the train arrived at the school, we went our separate ways just like we did every other day. I had no classes with Eric on Mondays and I had mixed feelings about that. On one hand, I was glad to have a break from his frustrating, confusing and quite frankly infuriating smug silence; but also disappointed because he just wouldn’t be there.  
Sonia closely monitored me through every morning class, as if I was one of our science lab experiments that needed to be observed for any changes. I ignored her just as thoroughly.  
When lunch break finally did arrive, we walked into the cafeteria. The hall was already packed and Sonia and I joined the end of the queue.  
“So have you picked up the work experience application yet?” Sonia asked.  
I sighed “Sonn, it’s Monday. Let me just focus on being awake”  
She snorts and I pull a face at her.  
The smile suddenly drops from Sonia’s face as something over my shoulder catches her eye; I spin around to see Eric leaving the beginning of the queue. His gaze finds mine as he tosses an apple into the air, he catches it again easily. He walks straight out of the cafeteria, only looking back once to smirk over his shoulder.  
I can feel Sonia seething beside me.  
“I don’t think you should have anything to do with him” she says plainly.  
“Sonia, he’s nothing like you think he is-“  
“He’s arrogant. And I don’t trust him” she interrupts me.  
“You hardly know him!” I exclaim.  
“Neither do you.” She frowns at me, before turning on her heel and storming out.  
Sonia didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day. We sat side by side in our last classes in complete silence. It was a relief when school ended and I walked out the school gates and up to the train platform.  
“Garner!” Eric jogged up beside me. “If we’re doing this walking together thing, we’re going to do it right. Hey you okay?” his tone shifts completely when he sees my face.  
“I’m fine. Just Sonia being dramatic” I sigh.  
“She thinks I’m bad news doesn’t she?” he says flatly.  
I look at him and he’s staring blankly straight ahead.  
“No, that’s just what she’s like-“  
“Amelia, everyone thinks I’m bad news. Not just your little friend” he says with a humourless laugh.  
“I don’t” I say too softly “I think that’s just what you want people to think” I watch his expression, expecting him to blow up.  
Instead, he raises a cynical eyebrow “Is that so?”  
“Yes” I say boldly. By now we’ve reached the train and it’s our turn to climb on.  
He steps aside and jerks his head at the carriage door and I pull myself up into it with the hand rail. Eric follows suit, hands gripping the rails either side of me. The carriage doors slide closed and I almost panic when he leans right into me, pressed against my back so close I can feel the heat radiating from his chest.   
His chin was so close that it grazed my ear as the train carriage swayed. Then he spoke so quietly it was almost a growl “Well then, Amelia, you have no idea”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for the comments and kudos, nothing makes me feel more warm and fuzzy than finishing work, sitting down to write and then feeling all special haha


	4. Revelations

We sat in our usual carriage. Eric in his “comfortable silence”, stone faced, staring straight ahead; I however was still shaking off the jitters from boarding the train. We’d brushed against each other before, Right? On the train and sometimes when we walked. But just now had been different, like it was intentional; and now he was just sitting there, completely blank and normal as if nothing had happened. Maybe I was losing it and it was really just the cramped entranceway of the carriage.  
We maintained this silence until we reached my house. My father, home early on Mondays, was just getting out of our car on the street, he grinned when he saw me, but his features shifted to that of surprise when he took in Eric beside me.  
“Amy! How was school? How are you Eric?” he smiled, but with the hint of suspicion still lingering in his eyes.  
“Mr Garner” Eric dipped his head politely.  
“School was good dad” I said too quickly “So much homework to do, I best go get started”  
My father nodded and opened the front gate, holding it open for me to follow him.  
I looked back at Eric who was still standing awkwardly by my fence, “See you”  
He nodded curtly, but said nothing.  
I was following dad up the path when he called out “Oh Eric! You just missed a caller for your dad; I think he put something under the door!”   
Eric, walking up his own path looked over at him. “Thank you sir” before he stepped inside.   
I closed the front door behind me and could sense my father about to go on a questioning spree; I shot up the stairs before he could begin.  
I kept myself busy for hours, which isn’t hard with the amount of homework and extra reading we get in class. It takes me by surprise when my mother, having come home since, calls me down for dinner.  
When I reach the dining room, my father is already seated and my mother is serving out plates. We have a lot of seafood in our house, something to do with dolphins’ intelligence or something. Before I could even reach for some bread, dad turns to me.  
“So you and the Stanton boy walked home together today? Is that a normal thing?” he shrugs as if it’s a completely casual question.  
“We’ve walked a couple of times” I reply curtly, taking a plate from my mother.  
“He’s a year older than you isn’t he?” Dad’s not done.  
“Uh yeah he’s in the next grade”  
“I don’t like him” my mother says suddenly, as she sits down across from me. “He’s a strange boy, always cooped up in that house. And with that father of his-“  
“Julie” Dad says sternly.  
“Robert.” Moms’ eyes bore into him “You know perfectly well what everyone says about Michael Stanton”  
Dad sighs and turns back to me. “We don’t think you should associate with him any more Amy”   
“What?” Eric’s reputation seems to have a clear pattern. “It’s only walking to the train”  
“That boy’s trouble; I don’t want you linked up to anything to do with the Stantons” My mothers’ tone is serious, “your father and I will drop you at school if it makes it easier”  
I look between the two of them in disbelief “Don’t you think this is a bit of an overreaction? We just walk to the platform together, that’s all. I don’t even see him at school”  
My parents exchange meaningful looks.  
“We just want you to be smart about this Amy” dad says intently, and it’s clear the conversation is over.  
We spend the rest of dinner listening to Dad talk about the fieldwork he’s just done for the lab, and it’s a relief when it’s finally time for bed.  
I lie awake, staring at what, from that angle, I could see out of my window. My bedroom faced the Stanton house, though I couldn’t see into any windows, I could think clearer knowing I was looking in his general direction.   
I was now completely determined to figure Eric out. If anything, everyone’s impression of him only intensified my fascination. Who was he, to have everyone so afraid of him? And what did his father have to do with it? I was going to find out and I had this strange feeling I didn’t have much time left.  
The next morning, thankfully, my parents had already left for work. Meaning their threat of driving me to school was really just that. I’m ashamed to say I took a bit longer in the bathroom to get ready than I usually did. I even stole one tiny drop of my mother’s perfume. All because I was secretly hopeful, with equal amounts of anxious, that my enigma would be at my front gate again.  
Despite my extra grooming, it was still to early to leave the house, just in case I missed him. So I ate breakfast slowly until it was finally time to leave. Scarved and jacketed, I took a deep breath before I stepped out the front door.   
There he was. The same as yesterday; leaning casually against the fence and idly tossing his keys into the air. He turned when I closed the front door and honest to god, smiled. Not a massive one, just like a normal-person’s equivalent to a medium one, but from Eric I felt that was significant.  
I met him at the end of the path “Hey” I grinned.  
“Amelia” he nodded in greeting. He gestured up the road impatiently and I quickly got myself through the gate before he could walk off on me like he usually did.  
We started up the road, the cold morning air fresh on our faces. I kept glancing at him; I still hadn’t been able to stop smiling to myself. Of course he noticed this and his intensifying frown made it clear it was getting to him.  
“What!” he finally groans.  
“Nothing!” I laugh “it just always takes me by surprise when you show up”  
He raises his eyebrows and looks amused “would you rather I didn’t?”  
“No, of course not” I scoff “I always just… I don’t know, get this feeling you’re going to just disappear one day” I shrug casually as if this new, real fear of mine is just a joke.   
He looks grave for a moment, before turning away.   
“Don’t be ridiculous” he says curtly, and ends the conversation.  
We don’t speak again until we’re standing to get off the train at school.  
I wait for the queue to start moving when he leans over my shoulder “What classes do you have this afternoon?”  
I jump because of how loud (and how close) his voice is.  
“Physics and bio” I compose myself enough to respond, “Why?”  
“No reason” he says flatly, as the queue finally starts moving.  
Once at the school gates, as routine, we part ways. I’ve already started toward my first class when Eric catches my elbow, taken by surprise (again) I look first at his long fingers encircling my arm then finally up to his face.  
“See you later, Amelia” he says meaningfully, with the slightest of smiles. Then he’s off.  
I hurry along to class, absent-mindedly rubbing at the spot where his hand had been.  
I get to Faction History and see Sonia sitting at our usual desk. I’d almost forgotten about our little tiff from yesterday, I started toward the back of the room, planning how I was going to apologise for the way I acted, when the two Dauntless boys who were loitering between the desks, refused to let me pass. The taller of the two leered at me “What, don’t you want to sit at the front, Nose?” His friend guffawed.  
“Hey meatheads! Do us all a favour. Sit down and shut up!” Sonia snarled from behind them. They both spun around, but rather than retaliate, stepped aside.  
I sat down beside Sonia and started setting up my books “Thanks” I said quietly.  
“Don’t be daft Amy. They’re morons” she half smiles and I know its all fine between us.  
The morning dragged on but eventually it was time to break for lunch. Sonia and I waked across to the cafeteria, making bets on what was up for lunch. I covertly scanned the courtyard, hoping to see him, but to no avail.  
Even once we’d made it inside the eating hall, there was no sign of him. I sighed internally.  
“Want to go find us a table? Somewhere away from the Dauntless losers would be nice” Sonia laughs as she takes up position at the end of the lunch line. I head off in the direction of the tables, scanning them for empty seats.  
Before I’d even passed the first group of tables, a voice behind me makes me jump.  
“Amelia”  
I whirl around, mad at myself for being so startled, “We’ve got to talk about you sneaking around all the time!”  
He snorts a laugh and scans the room.   
“I’m feeling a half day. Care to join?” his steely eyes are back on mine.  
“What, like just leave?” I snort. He looks at me impatiently.  
“Where are we going?”  
“Doesn’t matter, a walk?” he places a hand on my lower back as if to push me along, “But we’d best leave now”  
“Wait. What about Sonia?” I try to spot her in the lunch line.  
“Tomorrow, you’ll tell her you were sick and went home but for now. Move”  
I tried to think of an argument, a reason not to, but for the second time in the space of a few days, I let crazy win and followed Eric out of the hall.  
We walked quickly out the school gates and toward the train platform.  
“You still haven’t made it clear where we’re going” I say, struggling to keep up with him.  
“We’ll be seen in town. So we’ll go to mine” he says curtly.  
“Like your house?” I frown. By now we’re at the platform, Eric leans out over the tracks to look for an oncoming train.  
“No, my town... Yes my house!” he says sarcastically.  
The words of my mother’s; to avoid everything Stanton, comes to mind. I shake them off as quickly as they form.  
He smiles as a train comes into view, and moves down the platform.  
I’d never been to a boys’ house before. And I was almost certain I’d uncover some clues about Eric once id been in his.   
The train pulls up in front of us and Eric half steps on.  
“Hurry up Garner!” he yells and I start jogging. I pull myself into the train and he follows right behind.  
The train is even emptier now than it is in the mornings, only a handful of people sit scattered around the carriage, an Amity mother talking quietly with her young child and a group of older Candor arguing amongst themselves in the last few back seats.  
We sat in silence for the familiar trip to our sector, and I started to rethink my decision in following Eric.   
We were almost at our houses when I could stay quiet anymore.  
“Soooo is your dad home?”  
“Not likely” Eric grunts as he pushed through his front gate.  
When we’re inside his house, I’m taken aback by how bare it is. With the exact same floor plan as all Erudite houses, it has minimal furniture, shelves void of trinkets and decoration and it’s also impeccably tidy. It’s as if no one lives here at all. By comparison, my house must look like a pig sty. Our lounge room is littered with books and knickknacks and every spare shelf space houses at least two of the coloured glass ornaments that my mother collects.  
Eric tosses his bag in a corner and strides into the kitchen; I slip off my own and carefully stand it against the wall beside his.  
“Do you want something to drink?” he calls, and I follow him into the kitchen.  
“Uh water would be great. Thanks”   
He nods and busies himself filling a glass at the sink.  
I awkwardly perch on the corner of a chair and after a moment he passes me my water.  
“Let’s go upstairs. I hate this part of the house” he says almost coldly.  
He leads me to a room, which in my own house, is my own room. There’s a single bed in one corner and a sparse study nook against the other wall.  
“Is this the spare room?” I think out loud.  
‘Nope, mine” Eric says and sits on the bed against the wall, arms crossed behind his head.   
If Eric’s house is bare, then Eric’s room is outright minimalist. I follow his example and take a seat in the desk chair, trying to replicate his air of nonchalance.  
I desperately try to think of something to break the silence.  
“So Sonia thinks you’re going to murder me” I say, and regret it immediately.  
But he just snorts and smiles for the first time since we got off the train “Really?”  
“Yeah, drown me in the Millennium Park fountain or push me off the Wall or something” I laugh.  
“And what do you think?” he raises an eyebrow and stares at me.  
“I think you enjoy my company way too much”   
He laughs again. I glance at the desk beside me and a small pile of papers catch my eye. Official looking with the five faction symbol on the header. Its Eric’s Aptitude test schedule.  
I turn back to him, he’s staring off at the ceiling.  
“You never told me how your Aptitude test went”  
“Hmm?” he faces me.  
“Like did you do well?”  
His expression clouds over “As expected”  
He stands up and starts pacing the small bedroom; “Have you given any more thought to what we talked about the other day?”  
I know exactly what he’s referring to.  
“I don’t understand” I say hesitantly “What do you mean by ‘I think I belong in Erudite’?”  
“I meant, do you know who you truly are; is your life ‘perfect’. Or have you ever wanted something more for yourself?”   
I say nothing, thoughts racing through my mind. My average grades and my hesitance about applying for work experience at my mothers’ laboratory.  
In a spit second he’s face to face with me, his hands gripping the arm rests of the desk chair. “I know you Amelia; we’re the same you and I. And I need you to figure this out” his gaze is intense, unblinking.  
I need to figure what out? He thinks I’m not meant to be in Erudite; but where? And why? I know I’ve always had hidden doubts, but to say them out loud is unimaginable.   
I’m still frowning when I finally realize what’s happening, all the hints over the last few days, and not once did I even suspect. My frown transforms to shock.  
“You’re leaving” I whisper.   
As soon as those words leave my lips, he closes in on the inches between us and crushes his own against them.  
I gasp at the sudden warmth and instinctively lift my hand to where his jaw meets his throat, but no sooner had my fingertips touched his skin, he reels backwards, and doesn’t stop until he’s a metre away from me.  
It takes him a moment to look back at me and when he does, he looks as shocked as I feel.


	5. Sunrise

The seconds tick by like hours before he finally speaks.  
“I’m sorry, I… you should go home”  
“Wait” I rise to my feet and step toward him, and he edges back to maintain the distance. “Where are you going? Your Choosing, where will you be in a week?”  
“I can’t tell you” he frowns almost irritably, “I shouldn’t even have just... I can’t sway your decision, Amelia”  
“Sway what decision?! About my choice next year?” frustration rattles my voice.  
“All I want is for you to think of yourself next year. About who you are and what will make you happy. Nothing and no one can interfere with what you decide” he emphasised the words ‘No One’ and I knew right then what it was that he dreaded. Him, deliberately close to me on the train, the kiss that he wasn’t quite prepared for, the feelings for him I wasn’t quite sure that I had; and as of two minutes ago, might stand mutual.  
“You think I’d follow you” I whisper.  
Eric sneers; he steps close and places a hand on my cheek.  
“Amelia, I think you’d follow me anywhere”  
I hit his hand away but said nothing. I knew deep down that he was right.  
“I’m going home” I finally say, still mad about his offensive (though accurate) assumption.  
His face softens a little but before I could let that change my mind, I’m out the bedroom door and headed down the stairs.  
He catches up to me by the time I reach the front doorway. I try my hardest not to look at him as I pull the door open, but before I can get out, something nudges my elbow. Ruefully, I glance down; Eric’s holding my school bag out to me. I go to snatch it from him but for a second he retains his grip. I’m finally forced to look up at him. His eyes, as serious and grey as a thunderstorm, bore into mine.  
“See you tomorrow Amelia” he said softly, before releasing his hold. I say nothing and leave as quickly as possible.  
“School called Amy, said you weren’t in any of your afternoon classes?” My dad frowns as he sets his case on the kitchen table.  
“I wasn’t feeling well, so I caught a train home. Sorry” I said quietly.  
“You should have called us” my mother adds as she joins us in the kitchen. She takes out her earrings and puts them in the fruit bowl. “We would have picked you up. You shouldn’t have to deal with the trains if you’re sick”  
“It was fine, really. I feel a bit better now anyway”  
“Want me to make you something light for dinner?” my mother asks, concerned.  
“No. Actually I might just go to bed. Try and sleep it off”  
“Of course dear, let us know if you need anything”  
My parents both smile understandingly as I make my way up the stairs.  
My nights are becoming repetitive. I lie awake glaring at the slanted rendering of the Stanton house while a million thoughts run through my mind.  
Eric, leaving Erudite. Where will he go? What did his test results reveal? I can’t imagine him in Abnegation; putting selflessness before anything else. Nor could I see him in loose, faded red work clothes, tending fields in the Amity. I could really only picture him here. Maybe even at HQ, alongside Jeanine. I hated that he couldn’t tell me. I’d have told him if I was leaving home; but he was right when he said that I’d follow him; because truthfully I might have.  
My world consisted of only a few key players. My parents, hardworking and determined; who I couldn’t imagine leaving behind. Sonia, whose future was already mapped out in Erudite as clear as the stars in the sky. And Eric, the newcomer and my enigma, the only one straying away from the path.  
I had to understand his secrecy though. Without knowing where he was going, meant that next year I wouldn’t be compelled to two factions. It would force me to make the decision for myself.  
The next morning I dragged myself through my usual morning routine. The feeling of disappointment already welling up that Eric wouldn’t be at my gate today. And why should he be, with the way I acted yesterday afternoon. I sighed as I pulled on my scarf and made my way out the front door.  
I made a conscious effort to not look at the gate, that way; said disappointment wouldn’t hit me like an oncoming truck.  
I locked the house and started down the path.  
“You’re late”  
I jump so hard the keys drop from my hand.  
Eric smiles at me, the mornings are warmer now and he wears a long sleeved blue button up instead of his usual dark grey trench coat. He steps through the gate and picks the keys up from the pavement.  
“You’re not still amazed that I turn up, are you?” he complains.  
I force back a smile, “Not at all”  
“Good” he tosses the keys back to me and starts up the road. I jog to catch up.  
“I’m sorry about how rude I was to you yesterday” I say quietly. He just smiles. “And I would have understood why if you weren’t at my gate this morning”  
“Don’t be stupid, Amelia” he snorts, “As it’s out, it’s probably worth saying we’ve only got two more days of this. I’d rather not miss it”  
I turn to stare at him, I feel like this is one of the nicest things he’s said to me.  
“And I’m also sorry,” he goes on, less lightness to his tone now “about kissing you. I shouldn’t have just done it”  
“Don’t be” I can feel blush creeping into my cheeks at the memory of his lips on mine.  
We reach the platform and then find our seat on the train before either of us talks again.  
“Did your dad get a call from the school about missing half the day yesterday?” I ask him.  
Eric laughs, “My father wouldn’t answer his phone about anything non-work related. I could have been hit by the train and he wouldn’t have noticed until he realized the mail hadn’t been brought in”  
“Does he care if you miss school?”  
“Not likely” he huffs; and I turn back out the window again.  
At the school gates Eric stops and pulls me aside from the flow of students.  
“I’ll come find you at lunch” his hand finds my arm.  
“Why? Where are we going?” I eye him suspiciously.  
“Nowhere” He laughs, “I can’t be responsible for you missing any more school”  
“So just a lunch date then?” I grin. This earns me a frown from Eric.  
“I’ll see you later Amelia” his hand trails down my arm before it briefly squeezes my own. His eyes find mine and he smiles for half a second before he strides off across the courtyard.  
I spend the morning drifting between emotions; elated and quite giddy about the newfound closeness we seem to have started, and dread that after tomorrow, there was a chance I wouldn’t see him again.  
Sonia ambushed me the moment I stepped into Literature.  
“Where did you disappear to yesterday? I turned around for a second and you were gone!”  
I thought I’d appeased her enough with my going-home-sick excuse, but as soon as the classroom quietened down to begin, she leant in and whispered “I didn’t see Eric Stanton around yesterday afternoon either”.  
Though on the train Eric and I together no longer gathered attention; walking in to the cafeteria to find him waiting for me was a whole other story.  
His form, which usually clustered together on closely packed tables, turned their heads when I sat myself at his lonely corner table. Surprise on their faces. I assume they were as accustomed to his reclusiveness as I used to be.  
He half smiles at me over the top of his book I return it and try to ignore the eyes on my back; two of which definitely belong to Sonia, who will be glaring at me from a table made up of girls from our own form.  
Eric pushes a sandwich across the table toward me “Eat” he says flatly, his eyes never straying from his page.  
I smile to myself and comply. So this is lunch with Eric Stanton.  
Thursday afternoon flew by. Our classes were usually enough to keep my mind off anything but schoolwork; but I did falter for a moment when I passed Eric in the hallway on my way to Tech class.  
He was alone as always. He didn’t stop as we brushed past each other, just flashed me a small smile and a knowing look. His golden hair illuminated by the fluorescent lights, like a halo. He was gone as fast as he’d appeared.  
It felt like everything had changed slightly, instead of pretending we’d never met off of the train, we seemed to have brought our ‘comfortable silence’ to all other aspects of our days. It almost felt normal when he was waiting at the school gates at the end of the day.  
Even easier now, was getting conversation out of him on the train home, like he’d relaxed a bit more with me. We talked about school and teachers, how he felt about his final theory exams. I even let slip my feelings of inadequacy when compared to Sonia, at that he even held my hand for a moment.  
We made it to my front gate, I let myself through and he remained out on the pavement, idly kicking at something on the ground with his shoe.  
We were about to say our usual goodbyes when an idea struck me. Without overthinking it too much, I leant over the fence and kissed him very quickly on the lips.  
“See you tomorrow Eric” I tried to smile confidently, even as I felt that same familiar blush creep across my face. I turned on my heel and started up the front path, but not too quick that I didn’t get to see the look of surprise that had taken control of his face. I think I was in the front door by the time he’d even moved again.  
The next morning I flew through my morning routine, eager to see what Eric would say when I met him at the gate; but when I left the house he wasn’t there.  
I checked my watch, it was the usual time. I decided to wait at his front gate in case it was his turn to be running late.  
Minutes ticked by like hours, but there was still no movement from his house. I was getting really anxious when it was time I had to start walking, or I’d miss the train. Where could he be? Choosing was definitely tomorrow, and his form definitely had classes right up to it.  
I sat silently on the train, forced to revert back to my blurred window-staring ways while I thought of all the reasons why he wouldn’t be here.  
What if it was because of me? What if kissing him had freaked him out and now he didn’t want to see me? The idea was unsettling.  
Once at school, I couldn’t stop myself from scanning the courtyard, desperately hoping that he’d just gotten a lift in this morning. But there was no sign of him.  
I spent the day in a blur of worry, guilt and feeling like an idiot. I hardly spoke to anyone, not even Sonia, too consumed by the fact that I wouldn’t see Eric again.  
He was gone. Tomorrow he’d choose the new life he’d never tell me about, he wouldn’t live next door and he wouldn’t wait at my front gate again. Eric Stanton would be gone.  
I sat mindlessly through dinner that night; my parents had to keep repeating themselves so I could mumble back replies. I excused myself to do my homework and went up to my room.  
I took one long look at my school work waiting for me on my desk before deciding I’d just go to bed. I pulled on my comfiest sleep t-shirt and released my hair from its tight ponytail. No sooner had I turned off the lights did the tears I had been holding back all day, return to sting at my eyes; this time I let them. I remained that way, cocooned tightly in my blankets until sleep finally took me.  
I awoke with a start to a tapping noise; my room was still shrouded in darkness. I grabbed at my bedside table for me watch and squinted at the time, it was 3.17am.  
I heard the tap again, it was coming from my window; I threw the covers off and crept toward it.  
Peering out the glass, I could just make out a blurred figure on the grass downstairs; as quietly as I can, I slide the window open.  
Eric stands in my yard, tiny pebbles in his hand. I’m so tired and relieved to see him again that I almost choke out a sob. He smiles up at me and I beam down at him. I hold a finger to my lips and gesture for him to wait there.  
I duck back inside and quickly tip-toe down the stairs, I meet him at the back door.  
“What are you doing here?!” I whisper, the early morning chill sent goose-bumps over my exposed legs.  
He steps close and places his hands on my arms.  
“I thought you were gone” my voice falters; and he frowns.  
“I’m sorry about today, really. Something came up; but I couldn’t leave tomorrow without seeing you again” his eyes find mine and his expression softens.  
“The middle of the night? You should be asleep; big day tomorrow and all?”  
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be” the corner of his mouth curls up and I can’t help but blush.  
“Come in?” I ask softly.  
He looks surprised for a fraction of a second before he nods; he follows me inside.  
Being extra careful to not wake my parents, we make it up to my room. I’m suddenly very conscious that I’m in my pyjamas; I scoot over to the furthest side of my bed and pull the blanket over me. Eric hovered near my door for moment before he sits down beside me.  
We sat in silence for a moment before I finally speak. “Are you nervous about tomorrow?”  
He thinks about it “A bit”.  
There are so many things I want to ask him, I still want to know where he’s going, I want to ask how he realized this for himself and above all, if he’d miss me at all when he’s gone.  
But for tonight, this last night, I just wanted to be near him and to pretend everything was going to be okay.  
I shifted a bit closer to him and closed my eyes, I felt him watch me for a moment before he settled down beside me, shoes and all.  
In the darkness, I dared to look at him, really properly look at him. He lay on his back, one arm behind his head and the other draped over his chest. His worn looking grey t-shirt had ridden up slightly, exposing a thin band of pale skin before the edge of his jeans. The street lights outside my house cast an eerie glow around the room, it illuminated the planes of his face; his high cheekbones and brow, as well as the shadowy hollows made by the curves of his jaw; the way he was still frowning even with his eyes closed in the direction of the ceiling, I couldn’t fight back my smile.  
“Stop staring” Eric mumbles, without even opening his eyes.  
I open my mouth to defend myself but then he smiles, he reaches over his free hand and gently pulls me closer. I nestle into his chest and breathe deeply the smell of him; his heartbeat thumped against my cheek and I could feel myself drifting off.  
“Stay tonight” I whisper, “Please”  
He holds me tighter. “Of course” he kisses my forehead ever so lightly and strokes my hair as it fans over my shoulder, “Goodnight Amelia”  
The steady rhythm of his breathing soon carries me away to sleep.  
It’s probably the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had, his arm keeping me firmly against him and I felt safe. When I wake up, it's Choosing Day, and he’s gone. The rising sun illuminates my bedroom a soft peachy-orange, and I am alone.


	6. Decisions

I hardly notice the weeks go by after the day he left. Everything carried on exactly the same as it always had. We lost a few transfers that Choosing day, but those who were mourning for their losses; friends, sons, daughters and siblings, did so in private.

It was a while until I could accept the empty space at my front gate, the vacant train seat and his unfilled table in the school cafeteria. Finally, one day at lunch, as I picked at a salad, Sonia dropped work experience application papers in front of me.  
“Amy, I know your hearts not in it and I don’t know what you and Eric had, but I need you to fill these out”  
I sighed and stared at the forms. “I need you to do this for yourself” Sonia took the seat opposite me. “It’s been a while now, he’s gone. You need to come back down to earth and start thinking about your future”  
I met her concerned gaze and nodded. She was right, it’s not like he was coming back; I had to move on.  
I’d submitted those forms that very afternoon and not four days had passed when my mother had bustled through the front door, grinning from ear to ear and clutching an acceptance letter marked with the laboratory symbol.  
Now I spent after school and most Saturdays at work experience, cleaning labs and sorting through petri dishes; during the days I kept up with the ever-growing workload leading up to our final exams at the end of the year. It was enough to keep my mind occupied.  
I’d almost stopped thinking about Eric Stanton completely. Almost.

It was just a few weeks after our mid years exams and I was delivering a box of files from the laboratory to Erudite HQ. The days were so much warmer and I walked through Millennium Park to keep under the shady tree cover. I was just past the fountain when I saw a group of Dauntless standing in a group by the stairs in front of the building. It wasn’t unusual to see them there, they provided security to the city and sometimes other factions’ leaders travelled to meet with Janine.  
I paid the group no mind as I shifted my grip on the box and kept walking. The Dauntless had started to move on in the opposite direction now, each dressed in black clothing that almost looked like armour; and even from my distance I could make out the tracings of various tattoos upon their skin. It was the split second before they turned the corner when I thought I saw him. Turned away from me, the sandy hair was what first drew my eye, contrasted against the black, but the length was all wrong. The boy even looked the same height as Eric, though the Eric I remember was far narrower; this boy was much too muscular. It couldn’t be him.  
I felt the all-too-familiar feeling from the start of the year start to creep up again, I shook the thoughts from my mind and hurried up the stairs to the building.

More months went by, our finals loomed and Sonia was positively losing it.  
“We can’t have ALL our science subjects exams booked on the same day! How can I study for that?! I need at least five hours revision for each!” she chewed viciously on her fingernails.  
I smiled at her over the top of the fort-like pile of books she’d arranged around herself.  
“You’ll be fine Sonn, you know you will. You always test amazingly”  
She looked up at me with her crazy eyes. “I think I’m going to have a nervous breakdown”  
I laugh and it seems to ease her stress, she grins back at me. Crisis averted.

The schedule sheet we’re given for our last few weeks of class makes everything so much realer; it outlines the days and times of our various theory exams as well as the dates for our Aptitude tests and the choosing ceremony.  
It hits home that I really need to start thinking about next year. I don’t know where I belong but I know it’s not here; I’ve scraped enough samples off of lab slides and stared at computer screens long enough this year to know that it isn’t for me. Its dull work and I feel that I don’t have the compulsion to constantly be learning something, which everybody around me seems to.  
Looking at my options, if I’m not Erudite then I have only four other choices. With the day of my Aptitude test creeping up, I know what ever it reveals is going to be surprising; it’s going to look past everything and tell me who I’m meant to be, that’s what it’s for. And I sure hope its right.

Our final exams stretch over one chaotic week; I don’t see Sonia, she locked herself in her room and pored over revision notes, sustaining herself on energy drinks alone.  
I studied too, but nowhere near as intensely. I think I did alright.

In our last week of the year, the stress of exams had subsided and was replaced tenfold by the anxiety revolving the Aptitude test. There’s no way to study for them and that sets the Erudite on edge. All we know is it involves a simulation serum that our faction designed, that will put us through some virtual reality trials. From them, our subsequent actions are appropriated into what faction we relate mostly to.  
I wake the morning of the test with an open mind. I know I’m not expecting it to tell me Erudite but I’m not entirely prepared for it to tell me any of the others either.  
I get dressed in my usual beige trousers and pale blue collared shirt and head downstairs.  
My parents are both at the table already. My mother beams at me excitedly and my father puts his newsletter aside.  
“Are you excited?” he asks.  
“Nervous?” my mother adds.  
“A bit” I answer absolutely truthfully. I sit down and help myself to toast. “It doesn’t hurt does it?”  
“No sweetie, not a bit” My mother says comfortingly, “It’s like falling asleep to dream”  
“You’ll do fine Amy” My dad pats me on the back “If you do as good in this as you did in your finals, you have nothing to worry about”  
I put on a smile for them.  
“Are you ready? We’d better leave now if we want to beat the traffic” Mom announces as she shoves things from the bench into her purse. I take a deep breath and nod.  
We’re in the car on the way to the Hub; my mother hums as she drives. The parking lot is packed. It seems every sixteen year old was driven here today.  
We find a spot and climb out. From here I can see the five queues of students lined up near the doors. Erudite was the neatest formation, closely followed by the Abnegation, beside them was Amity where someone was strumming a banjo, then there was Candor who clustered together in deep discussions then there was the disorganization that was Dauntless, pushing each other and bellowing loudly.  
My mother waked me to the end of the Erudite line. She gave me a quick squeeze and wished me luck before she spotted another mother she knew and disappeared.  
I waited quietly while my mind raced until it was time to go inside.  
While we waited for our turns to be tested, I scanned the room. I saw Sonia a couple of rows away and she smiled, the girl standing in front of me looked pale and was wringing her hands together: when it was her turn to be called she took three deep breaths and went inside.  
The wait to be called was excruciating. I was desperate to find out my results but nervous about the simulation. What if I didn’t do anything? What if I broke it somehow and they could gather nothing about me?  
My thoughts were dropped at the sound of my name. A twenty-something Candor man stood at the door. “You’re up” he smiles and I follow him inside.  
The test room looks exactly like the laboratory, smooth white tiles everywhere and a polished mirror took up one whole wall. In the centre stood a chair, kind of like a dentists, from it ran wires to a computer monitor.  
The Candor man gestured for me to sit down while he positioned himself at the monitor.  
“Now Amy just lie back and I’m just going to fix these wires to you. The simulation will put you through some tests and will produce an answer for you at the end. Any questions?” he raises an eyebrow expectantly.  
I shake my head and his other eyebrow follows suit.  
“You guys normally have several” he laughs to himself as he hands me a small glass cup filled with clear liquid. I swallow it and have just enough time to lie back comfortably before it begins.  
I’m standing in a completely mirrored room; floors, walls, everything. I catch my reflection and I realize my hair is down. When did I do that?  
I suddenly see a table beside me, on it is a knife and a piece of raw meat. A voice in my head which is not my own says “Choose”  
Choose what? What am I choosing for? I hear a growl behind me and whirl around. A tall brown dog stands across from me, poised to lunge, I back up quickly and my hand collides with something on the table. I grip it and I see it’s the knife. The dog has started to edge closer. I hold the knife awkwardly in front of me.  
“Go away!” I yell, but the dog comes nearer. “GO AWAY!” this time I scream it and the dog backs up. I relax for a second before I comprehend that the dog is staring behind me, I quickly glance over my shoulder, my knife still outstretched. Behind me stands a small girl, no older than five. She’s grinning at the dog, holding her hands out to it.  
I hear the dog snarl again and turn back to it. Its attention has definitely turned to the girl; it’s about the pounce.  
I spin around to the girl again “Come here. Quick!” I shout and she hurries over to me, her grin gone and a look of terror takes hold of her features.  
I pull her behind me and face the dog again. It lunges. I squeeze my eyes shut and raise my knife at the last second, the dog goes still.  
When I open my eyes, the dog and the girl are both gone. Instead I stand in a crowded train carriage, I stand in the isle beside a man reading a newsletter, I peek over his shoulder and see a photograph of a man.  
“Do you know him?” the passenger suddenly barks at me. “Have you seen him before?”  
The man sounds angry as he holds the photo closer to my face. Indeed I do feel like I’ve seen the man in the picture before, but I couldn’t say where.  
“DO YOU?” The passenger is practically shouting at me now.  
I push the newsletter out of my face and frown down at him “No, leave me alone!” Even if I did know the photograph man, I wouldn’t tell this guy with that attitude.  
The carriage spins around me and next thing I know I’m jolting upright in the testing room chair.  
The Candor man puts a hand on shoulder to calm me as I try to catch my breath.  
I finally relax and he smiles at me. “You did perfect Amy, well done”  
“What were my results?” I ask, still a bit breathless.  
“I don’t get many test subjects whose results sway so far from their current faction” He says looking impressed with himself. “Amy Garner, you are absolutely Dauntless”  
I gasp and continue to stare at him. “Are you sure?”  
“I’m very good at my job” he smiles, “Congratulations”  
I leave the room with a blurred mind. Dauntless? Really? I looked across the waiting room at a group of Dauntless milled around, laughing boisterously and looking scary; Then I saw one girl looked perfectly normal and I focused on her. She wore a simple black dress and had flowing brown hair, but when she turned around I saw with a start that half her head was shaved and piercings littered her face.  
I’m one of them? I couldn’t believe it.  
I had plans to meet Sonia after our tests but right now I just had to get away. I pushed out of the building and started quickly up the road.  
The only conclusion I could come to was that the test got it wrong somehow. There’s no way I was like the Dauntless students at school. But Janine Matthews designed the serum and the Aptitude test system, there’s no way she could have made a mistake.  
I’d walked my way into the Candor sector, the buildings stark white structures edged with black; the Candor colour palette. I dropped down onto a bench.  
I needed Eric right now, more than ever. He’d tell me exactly what to do. I thought about how he must have felt, going through this exact same situation. How he could keep it a secret from everyone, especially me.  
I sigh and start the long walk home.  
We’re not meant to discuss our test results with anyone, its part of our first step into independency. When my parents come home that night they simply asked how I went and were satisfied with my answer of “good”.  
I decided that night as I lay in bed that if I was truly Dauntless, I would be brave enough to make that decision on Choosing day.

I wish I had more time between finding out my results and the day I had to choose. The rest of that week flew by, classes were finishing and I was wrapping up my work experience at the lab.  
I made an effort to spend as much time with Sonia and my parents as I could in those last few days; determined to commit every smile, laugh and endearing quality to my memory.

Before I knew it, I woke up one morning, the early sunlight casting the same copper glow around the room as it did this very same day last year. Choosing day.  
Today we were expected to dress nicely as we’d be in the public eye representing the factions we would choose. I pulled on my favourite dress. Sky blue with a black peter-pan collar, I paired it with opaque black stockings and my freshly shined lace-up brogues. Lastly, I pulled on my cobalt scarf for luck.  
Downstairs, my parents were also dressed in their finest. Dad, in one of his charcoal suits; and my mother in a meticulously ironed, navy pencil skirt and blouse.  
They beamed at me when I met them in the kitchen.  
“We’re so proud of you Amy” My mother pulled me in for a hug and my dad put an arm around my shoulder.  
“You’ll practically be an adult in a few hours” He jokes.  
I smile back and keep the stinging tears at bay.  
The Choosing ceremony was always held at the Hub, in its a vast auditorium space with five seating sections, all facing a platform stage.  
We make our way to our seats in the Erudite section. Sonia sits two rows ahead and she waves.  
On the central stage stood the representatives from each of the factions, Janine stood tall in the middle, her blonde hair shone under the lights. Before her; on a long bench lay the five bowls to represent each faction, the Candor bowl holds glittering fragments of glass; Abnegation, smooth perfect grey stones; Amity rich soil; Erudite, crystal clear water and lastly the Dauntless bowl holding its burning coals.  
I stare at that bowl during the entirety of Janine’s speech; I vaguely heard something about journeys and the importance of our decisions here today.  
They began to call our names in reverse alphabetical order. We were to walk up onto the stage, take the ceremonial knife from Janine and make a cut in our palms. The blood from the wound has to drip into the bowl representing the faction of our choice, symbolising our commitment to the faction and our futures.  
I watch as Sonia’s name is called and she confidently takes the stage. She holds her cut hand above the Erudite bowl and from my seat I see the blood swirl in the water.  
Janine gives her a proud smile as she announces her choice to the auditorium.  
After what feels like an eternity, I finally hear it.  
“Garner, Amelia”  
My mother squeezes my hand as I rise to my feet and edge out of the aisle.  
The walk up to the stage feels like slow motion as I take the knife from Janine‘s hand; its ornately carved and I can’t help but remember my Aptitude test when I last held a knife like that.  
I walk over to the bowls and poise the blade over my palm. My eyes shift between the water and the coals.  
I take a deep breath and press the blade against my skin, enough to bring a few beads of blood to the surface.  
I outstretched my hand and take one more deep breath. I can be brave, I can be Dauntless.  
The blood dripped from my hand and fell to the coals with a hiss.  
“Dauntless” Janine called, there were cheers from my new faction’s seats. As I turned to hand back the knife and leave the stage, I made the terrible mistake of looking back at my parents.  
Their expressions cut through me more than the knife had. My father looked heartbroken, his chin dropped against his chest and his brow furrowed. My mother beside him looked disappointed, her eyes welling with tears; she gave me a shaky smile before averting her gaze.  
I turned back and went to take a seat in the Dauntless section, where I was met with whoops and cheers. This was my family now.


	7. Plunge

I spent the rest of the ceremony on a high of adrenaline. I’d done it. I had listened to my Aptitude test results and I took the risk. I smiled despite myself; I bet Eric would have been proud.  
No sooner had the Hubs doors opened, than the entire Dauntless seated section took off running, jostling into one another to fit through the narrow doorway. I caught the eye of one of the transfers beside me, an Abnegation girl with orange hair. She shrugged and smiled and together we chased our faction outside.  
Once they hit the street, their pace only increased. Ahead of us, like a stampede, they ran on, shouting and laughing.  
There was a tug on my sleeve and I looked over to see the Abnegation girl, flush cheeked. She pointed ahead of us and upward, I followed her gaze and saw the leaders of the pack had stopped running and had begun to climb up the iron beams that suspended the train rail above the city street.  
My jaw dropped, the beams were easily two stories high and beside the year or two of mandatory gym class, I hadn’t had much experience climbing anything.  
We reached the base of the beams. Determined not to be the last initiate left standing on the ground, I gripped the first bar and pulled myself up.  
It felt like months by the time I’d almost reached the top, and my arms burned. A hand from over the edge reached out to me; it was connected to a blue haired boy about my age, he grinned down at me, the four piercings in his lower lip stretched taut with the movement. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me over the top.  
“Well done Nose!” he cried gleefully before he turned to help the next person up.  
I caught my breath for a moment and took a peek over the edge of the high platform. The ground seemed so far away. Did I really just do that? I couldn’t help but laugh.  
“Train!” Someone down the platform shouts, as a unit the Dauntless begin to jog up the platform. I’m not sure what’s happening but I follow anyway.  
I look over my shoulder as the train begins to level with the platform. It’s not slowing down.  
Up ahead of me, the leading Dauntless build up enough speed and seem to be pulling up into or jumping through the open carriage doors.  
I don’t know if I can do this. But if I can’t, I’ll be left behind. I push my legs harder and I gauge the timing ill need to make it.  
The next carriage passes and a tall dark haired boy leans out, one muscled arm gripping the handrail and the other extended toward me. He nods encouragingly; I take hold and he effortlessly lifts me into the train.  
I pant out a thank you and the corner of his mouth turns up before he strides off up the carriage.  
I lean against a wall, and wait for my heart rate to return to normal.  
The copper-haired Abnegation girl comes over to me.  
“I really didn’t think I was going to make that” she laughs nervously, “I’m Nellie by the way”  
“Amy” I smile back at her.  
It’s only a few minutes before movement out the open carriage doors attracts my attention.  
Carriages ahead were exploding with black clad figures hurling out onto an approaching rooftop.  
“They’re jumping out” I say and Nellie dashed to the doorway to see for herself.  
“Now I really don’t think I’m going to make it” she groans.  
“We just need to get a run up” I say, pulling her back to the far carriage wall. “On three; one, two, three!”  
Hands linked we dash toward the opening and leap out across the gap.  
Jumping was the easy part, landing was a disaster.  
The rooftop was covered with gravel and my knees buckled as me feet collided with it, I dropped into an ungraceful roll before finally stopping.  
Shocked I looked beside me at Nellie, who was pushing herself to a seated position. Her fiery hair had broken free of her tight neat bun and she looked at me before bursting out laughing.  
I climbed to me feet and helped her to stand up.  
“Are these guys invincible?” she asks.  
I grin, “At least it can’t get any harder”  
“Initiates!” A deep voice called from the other side of the rooftop, “To me!”  
We followed the crowd toward the edge.  
Once I could see through the crowd, my jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it.  
The man speaking was much older, dark skinned and stern faced; the look of authority about him. But it was the man who stood behind him, balanced precariously on the ledge of the building, arms folded across his chest while he glowered at the initiates before him; who really made my heart drop.  
Eric.  
No way, how could it be him? How could he be here?  
I had to force myself to stay composed as the older Dauntless began to speak;  
“As a Dauntless leader I would first like to congratulate you all on your decision today. My name is Max and behind me is our newest leader Eric, he will be seeing to your initiation training” Max grins ominously.  
My eyes can’t help but flick back to Eric. I still can’t believe how different he looks; gone is the skinny, wavy haired boy I knew last year. Now in front of me stands a man, his arms and chest so muscular that they pull taut the black t-shirt he’s wearing; his sandy hair is clipped short to the sides of his head, while the top remains disconnected and long, combed neatly back. Bold dark tattoos run from the collar of his shirt all the way up to the very points his jawbone meets his neck. And a pair of glinting studs sit right above one eyebrow, which he furrows as he glares at the initiates below him.  
“But first, to become a Dauntless initiate,” Max continues and the smallest smile irks upon Eric’s lips; “You must first enter the compound”  
Max gestures to the edge of the building, a few brave initiates peer over the edge. It’s a sheer drop at least three stories down, into a cavern in neighbouring building roof. The hole is pitch black and we can see nothing beyond it.  
“What’s down there?” a shaky voice a few metres away asks, “Is it water?”  
In a swift movement, Eric jumps down from the wall and closes in on the boy who asked the question.  
“It shouldn’t matter what’s down there, it should only matter how badly you want to get there” he glares down at the boy. The initiate gulps but says nothing.  
“If you don’t jump today,” Eric growls as he starts pacing in front of us, “You will climb back on that train and become factionless. Are there any other questions?” he frowns at the crowd. His eyes rested on me for a fraction of a second before moving on, but I saw no recognition in them.  
“Good” he smirked and stepped back onto the ledge. “Who’s first?”  
There was a deafening silence as we all exchanged hesitant glances.  
Finally, a burly boy stepped forward, he was dauntless-born. Eric nodded at him curtly as he climbed up on the ledge. I saw his shoulders rise as he took one last deep breath and stepped off the edge.  
There was a short scream and then silence, no thud and no splash.  
I decided again that I wouldn’t be the last initiate on the building, I was also determined for Eric to see me. Without realizing it, I’d already stepped forward.  
I awkwardly climbed up onto the ledge and the exact height of the drop stole the breath right out of me. I glanced sideways at Eric who was scowling.  
“Today, Initiate” he snapped irritably.  
Disappointment flooded me and my feet left the surface.  
The wind was deafening, all I could hear over it was a high pitched sound which I realized was my own screams. The ceiling around the cavern rose up at me with alarming speed and I was plunged into blackness.  
Right as I was preparing myself to hit the ground, a soft surface cushioned my body before promptly springing me upwards again.  
It was a net, a massive one, stretched between all for corners of the building, directly under the hole I’d fallen through.  
A laugh escaped my lips as I appreciated how not-dead I was, when hands reached toward me and pulled me towards the edge.  
I landed on my feet and my eyes adjusted to the darkness to see a crowd of fully-fledged Dauntless and the initiate who had jumped before me. The one who helped me out of the net turned to me; it was the guy who had pulled me into the train back at the Hub.  
“What’s your name kid?” he asked.  
I opened my mouth but no words came out.  
“You only get to pick once, so make it good” He smiled.  
“Ameli… Amy” I stammer.  
He grins and turns to face the Dauntless onlookers.  
“Second jumper, Amy!”  
More cheering erupted from the dark.  
After everyone had been fished out of the net, we gathered in a loose group awaiting instructions.  
Eric approached us, followed by the boy who had pulled me from the net and a tall violet haired girl.  
The net boy cleared his throat and we hushed.  
“Welcome to Dauntless, my name is Four; I work mostly in the control room but due to the amount of transfer initiates this year, I have been assigned to administer this year’s training. Ash here-“ The purple haired girl waved, “-Will be in charge of Dauntless born”  
“If I could have all the Dauntless born initiates with me, I will take you straight to your dorms” Ash calls out, her voice surprisingly high pitched in contrast with her almost masculine build. The black-clad initiates among us file off to follow her out a doorway.  
We’re left a huddle of mismatched colours. A few blue like me, black and white, a sprinkling of red and the one lonesome grey that is Nellie.  
Eric steps forward from beside Four, his expression never swaying from anything other than annoyance.  
“I will be around to oversee your training and to report your improvements and failures to Max. Initiation is going to work like this, you will be put through two stages of initiation; physical and psychological. You will be ranked not only against yourselves, but also against the Dauntless-born” he paces in front of us again, a small sneer twisting with his words, behind him, Four glares away into the distance.  
“If your ranking does not fall into the top twenty of all the combined rankings, your time here will be done”  
Four squeezes his eyes shut in frustration.  
“What do you mean by done?” Someone from the back of our group says quietly.  
Eric smiles menacingly as if he’s hoped someone would ask him this.  
“You’ll no longer remain at Dauntless. You can’t go back to your families; you would become factionless” he throws in a shrug.  
There’s a concerned murmuring through our group, and I meet Nellie’s worried eyes.  
Eric stands tall, looking smug.  
“You chose us, now we get to choose you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is really short I know, but I got to that point in the story and I just couldn't wait any more!   
> All of your feedback and support honestly means the world to me :) hope you enjoyed it! x


	8. Training

We were given a short tour around the compound. We saw the Pit which was the epicentre of Dauntless life, dozens of them milled around the great stone expanse. Four showed us the directions from the Pit where the training rooms, cafeteria and tavern were, even at this time in the middle of the day, vivacious laughter echoed from the bar.  
Lastly, we were shown up another stone passageway, dimly lit by strings of blue lights, to the dormitories where we would live until the end of initiation.  
The dorms were awful. A large stone room lined with unforgiving steel bunk beds, and at the furthest end of the room stood a door-less entryway into a communal bathroom and shower space.  
Beside me, Nellie’s mouth straightened uncomfortably at the sight of it.  
Four instructed us to change into our new uniforms and head down to the cafeteria for dinner, but not before putting all our old faction clothing into a bin to be incinerated. He turned on his heel and left us to it.  
On my bunk was a folded set of Dauntless gear; a strong-fabric jacket and equally durable leggings as well as tough leather lace-up boots. Not a touch of colour anywhere in the pile.  
I glanced around the room to ensure all of the other initiates were preoccupied before I pulled my blue dress over my head. The leggings were tight and it was a stark contrast to the straight legged, trousers I used to wear. The jacket ran tight as well, and I could feel the stiff material pressing into the curve of my waist. The last thing I did was pull my hair loose from its ponytail, I ran my fingers through it a few times to tame it down.  
Nellie, who was at the bunk beside me, still hadn’t begun to change. She fiddled with the new clothes awkwardly, before meeting my gaze.  
I stood up and nodded in the direction of the bathroom; she gave me a relieved smile and bundled up her uniform.  
That’s how I ended up standing in the doorway of the bathroom with my back to her, staring around the dorm while she changed in the corner.  
“We won’t be able to do this every time you know” I said quietly over my shoulder.  
“I know,” she replied softly, “just this once”  
Once all sixteen of us were dressed, we left the dormitory; discarding our old factions clothing into the bin in the corridor. I sighed as I let go of my lucky scarf.  
The cafeteria was alive. The Dauntless were bustling around with their trays, shouting across tables and I even think I saw someone throwing food.  
We found a seat at the end of one of the tables. Four sat alone a few seats up, speaking to no one.  
I picked at the lasagne on my tray before turning to Nellie.  
“What do you think about Four?” I ask.  
She discreetly glances up the table. “He’s a bit scary”  
“I hear he came first in his initiate class last year” A boy leant over the table into our discussion.   
He was blonde, blonder than me, with a laidback smile and one lonely dimple.  
“And is that his actual name? Four?” Nellie asks.  
“I wouldn’t say so” the boy replies, “I’m Mitch by the way”  
We introduce ourselves, he tells us he was from Amity, but that every plant he touched seemed to die.   
“Guess it’s better that I’m here now. I could probably have single-handedly destroyed the whole ecosystem had I‘d stayed” he laughs.  
“I don’t want to hear any more talk about your old factions” Four turns to us from up the table,stone faced, “You’re Dauntless now”  
With that he picks up his tray and leaves the room.  
“Oh yep, I’m definitely scared of him” Nellie laughs.  
“It’s not him you need to be scared of” Mitch nods over our shoulders, “It’s him”  
We follow his stare, at the furthest end of the hall, Eric stands menacingly; towering over another leader, deep in a heated discussion. As soon as my eyes find him he looks directly at me, I turn away as fast as I can.  
“He came second out of last year’s initiates, second to Four” Mitch leans in conspiratorially, “Apparently he wasn’t very happy with that, got a temper like a bull, they say. They made him a leader straight out of initiation too, which is almost unheard of. The power’s gone straight to his head. Eric’s dangerous”  
That night I lay on my uncomfortably thin bunk mattress, staring at the springs above my head. With so much going on, it’s hard to think I even had the time to think about Eric; but I found a way.  
I reflect on the boy who’d snuck out of my bed on his choosing day. What happened to him? What had he been through that had turned him into the fearful, menacing man that I saw here now?   
And he didn’t even recognize me. Had so much changed within him that one short year that could completely transform him into a different man? A dangerous one.  
A loud clanging startled me out of sleep, so hard that I hit my head on the top bunk.  
It was early, so early the sunrise was still grey. Four stood in the dorm, knocking hard on the steel door frame.  
“Everyone up, I want to see you all in the training room in ten minutes” he barked before storming out.  
I rubbed my eyes and glanced around. None of us were expecting to be awake this early. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and stretched.  
A burly girl named Erin pushed past my knees rudely. “Move!” she growled and I hurriedly tucked them back in. Erin transferred from Erudite like me, but even back at general school I avoided her like the plague. Loud and rude had always seemed to be her motto. Unfortunately, after I’d dropped my blood into the Dauntless bowl, Erin and her equally unappealing friend Jarrod, had both followed suit and now I’d gone from escaping them to sleeping five or six bunks away.  
I sighed and gathered my uniform up.  
“Such nice friends you have Amy!” Mitch poked his head around the corner of the bunk and laughs.  
“What can I say” I grin back at him.  
It takes me exactly eight minutes to dress and pull my hair into a loose bun at the nape of my neck. As a group, we head down to the training room.  
Four stands tall on a raised fighting mat, his hands linked behind his back impatiently. We gathered around before him while he briefed us on our training schedule.  
Half an hour later, we had split into pairs to practice a few basic combat moves. Nellie and I exchanged a few awkward punches while Four strolled between us.  
“Watch that defence Amy” he calls as he passes by us. I wipe the sweat from the back of my neck and amend the position of my arms so they better protected my body.  
We carried on that way for hours before Four called us to attention.  
“Alright. We’ll break for lunch; make sure you eat something because when you come back we’re going to go through a few mock fights. After that, we’ll decide your initial rankings. Now, meet back here in a half hour”  
It felt so good to sit down when we finally reached the cafeteria. Every muscle in my body ached and the day was nowhere near over yet.  
“So we fight each other?” Nellie asked.  
“Mhm, like proper until-you-concede fighting” Mitch answers while he chewed his hamburger.  
“But against everyone?” Nellie eyes Erin and Jarrod a table over.  
“We’ve only just started training Nell,” I say, “They’ll be no better than you”  
Her concerned frown softens a bit, but she pushes her plate away.  
I was nervous about our fights too, especially when they determined our rankings. I’d never fought anyone before and the thought of hitting one of my new friends scared me almost as much as going into the ring with Erin or Jarrod.  
Four waited for us in the training room, behind him on the wall hung a large board with sixteen numbered spaces just waiting for names to fill it. A merciless red line separates the top ten from the lower six.  
“First up, Jarrod and Cole” Four gestures toward the raised training mat.  
Besides Jarrod, Cole was easily the largest initiate among us, powerful from his years tending to Amity fields; he towered over Jarrod as he climbed up into the ring.  
The two boys squared off against each other, arms raised in defence as they began to circle around the ring; neither was making the first move.  
The door of the training room clangs shut and Eric strides over to stand beside Four, he surveys the ring amused as the two initiates still refuse to strike.  
“Let’s get this started!” Four calls tensely as Eric beside him sneers.  
I watch as Jarrod gulps, before pushing his entire body forward into a punch; Cole deflects it easily against his forearm, and their dance continues.  
“Hit him!” Eric growls. I flinch.  
This time Cole steps forward and delivers a blow right to the side of Jarrod’s’ face, Jarrod falters back but his opponent is already on him with an elbow to the nose; blood spurts across the faded grey training mat.   
Jarrod falls to the ground, the blood from his nose smearing crimson across his neck and darkening the collar of his black shirt, he scrambles to find his feet but Cole stands over him, fist poised for one last strike.  
Cole holds his position and looks to Four, Jarrod trembles on the floor.  
Four nods, “Jarrod concedes, well done Cole”  
But before Cole can lower his fist; Eric steps forward.  
“Finish him” he says coldly.  
A confused look flashes across Coles face, “But he conceded”  
“A brave man never surrenders” Eric says flatly and nods at Jarrod again, “Now”  
Cole looked back down on Jarrod; he looked torn as he raised his fist higher, before driving it downward on his opponents face.  
Jarrod is still.  
Four jumps into the ring to help Cole lift Jarrod to his feet, glaring at Eric as he did so; Eric smirked back at him.  
Cole and Mitch carried Jarrod’s limp body off to the infirmary.  
The fights continued on, I watched nauseously as Erin fought Nellie and kicked her repeatedly as she lay on the ground until she cried too hard to continue fighting, as well as the longest fight so far between a Candor transfer and an Erudite boy.  
“Alright, next, Amy and Mia” Four announces. At least he looked even a little bit remorseful when he watched his initiates fall; Eric however, looked unsettlingly entertained.  
I stepped up and watched as Mia climbed up on the opposite side of the mat. Mia was an Amity transfer. But her slender frame and long yellow hair did nothing to distract from the crazy look in her eyes. Scared and desperate; a terrifying combination.  
We got into position and waited for Four to instruct us to begin.  
No sooner had the word left his mouth though, did Mia whip forward and jab at my face, despite her quickness, I eluded her aim and landed a punch to her ribs, she broke her defence position just long enough for me to strike at her again, this time at her jaw.  
She reeled back and the flash of sympathy I had, gave her enough time to swing at me one more time, right at my cheekbone. Her fist collided with me and the sudden shoot of pain knocked me off my feet.  
Then she was on me, wildly swiping at my face and neck while her legs on my chest pinned me down.   
The most I could do was cover my face and best try to repel her aim. That was before she started strangling me. Her tiny hands were unimaginably strong as they circled tight around my throat. I tried to scream but no sound came out; not even air.  
My vision started to get blurry as I kicked in panic, then suddenly the pressure from my chest subsided and I was able to choke air back into my lungs.  
Once I could focus my eyes again I saw Four pulling Mia away from me, shouting something at her.  
Nellie was swiftly at my side helping me to sit up.  
“You’re okay” She soothed, “Choking’s not allowed; you won by disqualification”  
As she assisted me from the ring, I looked over to where Eric was standing; but he wasn’t there. He wasn’t anywhere in the training room.  
The pain came roaring back to my neck. I was too useless for him to even watch.  
I sat through the last few fights, Nellie right by my side; until our first day of training finally ended.  
One thing I wasn’t expecting when we were all back in the dorms unsupervised, was the way the fights didn’t follow us. The Candor and Erudite boy who had just beaten each other mercilessly were sitting on the same bunk, laughing and poking at each other’s bruises; while Mia smiled at me almost apologetically as she passed my bunk on the way to the showers.  
I wondered if it would always be this way, or if the pressure of the rankings would push us and we’d turn against one another; only to end up like Eric and Four.  
I was starving and showered quickly, so relieved to wash the sweat from my hair and to be in some clean clothes. Nellie waited for me by the door and together we walked down for dinner.  
“How’s your neck feeling?” she asked.  
I rub at it, it’s still tender.  
“Fine actually. How’re your ribs? Erin gave you a real beating”  
She laughs “Awful! But I think lots of food will help”  
“Has that always been the rule? That no one can concede?” I ask suddenly.  
Her face turns serious. “I was talking to Mitch about that earlier. Apparently it’s brand new. And that it’s that new leader Eric; he’s been changing loads of rules”  
Wow.  
“Where’d he go today? I thought he had to oversee the first fights?” I keep my tone casual to mask how desperately I want to know why he’d left.  
“It was actually just after you stepped up, he didn’t say anything I don’t think, just turned and walked out. Four looked really confused” she giggles.  
It had to be disappointment that made him leave; even if he didn’t recognize me, all he must have seen was a useless initiate with no worth to even stand there and watch.  
I sat quietly through dinner while Mitch talked endlessly about his fight with Sean and his guesses on the rankings tomorrow. I’m ashamed to say my eyes travelled more than once toward the leaders table where Eric’s’ chair stood empty.  
That night, my bunk transformed into the most comfortable surface I’d even lain on, the aches that beset my entire body softened as I drifted off; but nowhere near before I could begin to dread the day that awaited me tomorrow.


	9. Ink and Leather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long! again, it was dialogues fault.  
> Comments and feedback are adored x

Fours persistent banging dragged me from my dreams again, and I opened my eyes against the bright grey dawn.  
Getting myself ready was easier than it had been on the first morning, despite the dull aches of my muscles. I was pulling on my boots when Mitch swung around the corner of the bunk.  
“Excited to see your ranking?” he asks.  
I’d completely forgotten our first rankings would be announced this morning; the thought of my name in one of those numbered spaces made me feel nauseous, especially if I found it in the bottom six.  
“I suppose the first one’s the hardest” I force a laugh.  
Mitch’s face turns serious “Can’t be as hard as the last”  
He smiles again and nods toward the door “Come on, grab Nell. I need bacon”  
We rushed through breakfast, I hardly tasted any of my toast and before long we were walking into the training room.  
Four, arms folded, leant against the numbered board; we gathered around him to see our scores.  
1\. Cole  
2\. Gale  
3\. Joseph  
4\. Erin  
5\. Jarrod  
6\. Viv  
7\. Mitch  
8\. Ryen  
9\. Amy  
10\. Mia  
I breathed the biggest sigh of relief, until my eyes travelled further down the list.  
14\. Nellie  
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, she was biting her lip anxiously, and I gave her hand a squeeze.  
That morning we would begin our first weapons training, a long table against one wall held a row of small knives, plain and lightweight. Today we would learn how to hold them correctly and throw them at the targets on the far opposite wall.  
Armed with half a dozen knives, we stood equally spaced apart, facing the torso shaped target; the wood was riddled with so many chips from the knives before ours, that the paint around the bulls’ eye was almost undecipherable.  
“Now remember,” Four paced behind us, “Keep your throwing arm steady and your grip relaxed. Aim when you’re ready”  
The air whirred with the simultaneous flight of sixteen blades, before the chaotic clanging of their impact with targets or floors. Mine had nicked the very bottom corner of the target, but fell to the floor like a stone; Nellie beside me hadn’t even had the force behind hers to even reach the wall. Mitch was the only one of us to sink his blade into the plywood.  
We were set to throw our next knife when Eric strides into the training room. Today, he wore a sleeveless black vest that only made his burly arms look even more impressive. He leans boredly against the wall beside Four and watches us.  
Now I’m even more determined to hit the target, I take aim and throw.  
This time it does stick, I may have only landed in the furthest ring of the eye, but it stuck none the less. I use the opportunity of reaching for another knife to look over at Eric and Four.  
Eric watched the initiates as their knives clattered uselessly to the ground and laughed.  
Four shot him a dangerous look, “It’s only their first lesson. Most of them have never even held a blade before”  
Eric snorts, then begins to wander behind the line of initiates; examining their aims and posture. The closer he comes to my place in line, the worse my aim gets; my knives only skimming the target now.  
I’m trying desperately to compose myself; I raise my knife and brace my arm against the other, ready to throw.  
Suddenly he’s right behind me and I freeze; his breath warm on the back of my neck.  
“Elbow up higher” he mumbles as he reaches past my shoulder to shove my forearm up. His gravelly voice is right behind my left ear and goose-bumps soar up my spine.   
“And put your weight onto your back foot.” He kicks my foot backward with the toe of his boot.  
“Breathe and throw” he says flatly as he steps back.  
I do as he says. The knife flies through the air and buries its tip into the very outer corner of the centre bulls’ eye.   
I turn over my shoulder to smile at him, but I’m met with only the look of indifference.  
“Again” He says coldly, before he resumes walking down the line.  
By the end of that morning’s lesson, my aim had grown stronger; but none of the blades that left my hand came anywhere near as close as the one Eric had assisted; His touch on my forearm and ankle still lingering on my skin.  
We found a place at our usual table at lunch; Mitch was giving Nellie some pointers on throwing knives while she listened intently. Suddenly, Mitch turned to me.  
“You were getting some pretty rare tutoring today!” he jokes.  
“What do you mean?” I look up from my hamburger.  
“What do you mean ‘what do I mean’?” he scoffs, “With Eric! He never helps anyone! I personally think he even prefers to watch us fail” He laughs.  
I shrug “He just told me to fix my arms”  
“Amy, you got the closest to the centre target than anyone in the room!” Nellie exclaims.  
Someone roughly bumps against my back.  
“He was probably taking pity on her” Jarrod leers down at us. I shoot him a bored look.  
‘Probably reckons she won’t last initiation and the least he can do is give her some self-defence before she goes to live with the factionless!” He says cynically, Erin behind him giggles.  
“Maybe it’s the opposite” Mitch sits up taller, “and he thinks Amy’s the most capable in our initiate class. Might think she deserves the extra attention; rather than waste it on your sorry ass”   
Mitch is grinning now and Jarrod scowls at him.  
“Whatever. I’ll believe that when I see it. Let’s go Erin”  
He storms out of the cafeteria, Erin jogging after him.  
“What a lug!” Mitch laughs, “I’m sorry Amy, but you Erudites… There must be something the water out there!”  
I smile at him “Thanks for sticking up for me. You really needn’t have”  
He scoffs dramatically.  
“Don’t be silly Amy-Doll,” He puts an arm over Nellies’ shoulders. “I’ve got my girls backs!”  
Nellie stiffens with his touch but soon laughs along with him.  
It was the calm before the storm. Soon it was time to head back to the training room to face our second day of fights.  
We stood around the mat while Four scanned his eyes over us to pick who was up first.  
“Gale and Mitch, get in”   
As the two boys stepped up, Eric appeared at Fours side; Frowning at the two initiates.  
“A bit boring isn’t it Four?” He sneered, “Let’s make this a tad more interesting”  
Eric turns to the watching initiates and closes in on a dark haired girl I’d never spoken to before.  
“You; Name” he barks.  
“Viv” she stands up straighter, hesitant to meet his eyes.  
“You crawled in from Amity, didn’t you Viv?”   
She nods but he only raises his eyebrows.   
“Yes sir” she says.  
“Perfect! An Amity grudge match” he looks almost gleeful as he turns back to Mitch and Gale in the ring.  
“You, tall one, get down. Viv,” he gestures for her to stand up beside Mitch.  
Four steps up beside Eric.  
“It’s only their second day doing combat. They need a week or so similarly matched until they get their techniques down!” he glares.  
Eric sneers. “Well there’s no better way to learn. Besides, a bit more entertaining”  
“Eric, there’s no way this match is happening yet. This is my class” Four is positively fuming.  
“Well, in that case, that makes me your boss” Eric’s tone is murderous.  
Four glares at him for a moment before forcing himself to look back to the ring.  
“Okay, Mitch, Viv, begin”  
I watched as the two circled each other, Mitch’s expression looked torn.  
It hurt me just to watch. Chivalrous Mitch would have grown up with this girl, gone to school with, and worked beside her in the fields. Now they stood face to face ready to strike.  
We all knew who the victor would be well before Mitch’s final blow knocked the girl from the edge of the mat. No sooner had Four declared him the winner, did Mitch hurry to Viv’s unconscious side; looking more pained now than she had during the entire match.  
He carried her to the infirmary himself.  
Eric maintained his brutal selection method that whole afternoon; pairing Nellie with Mia and Erin against Cole.  
I was last that day, which is somehow worse than being the first match in the ring. Probably because I’d spent the last two hours watching half of our group get pulverized by the other.  
The only thing that could top that was that it meant I was paired with Jarrod.  
Jarrod grinned at me menacingly as I took up my place in front of him. I forced myself to think about how he’d been defeated yesterday and how it could easily be done again.  
I took a deep breath and braced my arms.  
As soon as Four said to go, I lunged forward and cracked my elbow up into his nose. He growled and flung his fist out; I dodged it so that it only skimmed the side of my ribs.  
We jumped apart for a second before I punched him in the side of the face; he caught my arm before I could get out of his reach and delivered a sharp blow to my stomach. I gasped before I could stop myself.  
My pain only encouraged him and as I pulled out of his grip he wrapped a fist around my ponytail; holding it tightly as his fist collided with my cheekbone twice. I felt my knees buckle and I dropped to the ground. His hand still tangled into my hair.  
He forced me to the ground, but before he dropped his raised fist into my face again, he leans in close.  
“Goodnight” he smirks.   
His fist comes down and everything is dark.  
The smell of disinfectant is sharp as it pulls me awake. I blink against the bright ceiling lights.  
I’m lying in the infirmary; Narrow steel beds line the walls and machines all over the room beep and echo against the tile walls.  
I’m just pulling myself into a seated position, when the nurse dashes over.  
She’s unlike any medical professional I’ve ever seen; young, only twenty-something, with electric yellow hair pulled tightly back into a neat bun and tiny outlines of stars are tattooed beneath her left eye.  
“Don’t worry you were only knocked out. No concussion” she smiles as she hands me two pills and a glass of water. I swallow them immediately, hoping they’re to ease the throbbing pain in my head.  
She takes the empty glass from me and smiles.  
“We’re going to keep an eye on you over-night anyway, just to make sure. You’re the quickest to bounce back that we’ve seen this year” she chuckles. “Your instructor only just left; carried you in himself”  
I frowned against the sudden tiredness that flooded through me.  
“But Four can’t leave the rest of the class” I mumble, settling down onto the bed again.  
“No not him, the other one!”   
I was sunk back into sleep again before I could even comprehend her words.  
The next morning, they released me early enough that I could get back up to the dorms and shower before anyone else had even woken up.  
I sat on my bunk and pulled my boots on when Nellie perched herself beside me.  
“Hey, how’re you feeling?” she scans me up and down with concern.  
“Drugged up” I laugh.  
Across the room, Mitch stands talking with Viv. We can tell by his body language and her bruised smile that he’s doing his best to make her laugh.  
“He followed her around all last night. Even gave her his piece of cake after dinner; like he owes her a life debt or something” Nellie says almost bitterly then snorts, “Wonder how he’ll be when he has to fight me”  
I can feel the mood of our conversation shift as we continue to watch Mitch and Viv, neither of us say anything.  
In training that morning, my ranking has moved from ninth to eleventh. An uneasy feeling settles in my stomach as we continue our hand to hand combat techniques.

A few nights later, Nellie and I sit in the cafeteria when Mitch approaches the table, his face stretched in excitement.  
“What are you guys doing right now!?” he asks.  
Nellie points to her dinner and I shrug.  
“Let’s go get tattoos!” he announces proudly.  
Nellie looks doubtful “Tattoos? I don’t know Mitch”  
“Come on Nellie-girl,” He leans toward her and I can see her face turn pinker, “At least come down and help me pick something out”  
“Oh okay” she says finally and smiles at me.  
The tattoo parlour is at the very base of the pit beside the bar. Dauntless milled around the two doorways and we weaved our way through them toward to shops door.  
Just as I followed Mitch into the shop, I come face to chest with someone leaving; I managed to pull up fast enough before I could walk right into them.  
They clear their throat and I look up.  
Of course it was Eric; it was always going to be Eric. He was rolling the sleeve of his jacket down over his forearm, where a new tattoo had been wrapped and taped in plastic.  
He frowns at the three of us, before his eyes lingering on me for a moment longer.  
It sucks the breath out of me; vivid memories of myself touching the now-hardened planes of his face and the way he’d taken the both of us by surprise when he’d kissed me in his room.  
Without a word, he steps around us and pushes out of the shop. I finally breathe.  
The parlours walls were painted matte black and multi-coloured lights illuminated the main room, doorways lead off to smaller tattooing stations; designs on glass slides lined the walls.  
Mitch darted around the room, occasionally holding design plates up to us for our opinions.  
Nellie cast her eyes over one slide that showed several small, delicate designs.  
“Get one” I say.  
She laughs, “I don’t think I’d suit tattoos”  
I snort.  
“Really! And besides, I don’t even know what I’d get!”  
“What about those?” I pointed to a design very similar to what the nurse had had on her cheek; three small star outlines arranged loosely in a triangle.  
She stared at them for a moment before smiling, “Where would I even get it”  
I pointed to the area of skin between the back of her ear and her hairline.   
“I don’t know! I guess it’s just the Abnegation left in me” she turns to the design again.  
“Even more reason to get it” I grin, taking the slide off the wall and putting it in her hands.  
Half an hour later, Nellie is tracing her fingers over the new tattoo behind her ear.  
“Amy I love it, thanks so much for talking me into it!”  
Mitch was still in one of the booths; the burly, bearded tattooist still only halfway through the detailed rose design on his ribs. He told us to go on ahead and he would meet us back at the dorms.  
Nellie and I decided to go for a walk, keen to see more of the compound. We made our way up one of the corridors and pushed through a door leading out to the roof.  
The night was warm and clear, from our vantage we could just make out the lights from the fence.  
We sat silently on rooftop for a few minutes, just taking in the view.  
“Amy,” Nellie asks suddenly, I turned to her “Have you ever, you know… liked a boy?”  
“Once” I replied quietly, “A long time ago”  
She turns her whole body toward me now, “Did you ever tell him how you felt?”  
Memories unwillingly bring a smile to my lips.   
“Not exactly.” I steer the conversation back towards her, “Is this about Mitch?”  
She looks shocked, “Oh god! It’s not that obvious is it?”  
“Only to me” I laugh; Nellie blushes bright red.  
“I think you should tell him!” I say.  
“I couldn’t do that! He’s just so handsome and funny; everyone likes him” she sighs.  
“No one more so than you! C’mon, what would the new tattooed Nellie do!” I laugh.  
“Fine! I will!” she giggles, “Thank god I’ve got you here, Amy”  
We walked back down to the dorms; Nellie anxiously rehearsing what she would say to Mitch the whole way.  
I thought about last year and how even if I had of taken my own advice and said something, it still wouldn’t have mattered; our time had been up before it had even really started.  
Now, whatever we had was just a ghost between us.   
Me, the girl he’s forgotten and him, the one I still can’t forget.


	10. Beer and Honesty

The next few weeks passed and our training pushed on; every day we ran faster, punched harder and landed our knives closer and closer to the bulls’ eye.  
My skin was a gallery of bruises and my body had become stronger. Now during training and fights, I could start to hold my own. I had climbed to eighth in ranking, but for long as I could hold myself over the line, I couldn’t allow myself to believe it was over yet.  
One night, I couldn’t get to sleep; visions of the ranking board and flashes of fights play in my head.   
The dorm lay blanketed in pitch black darkness; the only sound was the steady breathing and occasional snoring coming from the bunks around me.  
I had to go for a walk; I had to get Jarrod’s leering face out of my mind.  
As quietly as I could I slipped out of bed; I decided to stay in my oversized black sleep-shirt, it came down to my mid-thigh and it’s not as if there would be anyone else walking around this time of night anyway. I pulled on my boots and tip-toed out of the dormitory.  
The corridors were deserted; the only sound amidst the silence was the delicate buzz of the string-lights. I had no destination in mind, maybe I’d find my way to that rooftop where I’d sat with Nellie.  
I was just walking across the Pit when I heard raised voices echoing from the tavern; even at this hour of night it sounded busy. Just as I’d reached a tunnel on the opposite side, the bars doors flew open; the shouting moved out into the pit.  
I turned, ducking back into the shadow of the tunnel.  
A tall Dauntless man staggered out of the bar, his eyes still fixed on the doorway. The terrified look on his face was soon explained as Eric’s menacing figure stormed out after him.  
The man stumbled backward, his hands out in front of him protectively.  
“Eric, man, I didn’t mean-“  
But Eric closed the gap and shoved him backwards, even from my distance; I could still make out the murderous, teeth-bared glare that was fixed on his face.  
“Come on, it was only a joke!” the man was trying desperately to calm him down.  
By now, Eric had backed him up against one of the Pits stone walls, his forearm pressed firmly against his throat. “Say it again, Rick,” He growled, “Say it to my face this time”  
The man, Rick, struggled against Eric’s hold.  
“I didn’t mean it man, I swear! The boys and I are just drunk!”   
Eric says nothing, then suddenly throws his head forward and smashes it right into the bridge of Ricks nose. I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep my gasp from escaping.   
Rick bellows and Eric shoves him to the ground, towering over him.  
“If I hear you talk about my father like that again, I swear I’ll break something else Rick” he spits at him before almost staggering backwards and away in the direction of one of the tunnels.  
I watch Rick as he scrabbles back to his feet, blood trickled down his face and he holds his sleeve to his nose to stem the flow. He leant unstably against the wall again, before wobbling back into the tavern.  
I look back to the tunnel, just in time to see Eric, arms braced against the wall for balance, as he sways drunkenly into the shadows.   
I stand fixed to the spot; one part of me wants to check if Eric’s okay, the other wants to stay as far away as possible from the frightening, drunken state of mind he’s in.  
I sigh. As always when it came down to Eric, irrationality won out; I crept across the Pit after him.  
I peeked around the corner of the tunnel entrance, and then just as quickly pulled my head back. Instead of an empty corridor, there was a person slumped on the ground against the wall twenty metres down. It was Eric, his chin resting on his chest and his legs stretched out in front of him.  
As quietly as I could, I walked over to him; as soon as I’d stopped by his boot he looked up at me, his eyes bloodshot.  
“Amy, what are you doing here?” he slurred.  
“I could ask you the same thing”  
He frowned and tried to stand up, using the stone wall as support.  
“Do you need a hand?” I ask, holding a hand out to him.  
“No’ he mutters as he loses his balance and slips back down to the ground again.  
I’d almost laugh if his face was anything other than lethal right now.  
“Come on” I say more persistently.  
He looks straight at me now, glowering.  
“I said fuck off Amelia!”  
It’s my turn to stagger backwards into the wall now. He just called me Amelia. Eric was the only person to ever call me by my full name; even then, he hadn’t used it in a very long time.  
I stare at him open-mouthed while he tries again to get to his feet; cursing under his breath as he does.  
When he does finally stand up, he sways dangerously.  
“You good?” I ask. It looks like he was going to shout at me again when he suddenly loses his balance and lurches forward into me.  
The weight of him is crushing and I have to shift my feet against the gravel floor for leverage.  
“C’mon, I’ll take you home” I say, pulling his arm over my shoulders to prop him up.  
“I can do it myself!” He slurs, trying to pull away from me. “Get back to your dorm”  
“Eric” I say sternly, “You can’t sleep out here in the corridor. Where do you live?”  
He grimaces then begrudgingly nods up the corridor.  
“Alright then” I say and I start leading him.  
He says nothing for much of the walk; just grunts when I ask him for directions and drags his feet clumsily.  
He directs me up to the next floor where all the other leaders and instructors’ apartments must be, we stop outside a doorway and he pushes away from me; uncoordinatedly retrieving his keys from his pocket. I gave him a whole minute while he struggled to find the keyhole before I took them from his hand and unlocked the door.  
We jostled inside; his apartment was huge compared to the dorms, easily the size of the floor level from one of our old erudite house.  
It had one long, narrow window than ran across an entire wall; a neatly made bed sat up against it.  
There was a small room off to my left that housed a tiny, neat kitchen; the doorway beside it must have led to the bathroom.  
I was almost happy to see that Eric’s decorating sense hadn’t changed a bit; the entire apartment was bare of everything, except a modest two seater sofa and a fully-stocked bookshelf.  
I could feel Eric’s weight starting to sag; I kicked the front door closed with my foot and dragged him across to the bed.  
He collapsed onto it with a groan; one arm over his eyes, shielding them from the bright ceiling lights.  
I put his keys onto the kitchen counter and started to back up towards the door.  
“Don’t” I thought I heard him slur.  
“What?”  
“I said stay, Amelia” he growls.  
I uncertainly perch on the end of his sofa.  
“You called me Amelia” I say finally.  
“Good listening” he says bitterly.  
“No, I just mean… I thought you’d forgotten me” I frown.  
He lifts his arm from his eyes and looks straight at me, eyes creased with anger.  
“Of course I hadn’t forgotten you. I knew it was you the second I saw that stupid blue scarf” he scoffs.   
My breath hitches in my throat.  
“Then… all these weeks… why-“   
“Why didn’t I say anything? Why didn’t I single you out on that rooftop on the very first day? You know why Amelia, things are different now; things have changed”  
I tried to shake the hurt off from his last words.  
“You’re an initiate; it’s imperative that no one knows about us, they’ll stand me down as training supervisor the minute they find a conflict of interest” His eyes bore into mine, “And if that happens, there’ll be no way I can watch over you”  
“I don’t need ‘watching over’” I say tersely.  
“Oh, you do” he sits up straight now, unfocused-eyes turned toward me, “You’re Dauntless, Amelia. But you’re weak”  
I stand up angrily. “You don’t think I haven’t been worrying about that? I gave up everything and in a few months I’ll probably be kicked to the kerb”  
“Wait, that’s not what I meant” Eric groaned, rubbing at his eyes. “Come here”  
I reluctantly walked over to where he sat on the edge of the bed.  
He stretched out one hand and placed it against my arm, his long fingers callused and rough.  
“I’m going to do everything in my power to get you through this” His bloodshot eyes stare at me intensely.  
I stare right back at him, too overwhelmed with emotion to speak.  
He releases my arm and lies back down on the bed again. He looks horrible when he’s drunk.  
I’m still standing beside him when he half smiles.  
“Told you you’d follow me” he says tiredly.  
I smile and shake my head at him. I was going to wait until the drink had finally knocked him into sleep before I would head back to my own bed.  
I sat back on the couch.  
The last thing I remember was deciding it would be a good idea if I rested my eyes for just a moment.


	11. War Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who takes the time to read and enjoy my work!  
> Your comments and support really mean the world to me and quite frankly, really motivate me to write more and more! x

The next thing I know is that someone is shaking me awake.  
Eric frowns down at me, still in the same clothes from last night; his hair dishevelled from where he’d slept on it.  
“You need to get out” He says distantly.  
“Wha?” I mumble as I rub the sleep from my eyes. The apartment was dark; it must have still been early.  
“You shouldn’t have stayed here last night. You need to leave”  
I sat upright, all drowsiness gone when I register the seriousness on his face.  
He opens the front door and looks down the hallway; satisfied the coast is clear he turns back to me.  
“Now” he nods out the door.  
My back aches from the hard couch as I stand up, I pause in the doorway as I stand in the corridor; he avoids my eyes.  
“I’m sorry, I…” I stammer.  
“See you in training Amelia” He says quietly as he pushes the door closed.  
But not before I saw a flash of familiar cobalt blue amidst the black fabric on his coat rack.  
It was getting to become a bit of a routine, getting back to the dorms before any of the other initiates had woken; tip-toeing through the bunks to the showers.  
I let the warm water cascade over my hair and shoulders while I contemplated Eric’s drunken words.  
He had known it was me from the very beginning and he had let me believe that he saw me as a stranger; just another initiate.  
That fact hurt more than the first time he saw me here, on the roof of the Dauntless compound, when he had cast his eyes right past me.  
If I hadn’t of found him in that dark tunnel last night, would he have ever said anything? Did that week a year ago mean so little to him? Once again, I found myself feeling like a fool for clinging to that unrealistic belief that he had ever felt anything towards me.  
And his reason for keeping his distance, that ‘he wanted to watch out for me’. Was that just his excuse to justify treating me like he’d never met me? But it couldn’t be, an almost unstoppable tirade of thoughts ran through my mind; Eric unable to watch my first fight, helping only me during knife throwing, carrying me to the infirmary and my stupid blue scarf that he had kept in his apartment.  
It struck me that he had never forgotten me, he’d been there in the most subtle way and I hadn’t even realized.  
I dressed and headed down to breakfast on my own.  
I was on my second mug of coffee when Mitch sat beside me.  
“There you are! Where did you go last night?”  
I stared at the rim of my cup so he wouldn’t be able to gauge anything from my expression.  
“Amy-Doll, I don’t care what you get up to, as long as you turn up in one piece; but Nell really worried” he said quietly, gazing across to the lunch line where Nellie queued with her tray.  
“I told her you decided to go to the training room for some late-night practice; she went to sleep but I know you didn’t sleep in the dorms last night”  
He puts a hand on my shoulder and I know I have to look at him.  
‘And you don’t need to tell me, it’s your business; just promise you’re not doing anything risky” His concerned eyes bore into mine.  
“I promise” I say and he grins.  
“Perfect! Now more importantly, are you finished with that toast?” he points to the buttered half that sits in front of me.  
I laugh and push the plate toward him.  
That morning we continued our training with guns; surprisingly, assembling and firing a gun was the one thing I was almost half good at. Though I’d only just become accustomed to the recoil from the weapon after I pulled the trigger, the hits on my target were all clustered around the centre.  
Four was impressed with my quick uptake and even suggested I get an early start on the next phase of firearm.  
I finished that day of training with more faith in myself than I’d had since choosing day.  
After the first few weeks of training, Four no longer had to jolt us awake first thing in the morning; we had gotten to the stage when our bodies instinctively knew when to wake up. So it was startling when we were suddenly startled out of our dreams by loud clanging and the merciless overhead lights being turned on.  
I sat up quickly; everyone in the dorm shared my exact look of tired confusion.  
Four stood in the doorway, the slightest curve to his lips as he watched us scramble out of our bunks.  
“Whassgoinon?” Mitch garbled, his eyes hardly visible under his ruffled blonde mop.  
“War games!” Four announced, “I want to see everyone down at the train platform in fifteen minutes!” He turned on his heel and disappeared up the corridor.  
Mitch turned to me and squinted.  
“What! Thassounfair” He groaned and climbed down from his bunk.  
Nellie was beside me, looking just as dishevelled as her boyfriend.  
“It’s the middle of the night” She sighs, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.  
I checked my watch, it was three in the morning, we’d only been asleep for four and a half hours.  
We all trudged into our gear and headed down to the platform; discussing what kind of cruel joke this all was.  
It was the first I’d seen a stationary train carriage during my whole time here at Dauntless; usually they sped right through the compound and those wanting to catch it had to run along beside it just to jump on. Four leant out of an open carriage door and waved for us to hurry up.  
Once I’d pulled myself inside, I looked around the compartment; it was already full of the Dauntless born initiates. I was relieved to see that they all looked as sleep-deprived as I did.  
Eric stands beside Four, not a hair out of place, looking impatient as the last of the stragglers board the train.  
“Good morning initiates” he smirks; there’s a gun holstered around his hip and I’m suddenly nervous as to what we were doing. “War Games are a long honoured tradition here at Dauntless. Not only will you draw from everything you’ve learnt in your training so far; but also push yourself to think tactfully and as a team”  
He frowns around the carriage as the train starts to move.  
“Rules are simple, basic ‘Capture the flag’; Four and I will each head a team of initiates to a destination to hide our flags. From there, we will devise a strategy to relieve the other team of theirs”  
“Weapon of choice” Eric pulls his gun from his belt, holding it up to where we could see it.  
“Pfft. Paintballs” I heard a voice snigger quietly beside me; Jarrod of course.  
Eric smirks.  
“Wrong” In one fluid motion, Eric whips the gun towards Jarrod’s thigh and pulls the trigger; an ear splitting crack rips through the carriage; Jarrod topples to the ground with a graceless squeak.  
“Neuro-simulator darts” Eric continues, stepping over Jarrod as he frantically tries to pull a small, steel barb from his leg. “Replicates the pain from a real gunshot wound; fades after a few minutes. Any questions?”  
He glances around, still clutching the gun in his hand. The lack of questions is deafening and his sneer only grows.  
Four clears his throat, clearly unimpressed with Eric’s little performance.  
“We’ll start by picking our teams. Eric, would you like to go first?”  
“Fine by me” He scowls around the carriage. “Amy” He calls.  
I was so unprepared for him to call my name that it takes me a few seconds before I can make myself go and stand beside him. He avoids my eyes the entire walk.  
Four chooses Jarrod next and he limps smugly to our instructors’ side.  
The selection went on. Eric, after myself as his, quite frankly alarming, first choice, proceeded to pick the strongest initiates from both Fours class and the Dauntless-born.  
By now, the train was approaching the unused area of the city, down where a boardwalk swept out across the dried up lake bed. From here, there were no residences past the line of dilapidated warehouses that fringed the corner of the city.  
The rail line started to even out closer to the ground.  
“After you Four” Eric spat Fours name bitterly. Our instructor and his team of initiates armed themselves with dart guns before leaping from the train.  
Eric turns to us. “Everyone grab a gun and start thinking strategy. We get off after the water tower”  
I turn to Mitch who had also been chosen for this team; though as far as Eric was concerned, Mitch’s name was ‘Amity’.  
“Did you ever used to play this back at your old faction?” I ask.  
“Never like this” he smiles and shifts the gun in his hands.  
I felt a bit more relaxed knowing I had Mitch with me; there were very few transfer initiates on Eric’s team and the thought of strategizing with this group of pierced, tattooed strangers made me uneasy.  
Eric called us to attention when the top of the water tower came into view. One by one the initiates jumped past Eric and onto the gravel below.  
When it was my turn, Eric gave me a meaningful look and pitched himself out of the carriage beside me.  
Once we were all on our feet, we clustered around him.  
“What have you come up with?” he looks around us expectantly.  
“Find a tall, defendable location” a black haired Dauntless says.  
“Half of us on defence, half on offence” the girl behind him calls.  
“Send a lookout to find the other team” another adds.  
“All average suggestions” Eric says boredly.”But if you lot thought of them that quick, how predictable will the other team find them”  
Before I can stop myself, I think out loud “What if we don’t hide the flag”  
All eyes turn to me.  
“You do know the concept of this game, don’t you?” the black haired boy scoffs derisively.  
“Shut up Zane” Eric barks at him, the boy flinches at his glare, “Go on Amy”  
I clear my throat nervously.  
“What if we don’t hide the flag in one place, what if one of us carries it with us?”  
The team look back at Eric awaiting his reaction.  
His stare is on me, unwavering and intense; the glow of the moon casting deep shadows across his face.  
“Wont the other team notice that our entire group goes on the offense?” He raises an eyebrow.  
I hesitate, still unsure if I’ve made a mistake putting forward my idea.  
“We’d need to have a decoy location; a few guards somewhere defendable to distract them. They’d think we’ve left our flag an easy target and send most of their team there.”  
Around me, my team whispers; but my eyes stay firmly on Eric. I half expected him to laugh and send me back to the compound but instead he looks almost impressed.  
“Not bad, initiate” he begins to pace between us. “Does anyone have any arguments against the plan?”  
I expected an outcry but instead the rest of my team supported it.  
“Good” Eric reaches into his vest pocket and produces the flag in question. It’s made from a fine, shimmering material and even in the darkness it glows a bright red.  
“Lexi and Amity” a tall crimson-haired dauntless-born girl steps forward; Mitch takes a second to realize he’s being addressed before stepping forward beside her.  
“Go on ahead and scout the other teams’ location. Try the carrousel; knowing Four, he won’t stray too far from habit” He sneers. “And don’t get caught. If you do, better let them shoot you, or I’ll do it myself when you get back; understood?”  
Mitch and Lexi nod timidly before sprinting off into the darkness.  
“Defence; Zane, Mia and Ryen. Go find somewhere high and secure it, make it look like we actually give a shit about whatever we have up there”  
The three nod dutifully before they too disappeared amongst the shadows between the warehouses.  
“The rest of us, front line” Eric announces.  
“Who’s carrying the flag?” Cole asks.  
“The one they’d least expect” Eric turns to me and I freeze up.  
“M-Me?”  
Eric smiles, as he tucks the flag into the front pocket of my jacket. “Your plan; your burden to carry. Besides, you’re small enough to outrun any of Fours team”  
I almost blush as he buttons my pocket closed over the flag, but he turns away after he can do any real damage.  
The sound of running footsteps from the trees behind us severs the moment; each of us raise our guns in direction of the sound and aim.  
Mitch is the first to enter the clearing, his hands upraised. Lexi follows close behind, breathing hard.  
“The carrousel” Mitch announces, his hands only dropping after Eric lowers his weapon.  
“Predictable” He mutters then turns to us.  
“Everyone spread out and surround their position!” Eric calls, the smallest almost sadistic smile creeps over his face as his eyes settle on mine, “Keep your heads down; if one of you gets shot, don’t go down without a fight”


	12. War Games Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter's so short and so overdue!  
> I've been back at work and in the process of starting a new job, just gotta find my rhythm again!
> 
> This chapter's for Rose, whose avid support and unwavering persistence made this get finished haha

In the darkness, everything is terrifying. I keep my dart gun raised high.  
I’m edging along the side of one of the warehouse buildings, my ears straining to hear anything over my own heartbeat. Away in the distance, the moonlight illuminates the very top of the ferris wheel and I know that just below it sits the carrousel, our target.  
I lost sight of my team mates a while ago when they dispersed amongst the shadows; Eric leading the charge with the determination of as if he had a score to settle.  
Every snapping twig or gust of wind that blew trash across the pavement sounded like a rival creeping through the dark behind me. I had to remind myself that I could do this; my aim far more accurate than anyone in Fours class meant I had an advantage; and being on Eric’s team almost completely exclusive of Ash’s initiates class meant I knew the other teams’ weaknesses.  
I was still focusing on this thought when I stepped around the corner of a shipping container. A figure crouched just across the space from me. I ducked back behind the steel, but not fast enough that they didn’t turn to see me.  
It was Jarrod.  
“There you are Amy! I was hoping I’d run into you!” he drawled. I could hear his boots crunch against the dirt as he walked in the direction of my container.  
As quietly as I could I slipped around the other corner; mentally kicking myself for not shooting him on sight and preparing myself for my next chance.  
“Aaaamy… you can’t hide forever!” I hear him call in a singsong voice as he keeps moving toward me.  
I duck around to the other side of the container and aim my gun at the edge, right where he would follow me.  
His footsteps subsided and an eerie feeling washed over to me.  
Suddenly, I hear the smallest noise over my shoulder; I spin around and see Jarrod, having snuck up behind me, sneering.  
“Boo” He whispers just before he smashes the butt of his gun against the side of my head.  
My head snaps backwards and I have to cling to the grooves in the container for balance; all my eyes can see is blinding white.  
I gasp in pain and then I feel pressure on my forehead.  
When my vision returns, Jarrod stands before me; a smirk on his face and the barrel of his gun pressed to my brow.  
“Since you like games so much, bitch, I’ve got one for you. It’s called ‘tell me where your flag is or we play where should I shoot you first’”  
I try to squirm away from his aim but he shoots his hand out to my throat and squeezes it; something almost maniacal glazing over his eyes.  
“Or we can just skip the first part; get straight to the good bit. So I was thinking of shooting you right in the chest, but this…” He pushes the barrel harder into the skin of my forehead, “Seems like way more fun”  
He sneers. “Hold still Amy, this might hurt just a bit!”  
He laughs and a gunshot rings through the air. My eyes were squeezed shut so I was stunned that it was Jarrod who screamed.  
I opened my eyes just as he fell forward onto me, still in shock I pushed him to the ground; it was then that I saw the dart embedded in the skin on the back of his neck.  
I looked up to find Eric standing on the roof of the next shipping container; a smirk on his face as he lowered his gun to his side.  
I breathed the biggest sigh of relief and smiled back up at him.  
He leaps off the roof and lands neatly in front of me.   
“I thought I told you to keep your head down”   
“You could have hit me” I whisper, frowning at him slightly.  
The corners of his mouth curl up again.  
“Amelia, I’m a very good shot”  
I roll my eyes.  
“We need to keep moving” He says as he takes my hand and pulls me over Jarrod’s moaning form, “They’ll be figuring it out by now”  
He leads me away from the container lot and down an alleyway that connects to the streets. His hand never leaving mine; my mind wanders away from the game as I focus on the feel of his cool fingers; memorizing the moment before he inevitably turns to stone again.  
The street out of the alley is deserted; a block down, it runs into the beginning of the boardwalk, and the asphalt turns to worn wooden beams.  
If Fours team chose the carousal to hide their flag, then we’re close. That meant no matter what Fours tactic was the boardwalk would be crawling with guards.  
Soundlessly, we edged along the wall of a street-side building and crouched beside a pile of wooden pallets.  
“Once we’re on the boardwalk, I’ll go ahead. You need to try harder to stay hidden and watch the mouth of the pier, try and keep any more of their team from getting in. got it?”  
I nodded once and we stealthily made our way towards it.  
At the entrance of the ferris wheel and carousal area, I stopped at the side of an old ticket booth. It had high enough walls on either side that I could duck behind and its small roof basked it in shadow.  
I quietly pushed open its flimsy door and turned to Eric. He seemed to understand what I was suggesting and nodded.  
Pushing into the dusty little cabin, I pulled my weapon higher and took one last glance out of the window behind me to watch Eric’s disappearing figure in the shadows.   
I knelt at the front window and peeked out across the street. If any of Fours or my own team made their way onto the pier, they’d have to walk right past me. I poised my gun against the chipped wooden counter and waited.  
The first few minutes passed like hours and I was starting to worry that maybe everyone was already on the boardwalk, worried I’d left Eric with no one to watch his back.   
Just as I thought about abandoning my post, a figure creeping out from a building corner caught my eye; I aimed my gun at them immediately, just waiting for them to step into a ray of moon light.  
It was Mitch. I lowered my gun again as I watched him look around him before turning back behind the building. When he emerged again he had Nellie by his side.  
I know Eric had said to shoot any of the other team on site, but there was no way I was going to shoot at Nell. Instead, I kept hidden in the shadows and watched as Mitch took her hand and led her towards the pier. I wondered if that’s what Eric and I would have looked like to anybody watching. Surely not, with us there had been a lot less hand holding; as well as the lack of encouraging looks from him and anxious smiles from me.  
As soon as my two friends were out of sight, another figure came into view; this time it was Erin.  
I didn’t even think about it, I pointed my gun in her direction and pulled the trigger.  
She dropped to the ground snarling, grabbing the shoulder that I’d just embedded a dart in.  
I felt the corner of my lips turn up involuntarily; that had almost felt good. Now all I needed was another shot at Jarrod.  
A stream of gunshots behind me tore my gaze away from Erin. I turned toward the rear facing window and scanned the shadowy booths outside for the source of the sound.  
The sound of cursing was the only thing that rose over the gun fire; distinctly familiar.  
I hardly even checked the coast was clear before I pushed out of the booth and started running through the shadows toward the commotion.  
The first thing I saw was Four crouched behind a booth, his forehead creased in concentration. I hide myself behind a wall as I watched him duck around the side and fire two shots up the alleyway.  
Another shot rings out and Four darts back for cover.  
“I can play this game all night Four!” a deep voice calls, I can tell by the smugness in it that it’s Eric. I have to strain my eyes against the shadows until I see him concealed behind another booth in the same row as Four.  
“May as well get this over with and come on out!”  
Four clenches his jaw and swiftly fires toward him again, I hear Eric laugh.  
“Then you couldn’t hide from me!” Four shouts in Eric direction.  
I hear Eric mutter something as he shifts around the corner of the stand, his gun raised high. But Four’s too quick and manages to fire another round before Eric can even aim.  
One of his shots hits Eric in the leg and he curses loudly as he hobbles back for cover. Four uses this opportunity to hone in on the booth Eric is shielding behind.  
From my vantage, all I can see is Eric’s boots as he fumbles to stand up and Fours back as he steps around the booth; his gun aimed directly at Eric on the ground.  
I had to do something; without thinking I step out into the alley with my gun raised, and fire.  
My dart embeds itself directly between my instructors’ shoulder blades and he promptly grunts before falling onto his side.  
Eric, finally on his feet, glares at Four while he convulses on the ground before it finally travelled toward me.  
I lower my gun but he doesn’t lower the intensity in his eyes.  
“I had him!” He growls as he stalks toward me. I instinctively back up against one of the canvas walls behind me.  
“I told you to stay hidden” His frown is inches from my own face now; his shoulders rise and fall with his heavy breathing.  
“I… I’m sorry” I whisper, forcing myself to stand straighter and not to cower under the coldness of his gaze, “I just thought you might-“  
“I didn’t need your help Amelia!” he strikes the canvas wall beside me with his fist and I cringe.  
“I didn’t need you!”   
We stare at each other in silence and I hope to god I don’t look as hurt as I feel right now. Somewhere in the distance someone calls out.  
“I got the flag!” Followed by a roar of celebration.  
Eric’s steely eyes bore into mine for a second more before he turns and stalks off toward the carrousel.  
I watch him disappear and take a few deep breaths to calm myself before I follow him.


	13. The Tutor

It was Mitch who’d found the flag; he’d snuck past three guards and Four’s empty post before relieving the luminous green fabric from the neck of a fibreglass carousal horse.  
We were on the train back to the compound, Mitch had the flag held high above his head as the initiates from our team as well as from Four’s, congratulated each other on the victory.  
Eric stood alone, leaning against the carriage wall scowling out of the open sliding door.  
I dared a glance at him but regretted it almost immediately when his cold eyes shot up toward mine.  
Yet again, I found myself unable to figure out what his problem was. All I did was take down Four before he had a chance to shoot him on the ground; that was part of the game wasn’t it? To look out for the team? He’d done the same thing to Jarrod. Was Eric that egotistical that he couldn’t admit he needed help?   
I folded my arms around myself as I pretended to listen to Mitch regale his flag-capturing story again; Eric’s harsh words replaying themselves in my mind.  
“I didn’t need you”  
By the time we got back the sun was just beginning to rise over the compound. Our training wouldn’t start until that afternoon so we would have a chance to rest from our unplanned night out.  
Mitch, Nellie and I decided to pass by the cafeteria and get some breakfast before going back to the dorms to sleep the morning away.  
I piled my tray with toast and eggs and helped myself to juice instead of my usual coffee, before heading to the table where my friends were sitting.  
Mitch leant back on his bench, talking avidly with a group of Dauntless-born initiates about the game. Nellie sat quietly beside him, poking at her fruit salad with a fork; she smiled up at me when I joined them.  
“Congrats on winning this morning!” she laughed.   
“Though your team leader didn’t look very excited! I suppose there’s not much that can make Eric smile”  
I tried to laugh back at her, knowing personally that some things actually did make Eric Stanton smile.  
“I saw you and Mitch together during the game” I say to redirect the conversation.  
“Yeah I’m sure that was very against the rules” She looks at Mitch’s turned back adoringly.  
“He found me hiding from Cole in one of the warehouses. Managed to drag me around and still get the flag! Where was yours hidden by the way?”   
I’m about to tell her when I realize the bulge in my jacket pocket is still there. I frown and reach in, extracting the scarlet material.  
“No wonder we couldn’t find it!” Nell laughs.  
“I forgot I still had it” I mumble, “I’ll have to go drop it off to Eric on the way back to the dorms”  
“Pfft” Nellie snorts, “Have fun with that!”  
Great, the last thing I wanted to do was have to be face to face with Eric after the last encounter we’d shared. I sigh and push my breakfast away.  
I left Mitch and Nellie hand in hand on the way back to the dorms where the staircase that lead up to the Leaders apartments split off from the main corridor.  
I deliberately walked slowly, wringing the flag in my hands while I prepared myself for Eric’s rage.  
Once I reached his door I took a deep breath and knocked three times.  
At first there was only silence. Maybe he hadn’t come home after the train had dropped us off. I knocked once more.  
This time there was a thud and from deep within the apartment I heard him snarl.  
“What the fuck!” I could hear his heavy footsteps approach the front door and I stepped further back into the corridor.  
The door swung open abruptly and Eric glared above my head for half a second before his eyes travelled down to find mine. He was shirtless (which was absolutely breathtaking) and his hair was dishevelled from being asleep, long blonde strands hung over his forehead; a flash of surprise almost swayed his cold expression, but failed.  
“What?” He sighed, leaning against the door frame; his powerful arms crossed over his defined chest.  
“I… I have to give this back” I stammered, holding the flag out toward him; forcing my gaze away from where the waistband of his tracksuit pants was slung low on his hips. “I still had it in my pocket”  
He snatched it away from me and fixed his tired eyes back on me.  
“Anything else?”  
I shook my head and he nodded curtly.  
“Thanks” He muttered. He scanned his eyes over me one last time before he shut the door in my face.  
It was a restless sleep once I finally got back to the dorms. Most of the class were asleep already, I lay in my bunk but the bright mid-morning sunlight kept me from sleeping.  
Before long, Four came around to rouse us all awake and told us to be in the training room in fifteen minutes.  
My tossing and turning had pulled my hair loose from its bun so the first thing I did was smooth it back into a neat ponytail before I dressed in clean training clothes.  
Nellie wandered up beside me looking exhausted. I sat down to pull on my boots and gave her a sympathetic smile.  
“Didn’t get much sleep?” I ask.  
She shakes her head wearily as Mitch joins us.  
“I’m sure another afternoon of fighting will wake us right up” he sighs. “Shall we head off?”  
We made our way down to the training room where Four stood waiting for us. He looked completely rested; as if he wasn’t even with us last night.  
“Afternoon” Four calls. “Before we get into this afternoons combat matches, take a moment to look at the rankings board. Your results from your performance in this morning’s War Games have been taken into account and your ranks adjusted accordingly”  
All eyes travelled to the board beside him. I was relieved when I saw my name beside the six.  
Mitch’s name had risen all the way up to second and even better, Jarrod’s had dropped to my old place at eighth; I had to smile a little bit and even without looking in his direction I could sense the scowl on his face.  
“Let’s get to it then” Four claps his hands together impatiently, “First in the ring, Mitch and Amy”  
I froze; I hadn’t actually had to fight either of my friends yet, let alone anyone that high up the ranking board.  
Step up into the ring beside Mitch; he gives my shoulder a quick squeeze before he goes to stand opposite me.  
“When you’re read-“ Four’s cue was interrupted as Eric strolled into the training room.  
Four didn’t look at him.  
“Glad you could make it, Eric”  
“Had a meeting” He responds curtly, before standing a good distance away from Fours side; his eyes on the ring.  
“Some of us have more than one job, you know”  
Beside him, Four rolls his eyes.  
“Begin initiates” He drawls and my gaze turns back to Mitch.  
“Don’t hold back Amy-doll” He whispers as he raises his arms in the defence position, “Give me everything you’ve got”  
I nod slightly and we begin to circle each other.  
Mitch has always been fast but I was much quicker; before he’d even planned his first move I darted toward him, throwing my elbow up into his chin. His head snaps upwards and gives me enough time to jab him in the stomach.  
He flails a fist out toward me but I dodge it easily, grabbing his passing arm and using it to pull his face toward my elbow again. Mitch let out an almost animalistic groan and used the arm I gripped to push me across the ring; I almost lost my footing and the time I took to catch myself allowed him to land a blow to the back of my head.  
I only just managed to keep myself standing before Mitch spun me around and elbows the top of my chest. It sucked the breath out of me and I gasped. I was immobile for just a second, but more than enough time for him to kick my knees out from under me and I buckled to the ground.  
I tried frantically to pull myself away from him but Mitch caught my foot and dragged me back toward him.  
I knew Mitch was top-ranked but I had no idea he was this physically strong.  
“Stop going easy, Amity” I hear Eric growls from the edge of the ring. A mixture of expressions flash over his face before he pulls himself back into the match.  
I kick out at him from my position on the floor but he pins my legs down. He tries to free one of his hands so he can land a punch to my face and I manage to slip one foot free; I slam it against the side of his face.  
Teeth gritted he manoeuvres himself so that he sits on my waist, my kicks don’t reach him now and he pins one of my arms under his leg. He hits me twice in quick succession and I see stars.  
I think he might have hit me again but by now I’m too close to unconsciousness to notice. Suddenly he climbs off me.  
I take a moment to just lie on the mat before Mitch takes my hands and pulls me to my feet.  
“Good job Amy-doll!” he beams, rubbing at his jawbone which still holds and impressive imprint from my boot.  
I smile at him and we climb from the ring. He leads me to the row of benches and sits me down.  
Four calls the next two initiates to the ring and I watch them half-heartedly. Mitch sits by my side sneaking concerned sideways glances at my speedily darkening bruises.  
Being the first in the ring also means we have the longest to wait until the end of training. When Four finally does call the end of the day I’m sore and starving. I gather up my jacket and follow Nell and Mitch out of the training room but before I can walk out the doors, a voice behind me calls my name.  
“Amy, can I see you for a moment”  
It’s Eric; and it’s not a question. I wave my friends off and walk toward him; apprehensive about what he wants to say and what tone it will be in.  
Once the hall was clear of initiates, Eric glances over at Four who was at the other side of the room clearing the equipment, before turning back to me.  
He leans in closer.  
“Meet me here tomorrow morning at five” he says quietly.  
“W… why?” I frown, but he’s already walking away toward the doors.  
“Dress for training” he adds and disappears from sight.  
I rush through dinner that evening and head up to the dorms before anyone else; because I had to be in the training room two hours earlier than usual, I wanted to make sure I was rested enough for whatever Eric was planning.  
I was dead to the world before any of the other initiates had even made it back.  
The next morning I only just woke up in time. The sky outside the grubby dorm windows was still pitch black and I had to bundle my training gear and dress in the bathroom so that I wouldn’t wake anyone or have to give any explanations.  
The corridors down to the training room were deserted; it seemed as if no one in Dauntless was up and about earlier than they had to be. I half expected Eric to have forgotten he asked me to meet him here, but sure enough as I pushed through the doors, there he was.  
His back toward me as he kicked the canvas cover over the top of the training mat; he looked just as composed this early in the morning as if it was the middle of the afternoon, though today he’d opted for a plain black t-shirt instead of his usual thick-fabric vest.  
I approached where he stood.  
“Hurry up” He called over his shoulder.  
I quickened my pace and stopped at the edge of the mat, it was only then that he turned to look at me.  
“So… what are we doing?” I ask.  
“Call it tutoring” the corner of his mouth turns up.  
I raise an eyebrow.  
“I’ve grown tired of watching you get annihilated during combat training. Your classmates are starting to exceed you and it’s time I stepped in to bring you up to par”  
“I’m ranked sixth” I say defensively.  
“You only have your reflexes and accuracy with weapons to thank for that”  
I say nothing and frown at him.  
“we’re going to run through some techniques and within the next few weeks I expect you to be ranked in the top two”  
“Weeks? You want me to do this every morning?!”  
He looks amused.  
“Who will I even practice with? The dummy?” I point to the grey blob of the fighting mannequin.  
“Me” His smirk is growing by the second.  
“Is this even in your job description? And I can’t fight you! You’ll kill me!”  
He steps down from the mat and strides right in front of me, his hardened face hovering just inches above mine.  
“No… and not if you learn fast enough”


	14. Fire and Stone

“Try it again. This time at least pretend you give a shit”  
Sweat poured down my brow, though we’d only been in the ring for forty minutes. Eric had been almost amused as he effortlessly dodged my strikes and brushed my full-force punches aside as if they were annoying insects; but now he was getting bored.  
“Can’t we do something else? We’ve been at this for almost an hour and I’m not getting any better” I complain, wiping the sweat off the back of my neck.  
He crosses his arms.  
“You’re not even fighting back!”  
He snorts “You haven’t landed a punch yet so that’s probably a good thing”  
I roll my eyes and tighten my sweaty ponytail.  
‘Let’s go again”  
He hardly even adjusts his stance as I hold my arms up in front of me and plan my next move.  
One of the first things Four had taught us was that every opponent had a weakness and that if you were able to discern it, you could take down an adversary twice your size.  
The only problem with Four’s theory though, was that Eric didn’t seem to have a weakness; I’d tried to attack him from every angle and every time he’d be able to deflect every blow.  
I swung an elbow out toward his chest as fast as I could but in a split second he lifts his arm and catches it cleanly in the palm of his hand.   
He returns my efforts with a cynically raised eyebrow.  
“Focus” he says impatiently.  
I take a deep breath and position myself to strike again. This time I swing my left fist toward his stomach and as he goes to deflect it, I throw my right fist at the side of his face. He ducks his head to the side at the last second but I still manage to graze his jaw with my knuckles.  
Eric looked at me almost surprised and I grin at him smugly.  
“Don’t look too proud, Amelia” he says “We’ve been here over an hour and you’ve only managed to touch me once”  
The thought of touching him warmed my cheeks and I turned away before he could notice.  
“We’ll wrap up for this morning” he continues as he steps down off the training mat. “Go eat something and we’ll pick this up again tomorrow”  
I stepped down after him.  
“Wait. You’re really going to stick to training me every morning even though you don’t have to?” I ask quietly.  
Eric glances at the ground and for a moment his expression softens.  
“Of course”  
I smile at him and he returns it with his own; void of all of his usual smugness and sarcasm. It’s a true Eric smile and it’s beautiful.  
I’m already seated in the cafeteria when Nellie walks in.  
“Early morning?” she asks as she pours herself a juice.  
Eric had asked me to keep our private instruction between the two of us; the other initiates would see it as an unfair advantage and people would ask questions.  
“I was just really hungry” I laugh, holding up my half-finished toast.  
“Are you excited for Visiting day this weekend?” Nellie questions as she spreads jam on her own toast.  
Visiting day was the first, and probably last, time we’d see our families from our old factions; if our loved ones decided to attend, we would spend the entire day with them, showing them around the compound and tell them all about our initiation so far.  
“I completely forgot it was so soon” I frown; a vivid image flashed to my mind, my parents’ crestfallen faces as I walked toward the Dauntless sector on Choosing day. I couldn’t imagine them ever wanting to see me again; not after I betrayed and left them behind.  
“I can’t wait” Nell continues, “We’re always so busy and tired; but I still miss my parents constantly, you know?”  
I nod solemnly and I hope she interprets it as empathic agreement.  
Eric doesn’t supervise training that day but he’s there in spirit; in the form of my aching muscles from this morning.  
I even manage to win a fight; I used the same faking technique that had gotten past Eric only hours earlier. Paired up with Mia; I aimed a fist at her stomach and while her concentration focussed on defence, I right hooked her off the edge of the mat.  
He wasn’t even there to see it.  
I still hadn’t seen him when I got out of my bunk early the next morning. I dressed quietly and crept down to the training room in the dark morning; hoping desperately that he’d be there.  
But of course he was; I walked into the room and he stood by the rankings board, arms folded behind his back.  
I had this feeling of deja vu at the sight of him and I’m reminded of back in Erudite; of that week when I never expected him to be there waiting for me, but he always was.  
He turns at the sound of my boots on the stone floor.  
“You’ve moved up” he nods his head sideways to the ranking board.  
“I won my fight against Mia yesterday”  
“As you should have; still plenty of work to do though” He starts walking over to the ring, “You’re up against Jarrod tomorrow”  
“I-What?” I practically squeak, “How do you know that?”  
“Because I just said so” he shrugs off his heavy jacket and throws it to the side of the mat.  
I walk over to him, outraged.  
“Why would you deliberately do that?!” I step up onto the mat behind him, trying to meet his gaze.  
“Because you can do it” He turns around to tower over me. “You can beat the shit out of that kid tomorrow, I know you can; you just have to want it enough!”  
“I can’t!” I’m almost shouting at him, “He sends me to the infirmary every single time!”  
“Not tomorrow, he won’t” Eric snorts.  
“And what makes you so sure?” I scoff at him.  
He smiles.  
“You managed to hit me yesterday”  
“I only just glanced you; once!”  
“You don’t understand. Amelia, initiates don’t hit me” he edges closer toward me, “I never intended to let you land a single move; I only wanted to see how far I could push you before you snapped”  
I stared up at him, confused.  
“That’s why you’re going to win tomorrow; because you’re smart enough. You know the techniques; you just need to master the mindset”  
He’s inches away from me now and I can’t assess by the look in his eyes whether I should stand my ground or shrink backwards away from him.  
It’s at that moment as I wrestle with these decisions that he suddenly closes the gap between us and kisses me.  
My adrenalin was already so on edge that I almost gasped before I tilted my head up to meet his; his rough, calloused hand found the back of my neck and he pulled me toward him.   
No sooner had I composed myself, he pulled away.   
He stared down at me, his lips slightly apart; looking both shocked and angry at the same time. It was like he was deciding whether to apologize or shout.  
The seconds felt like hours as we just stared at each other, our steady breathing the only sound amid the silence.  
Just when I thought he was about to turn and walk away from me, the conflict in his mind was suddenly resolved and he pulled me toward him again.  
This kiss was far more intense than the first; his lips moved hard upon mine. His hand found the back of my neck again and the other gripped my waist like a vice. I allowed myself to be pulled against him the heat radiated from his chest onto mine and I wrapped my arms around his wide shoulders, determined to hold him to me if he pulled away again.  
I could feel my heart racing as he tangled his fingers into the back of my hair; unwillingly I let out a sigh and the hand on my waist crushed me forward against him so hard I thought I might break.   
When we pulled apart, my face was flushed as I looked up at him again. His shoulders rose and fell as, like me, he steadied his breathing.   
I smiled a small smile up at him and then I felt my heart sink as I watched his face cloud over.  
He walked away from me and stopped at the other side of the mat; he turned back but kept his eyes firmly away from mine.  
“Amelia… we… you should go” He frowns hard at the ground before him.  
“Eric-“ I start as I step toward him, he holds the palm of his hand up and I stop.  
“I thought I could do this” he says quietly, mainly to himself, “Just train you and get you through initiation… “  
He runs his hand through his hair as he paces the edge of the mat. He turns to me with tense, storm-cloud eyes.  
“I’m your instructor Amelia. Fuck, I’m your instructors’ instructor!”   
I almost cringe away from the harshness of his tone.  
“Eric” I whisper, but he looks away again.  
I just want to know what he’s thinking right now; his expression strained as if his mind is torturing him. I want to break him out of it and put my arms around his shoulders again, tell him how I’d never forgotten how I felt about him, after all this time.  
But as his face switched from pained to enraged and back again, I kept my mouth firmly shut.  
“Go back to your dorms” He finally mumbles.  
I still can’t bring myself to make a move; he glares at me.  
“I said now, initiate!” Acid dripped from his voice  
This time I couldn’t help but flinch.   
My heartbeat echoed through my ears as without breaking my gaze from his stare, I gathered my jacket and stormed out of the training room; I didn’t look back once and slammed the heavy door behind me.  
It was too early to go to the cafeteria and too late to go back to the dorms; I shoved my jacket on and made my way across the Pit in the direction of the roof.  
I stepped out onto the rooftop, the hinges of the rusty maintenance door screaming shut behind me. The sun was just beginning to cast its pale mauve glow over the top of the fence and I filled my lungs with the fresh morning air, trying to focus on calming down.  
I still felt angry; angry at Eric’s reaction, angry that his moods could switch so fast it made me dizzy. But most of all I felt the wrenching pain of rejection.  
Every time he’d kissed me, I’d watched his face transform into blankness; it was like every time I thought we were gaining some ground he turned to stone right before my eyes and in my hands.  
The oncoming tears I’d been holding back since Eric had sent me from the training room returned to sting at my eyes. I slumped down on the building ledge and let them fall down my cheeks.  
I sat that way until the sun itself climbed over the wall of the fence.  
That afternoon we had firearms training, so I knew I wouldn’t even get to see him again that day. The lesson passed by in a blur without a single one of my bullets hitting the target in front of me.  
Four noticed of course, his brows knit together in concern but thankfully he let me be and busied himself with the other initiates.  
That night I lay awake, Eric still forefront of my mind as I worried about what tomorrow would bring and if for the first time, he wouldn’t be waiting for me.


	15. Ashes to Ashes

Even though it was only the third day, my brain had started to get used to being awake at Eric’s time.  
I dressed in silence and made my way down the corridors to the training room; the journey now all too familiar under the early morning darkness. I had to force the worry away about what Eric‘s reaction would be and exactly how it would affect our future sessions.  
I shudder the thoughts away as I reach the training rooms’ closed double door, I place my hand on the handle and take a deep breath right before I push into the empty cavernous space.  
He’s not there. The training equipment sits neatly on its shelf the same as it had the night before and the mat was still uncovered.  
I feel my shoulders drop; but whether it’s from relief or disappointment I cannot say.  
I switch on the lights and sit down on the edge of the sparring mat; hoping for the second time in my life that today might just be the very first time Eric Stanton was late.  
I waited until the pale golden sunlight started to peek through the high rectangle windows of the room; but he never came.  
It hurt; knowing that twenty-four hours ago he’d had so much faith in me, he’d believed in me so much that the walls that he had spent so long building had fallen for just a moment and he’d kissed me.  
It was in that moment that I’d never felt so sure about everything. Sure that I had what it took to make it here and sure that I’d found my old Eric again.  
I took my time walking to the cafeteria where my hurting transformed into determination. I was going to do this; I was going to prove to him and everyone else that I could be strong.   
I was suddenly eager for my fight with Jarrod today, I was going to win this; and I hope Eric was there to see that I didn’t need his help to do it.  
Four was waiting for us when we arrived in the training room and I was thankful that he called Jarrod and I up first before my newfound confidence could wane.  
I stepped up onto the mat staring determinedly at Jarrod as he stood in front of me; he gave me his usual leer as we took up our positions.  
“Eric’s not here to save you this time” he hissed and I glare at him.  
As if on cue, Eric marched into the room, letting the door slam behind him. Without a word he stood beside four and crossed his arms almost irritably.  
“When you’re ready” Four called.  
I wasn’t even going to give Jarrod a chance to think, I slammed my fist directly into his nose and I can feel it crunch.  
Jarrod almost whimpers as he falters back, his hand instinctively lifts to his face.  
I gave him exactly as much time to recover as I thought he deserves; which is none; I reach out and grab his shirt front using his –now unsteady- balance to pull him forward hard into my knee.  
He groans again and spits muffled curses at me. My fist still tangled into his t-shirt I meet his eyes for a split second, blood pours down his face from my first blow to his nose and the look he’s giving me is lethal. He flails one fist out but his rage affects his aim and he hits the air beside me.  
I make sure I smile at him before my own fist connects with his cheekbone and he goes down.  
I release my grip on him and I hear his body hit the mat with a thud. He’s still swearing at me as I step backwards. I could have knocked him out right then, we could have had a Jarrod-free night or two in the dorms if I’d sent him to the infirmary; but I didn’t; he was defeated and I wouldn’t bring myself to his level.  
“Well done Amy” Four turns to me, his eyebrows raised impressed. Eric, stone faced, beside him makes eye contact for a split second before he promptly shifts his gaze right past me and back to the ring.  
“Amity, help him up. Before he bleeds all over my mat” he says coldly and he stalks back out of the training room.  
The sharp pain of the hurt rears its head again as I watch him leave but I won’t let it, I’ve just defeated the third highest ranking initiate AND got to beat up Jarrod.  
I sat down beside an overjoyed Nellie and allowed myself to properly smile for the first time in weeks.  
As we left training, Mitch bounced around beside me still excited about Jarrod’s defeat and enthusiastically re-enacting the fight back to me.  
“And you were like BAM! And he was like uuughhhr!” He laughed as he punched the air.   
Nellie and I both giggled. It felt so good to have friends as proud of me as I was right now.  
“Hey Mitch?” I ask. He pauses mid Jarrod shirt-grip to look at me.  
“Want to go get tattoos?”   
He and Nellie share a surprised expression.  
“That was a very non-Amy-doll question…” Mitch looks concerned before his smile stretches to each side of his face.  
“But I love it! Let’s go ladies!” he grabs Nellie and I under each arm and practically drags us back toward the Pit.  
The tattoo shop looks the same as it did the last time I was there, its ethereal lighting illuminated the dark space; the shop almost looked empty until the huge, bearded tattooist that had inked Mitch last time, steps out of one of the side rooms.  
“Hey man” he nods at Mitch, “What can I do for you guys today?”  
Just as I go to open my mouth, Mitch puts a hand on my shoulder.  
“Amy here would like a tattoo today” he grins, ‘She’s a virgin”  
I look at him horrified but the burly tattooist just smiles.  
“A virgin eh? Think you’ll handle the pain of your first tattoo?”  
Ah, he meant a tattoo virgin.  
“I think I’ll be okay” I try to sound as cool as possible.  
“I think H is free” he grins almost conspiratorially to Mitch, “He’s usually a hit with the virgins!”  
The two of them share a laugh and I start to panic that my spontaneous decision might have been a bad one.  
My friend leave me in the care of the burly tattoo artist, whose name I learnt was Li, and told me they’d catch up with me after.  
Li led me toward one of the booths at the far end of the shop; he knocked once and peered inside.  
“H, you got a client!” he called; I moved to stand beside him in the doorway.  
The booths were better lit than the rest of the parlour, a long adjustable chair like the ones from our Aptitude test took up the centre of the room.  
There was a man hunched over a desk at the opposite wall, sketching furiously in a large bound sketch book.  
“Virgin too” Li chuckled.  
The man, H, spun around on his office chair and his eyes met mine behind bold, black framed glasses. He stands up inelegantly and crosses the room towards us.  
“Hello” he says almost shyly, putting his pencil behind his ear, his eyes not leaving mine once.  
I’d seen plenty of tattooed people since I’d been here in Dauntless, but this guy probably topped all of them. He wore tight blue jeans and an oversized black t-shirt that hung from his slender frame, every exposed bit of skin was alive with bold coloured tattoos. All over his arms, throat and hands, even his ankles where the rolled cuff of his jeans met his laced shoes were alive with the intricate pictures.  
“Hi” I reply quietly finding myself staring at the tiny anchor inked over his temple.  
“I’ll leave you guys to it” Li claps his hands together and starts to walk away. “Behave!”  
We stand staring at each other for a moment longer until H finally clears his throat and gestures to the chair.  
‘Uh have a seat!”   
I perch on the edge of the chair and he pulls his office chair closer and faces me.  
“I’m Harley by the way” he says.  
“Amy” I say, I can feel my cheeks warm.  
“Amy” he smiles almost distractedly, “Pretty name; by birth or by choice?”  
“Choice” I must be glowing red by now, Harley is ridiculously attractive; he leans toward me and I can see the gold flecked through his green eyes.  
“Short for Amelia, yes?”  
I nod.  
“Even prettier. So Amy, what are we doing today?” he retrieves the pencil from behind his ear and pushes his hair back from his face; his hair is ink black, the sides clipped so short you can see the skin through it, especially the side where a large rose is tattooed above his ear; the top is left long, kind of like Eric’s, but with none of the meticulous taming and strong hold product that he uses. I push the thought of Eric from my mind.  
“I have no idea, I just think that I need something, you know? To signify my initiation”  
Harley nods, the smile never waning from his lips.  
“Well then, I’m honoured to be the one to do it!” he reaches over to his desk and picks up his beaten up sketchbook. As he’s about to turn to a blank page, I catch a glimpse of the last drawing he did, a beautiful black and grey lion.  
“Let’s brainstorm” he pushed his glasses up his nose and poises his pencil over the paper.  
“You’re a transfer right?”  
“Is it that obvious?” I laugh.  
“Not in that way” He grins, “Most Dauntless kids start getting tattooed at fifteen; it’s the virgin skin that gives it away”  
I blush again.  
“Then yes, I’m from Erudite”  
“I had a feeling” His eyes are back on the page, “call it artists’ intuition. So are you wanting to link in some sort of symbol from your old faction? A lot of initiates do”  
“No, I don’t think so, I’m here now aren’t i?” I joke.  
He smiles at me but with some kind of underlying sympathy.  
“Would you pick something for me? Something that says ‘I’m here and I’m trying’?”  
He chuckles, his pencil already beginning to dart across the page.  
“That’s funny, that was my motto during initiation too” he jests.  
“Did you transfer as well?” I ask wanting to keep the conversation flowing.  
“Nah, born here; Candor transfer parents though. During initiation it was always ‘Oh Harley, easy to beat but at least he’ll be honest about it’” he smiles as his eyes follow his sketch.  
I used the opportunity while he was distracted to really study his face. His hair fell in waves across his forehead as he worked, he had nice cheekbones and they tapered down towards his full lips.  
“What do you think of this?” he breaks me out of my day dreams as he flips the sketchbook around.  
His drawing is of a hand-sized bird in flight, its wings stretched majestically over its delicate head. But the most captivating part of the bird was that each of its feathers was tipped by a delicate lick of flame.  
I can almost feel my jaw hanging open.  
“They call it a Phoenix, and that when it dies in flames it’s always reborn from its own ashes… you hate it don’t you?”  
“Oh Harley, I love it!” I took the book from his hands so I could look more closely.  
“W- Really?” He grinned.  
“Absolutely!”  
“Great! I’ll stencil this up. Where were you thinking of getting it?” He takes his sketchbook back and rolls on his chair toward his desk.  
“I was thinking on my leg, like upper thigh”  
As soon as the words leave my mouth Harley drops his pencil.  
“Great!” he stammers and begins to trace up a stencil.  
I can’t help but smile. It felt so nice to spend time with a guy who actually seems interested in me; it was so different from Eric and I even back in the Erudite days where I knew we shared feelings for each other, but he seemed prefer the silent companionship, like every ounce of affection he’d show was some great achievement; with Harley conversation was easy and a little bit of me even enjoyed seeing him shy with me.  
Harley spins back in his chair again.  
“This is going to sound forward but you need to take off your pants” He holds the stencil up as an explanation.  
I laugh nervously.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll turn around” he smiles easily and takes his jacket from a hook beside his desk.  
“You can cover yourself in this if you like”  
I take the jacket from him and smile gratefully; then he turns around and stares at the wall.  
I undress around the boys in the dorms every day, but there was something about stripping my leggings off just metres behind Harley that made my face burn.  
I settled onto the chair and used his coat to cover my waist, the jacket was made of a soft charcoal material and it smelt faintly like cologne.  
“All good?” He calls over his shoulder.  
“Yep!” I check once more that I’m decently covered before he turns back around.  
“Alrighty” He pull his chair closer to mine, “Where are you thinking?”  
I point to the outer side of my thigh and he presses the stencil against it. When it finally got to the point where he held the tattoo gun he turned to me.  
“Now Amy this’ll feel a little bit like scratching, let me know if it gets too much, but I think you’ll be tough enough to deal with it” He smiles.  
I nod, still a little bit nervous; but if Harley had that many tattoos it couldn’t be that bad.  
“And if it does hurt too much I’ll have to take you out for a drink to apologise” he flashes me an almost cheeky smile as he starts the gun buzzing and begins to tattoo my leg.  
Harley was right; it did feel like scratching, but fifty times worse. But this was the new strong, confident Amy Garner, so I sat perfectly still while he etched my skin.  
About an hour later he pushes his chair back and tilts his head to examine his work.  
“All done!” he grins as he slides his gloves off. “Go take a look”  
My legs were weak from all the sitting and the numbing vibrations from the tattoo gun. I lifted myself from the chair and almost had to sway against his shoulder on my way to the floor length mirror.  
“Harley its perfect!” I turn my leg this way and that, soaking in the beauty of the vibrant reds and oranges swirling on my skin.  
“A beautiful tattoo for a beautiful girl” He steps behind me in the mirrors reflection and I beam at him.  
After he gave me the aftercare lecture and took my credits he walks me out to the front of the shop.  
“So I suppose I don’t get to buy you a drink now, seeing as you sat like a rock!” he laughs, nervously avoiding my eyes.  
I look at him and chew on my bottom lip; my mind unwillingly wandered to Eric. That kiss and the hope I couldn’t quite let go of; but I can’t wait for him anymore and he made it perfectly clear the other morning that he might not even be there to wait for.  
I smile at Harley and he finally meets my eye.  
“Saturday night?” I ask.  
He grins and I step out of the shop, even as I walk across the Pit, I can tell he’s leaning out the front doors watching me go.


	16. Visiting Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days, Go me!  
> Desperately trying to post more often, I just get into lazy/writersblock slumps sometimes.  
> Comments and suggestions and everything are golden. I love to read them and I love to know what you guys think and any opinions you have xx

Mitch and Nellie were still hanging out in the cafeteria when I walk in, a large piece of Dauntless cake between them as they each picked at it with a fork.  
I grabbed myself some of the remaining lasagne and sat down beside Nellie.  
“How was it? Show!” she twittered, her eyes scanning all of my exposed skin.  
“It’s on my leg, I’ll show you once we get back to the dorms” I smile.  
‘How did you like H?” Mitch smirks.  
I breathe a laugh in response and Mitch’s face lights up.  
“Knew you’d like him” He grins.  
“Who’s H?” Nellie pipes in.  
“The tattooist I saw, Harley”  
“Ooh first name basis! Make any further appointments?” Mitch wiggles his eyebrows.  
“A drink this Saturday” I say quickly and scoop lasagne into my mouth.  
Mitch looks overjoyed and Nellie’s jaw drops in astonishment; I relished in the feeling.  
I was still floating on that mood as we were walking back up to the dorms. It was only when I turned the next corner and saw Eric walking towards us, did it waver.  
He stared coldly straight ahead, his square shoulders pushed back and strong. As he passed by my side I couldn’t drag my eyes away from him and my breath escaped me as for a fleeting second as his eyes trailed down to find my own. His gaze expressionless; not exactly soft, but with none of the lethality of our last exchange.  
Then he was gone and I wasn’t going to let myself watch after him.  
The next day was our last training session before the weekend; I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Tomorrow morning we had Visiting day, which I planned to undoubtedly be spending alone, and then later that night I was going to meet Harley.  
The thought of watching him work and the delicate way he had wiped the ink from my skin almost distracted my aim during our handgun practice; but surprisingly I still managed to hit more targets than I ever had before.  
Four stood behind me for a while, impressed with my new personal best and probably even more impressed that I’d managed to shake off whatever had plagued me last time.  
When training was over Nellie came up to me.  
“What are you going to wear tomorrow night?” she asked.  
I thought about it for a moment; since I’d been here I’d really only accumulated black training clothes, as well as the scatterings of casual pieces. Nothing that really said ‘date’.  
“I hadn’t even thought of that” I groan.  
She shakes my shoulder.  
“We’ve still got an hour or two until dinner, let’s go shopping!”  
Soon we were standing in one of the clothing shops that stretched off of the Pit; racks and racks of mostly dark clothing lined the walls.  
“I wouldn’t even know where to start” I eye them anxiously.  
“I’m definitely thinking a dress” Nellie steps past me and starts shuffling garments down the nearest stand.  
“Can I help you ladies with anything?” A short, blonde, Dauntless woman steps out from behind a curtain of fabric. She smiles at us and the piercings in her cheeks pull taut to resemble dimples.  
“I need a nice dress” I say.  
“She’s got a date tomorrow” Nellie supplies helpfully.  
“Then you’re in the right place!” Blonde girl clasps her hands together and eyes me and the clothing.  
“Anything in particular?”  
“Umm” I start, I hadn’t even thought that far ahead yet.  
“How about I get you in one of the changing booths and I can bring you a few things” She smiles dimply again.  
I nod gratefully and follow her to the back of the store.  
I slip down to my underwear as she passes me through the first round of clothes. Nellie, who sits outside my curtain, oohs enthusiastically as the sales lady shows her what she’s selected.  
I pick up the first dress from the pile; it’s made from a stretchy black fabric and once I pull it over my body I see the thick panels of leather that skirt the sleeves. Its very form fitting and even though we wear skin tight training gear, I feel naked.  
“It’s a bit snug!” I laugh through the curtain.  
“Show us anyway!” Nellie calls and I pull the fabric door aside.  
Dimples oohs and gestures for me to turn around, obviously pleased with her choice; Nellie beside her looks enthusiastic too but I can tell the Abnegation in her is anxious about the tightness.  
“You definitely have the frame for it!” Dimples nods approvingly, “try the next one”  
I squeeze myself out of the first dress and pull the second off of its hanger. This one at least looks like it’s composed of more material, it’s softer too. I pull it on and turn to the mirror.   
This one has short sleeves and a dainty neckline, it was fitted to the waist where it then flared out in folds of fabric; it was also unseasonably short. I pulled the curtain open again and showed my audience.  
“I like that one” Nellie nods.  
“I’m worried I’ll freeze” I laugh at the sales assistant. She nods in agreement.  
“That’s why I picked out the last one” She smiles and ushers me back into the changing booth.  
The last dress on the hanger is made of heavy, dark charcoal lace; it sits slightly longer on the hook than the others had. I wish myself luck and put it on.  
I like this one. Its lace sleeves come to my elbow and the top part of it sits comfortably tight to my skin; the skirt doesn’t flare but it hangs loose from my hips down to the back of my knees. Completely demure save for the one daring split in the skirt, which ends a few inches below my underwear.  
I turn around a bit in the mirror, liking the way it hugs my waist.  
“The suspense is killing me Amy!” I hear Nellie squeak and I pull the curtain open again.  
Both of their eyes widen as I step out, smoothing the fabric down self-consciously.  
“What do you think?”  
“Perfect” Dimples sighs.  
“I really love it!” Nellie grins, “you HAVE to get that one!”  
I laugh and take one last look at myself in the mirrors reflection.   
The new, strong, confident Amy Garner. I smile to myself as I pull the curtain closed one last time.  
When we leave the store, Nellie helps carry my bags; all I’d thought I’d need was a dress but Nell insisted on new shoes and pins for my hair. We headed to the cafeteria both alive with excitement.  
Mitch had saved us both seats and Nellie regaled our entire shopping adventure to him, though Mitch had no idea about half of the dress styles that she explained in great detail, he still focussed his full attention on her and laughed when he felt he was supposed to. It was really cute to see them be a couple and not just two initiates. I also felt myself longing for something similar.  
The next morning, I had to force myself back to sleep when I inevitably woke up on Eric’s time. I wondered how long it would take to train my sleep cycle back to everyone else’s.  
It was the commotion in the dorm that stirred me for the second time. All around me the initiates darted around like bees preparing for their Visiting families.  
Mia walked past me and smiled, her hair already in a neat braid down the centre of her back; Viv looked the most feminine I’d ever seen her, her hair let loose from her ponytail and it draped across her shoulders. I even saw Jarrod combing his hair.  
Just as I stood up, Nellie swooped down on me.  
“Get ready Amy!” she trilled. “Families will be here in half an hour!”  
I nodded as enthusiastically as I could and she twirled off to the bathrooms.  
I wouldn’t see my parents today; I could almost picture them back in my old house; sitting around like any other normal day, my mother might be cleaning and I could almost guarantee dad would be reading the newsletter over a cup of coffee; and behind all that, an invitation for Visiting day lying deep in the bottom of the trash, a reminder to them that their one and only daughter had abandoned them.  
It sent a stab of guilt through my heart and I pulled some clothes out of my trunk.  
I decided on a pair of leggings and an oversized black sweater; all I’d probably do today was going down to breakfast and relax up here in the dorms. I might even get some knife throwing practice in.  
Nell and I walked down to the cafeteria where all the visiting families would meet us; she had twisted her hair into the neat and polished bun that I hadn’t seen since she ran beside me after the Choosing ceremony, excitement radiated off her.  
The cafeteria was alive, a few initiates already seated beside a parent or two. Nellie and I grabbed some light breakfast and sat down at an empty place, her eyes practically fixed to both the cafeteria door and the clock.  
“You have to meet my parents Amy, they’ll just love you!” Nellie bounces, “What do your parents do?”  
“Lab technicians” I say shortly.  
“Ooh there they are!” Nellie jumps to her feet and runs toward a pair of grey-clad figures. I look over my shoulder and see a middle aged man and woman, both with severe neat hairstyles; they smile warmly at their daughter but the most physical affection they show is a pat on the shoulder.  
Nellies head moved animatedly as she talks and then suddenly she’s pointing back at me and leads her parents over to our table.  
“Amy, I’d like you to meet my mom and dad; this is Amy, my first and best friend here” Nellie smiles and I stand up.  
“Pleasure to meet you Amy” Nellies father smiles and extends his hand to shake; I take it and smile politely back at them.  
“The pleasures all mine Sir”  
Nell’s mother clasps my hand in hers for a second.  
“Thank you for being there for Nellie, we worried so much for her but we’re glad she has some good friends”   
“Thank you” I smile again. Nellie gestures for her parents to sit down around us.  
“Actually Nellie, I might just give you guys some family time” I try to sound as convincing as possible, “I’ll just be waiting over there for my parents”  
Nellie grins, clearly buying my excuse and is straight back to fast talking with her family.  
I keep my pace casual until I get to the cafeteria doors. No sign of my own parents; but really, what did I expect? I pushed out the doors and walked up the corridor.  
Nothing drove the guilt back more than seeing all of my friends and fellow initiates greeting their families. I walked without purpose for a while until I realized I was close to the training room; I may as well get to that throwing practice now, hopefully it would keep my mind off of the rejection.  
The training hall was empty and quiet; I walked toward the target wall and pulled out a box of throwing knives from the cupboard beside it.  
Maybe it was for the best that my parents didn’t come; I mean, any reminder of home might break down the walls of the new and improved Amy.   
I picked up my first knife and flicked it toward the target, third ring from bulls-eye, not bad.  
I pick up my next one and it lands inches closer from the first. I put all of my focus on my stance and arm strength; and before I know it the knife box is empty.  
I sigh and go to collect them from the plywood.  
As I set myself up for the next round; the door of the training room slams shut and startles me so much that I jump and nearly drop the blade in my hand.  
I turn around; the only thing that could have made this day fuller of painful emotions was the sight of Eric coming through that door. And there he was.  
“What are you doing here?” He’s frowning as he reaches my side.  
“I just thought I’d get some extra practice in, you know, while I have the time”  
“Why aren’t you downstairs with the rest of the initiates?” His frown never wavers.  
“What’s the point?” I sigh.  
“Well, there are two people down there who really want to see you”  
I look at him frown; his gaze is less harsh now.  
“I recognized them and… I went to look for you” His eyes cast downwards away from my own.  
“My parents are here?”   
He nods.  
I can’t keep the grin off my face, I dash the knife box back in the cupboard and turn to Eric one more time.  
“Thank you” I say quietly, my fingers graze his arm on their own accord.  
He nods sharply, still avoiding my gaze, although I feel his arm muscles tense under my touch.  
I’m halfway out the door when he turns back.  
“Amelia!” he calls, I glance over my shoulder; Eric looks forlorn,   
“I’m so sorry”   
It sounded like a whisper from that far across the room. I stared at him for a moment longer before I stepped out into the corridor and left him standing alone.


	17. Family

The walk back to the cafeteria felt so much longer than the walk away from it.  
My parents are here; my brain kept repeating; they don’t resent me.  
I darted into the hall; it was my dad’s wheaten hair that caught my attention. He and my mother stood in the far corner, scanning the room with their anxious eyes.  
I was halfway toward them when they finally saw me; my mother choked out a sob and I could tell my dad was blinking back tears as I ran to their arms.  
“Amy! Oh my god Amy!” Mom squeezed me so hard I could almost hear the air escape from my lungs.  
“Let me look at you!” Dad held me at arm’s length and examined me.  
“You look different, sweetheart”  
“Are they feeding you properly?” my mother’s concerned face drew closer.  
“I missed you guys so much” I finally stammer, determined to keep my own emotional tears at bay.  
We sat at the end of an empty table while they berated me with questions.  
“How’s your initiation going?”  
“Are people nice to you?”  
“Do you have lots of friends?”  
I answered in the best possible light. Nellie and her parents walked past our table on their way out to the Pit.  
“Nell!” I called and waved her over.  
She dragged her parents toward us and beamed at my parents.  
“Mom, Dad, this is Nellie” she warmly shook both my parents hands and introduced them to her own mother and father; I hoped desperately no one noticed the shocking subtlety as my dad eyes their grey clothing.  
“We’re about to tour the complex, would you like to join us?” Nellies mother asks softly.  
We accept and as a group, we walk out into the Pit.  
Nellie does most of the tour-guiding, the pride practically bristling off of her.  
My mother seems unsure about the safety surrounding the narrow pathways that stretch high above the Pit but she holds her tongue.  
On our way to show them the dorms, we pass by the training room.  
There are a few families milling around inside, I spot Viv and her scarlet-clad parents, both with hair as long as my own, by the fighting mannequin; as well as Cole proudly showing his enormously-built, grey haired father his position at the top of the ranking board.  
Behind everything, just on the outskirts of the target line, stands Eric; looking tall and brooding while he keeps a watchful eye over the proceedings.  
I try to direct my parents to the far side of the room but Nellies father seems captivated by one of the initiates demonstrating how to throw knives and he leads them right toward Eric.  
I just pray that Eric doesn’t come any closer or say anything; but then again, I’d forgotten who I had with me.  
“Eric? Eric Stanton?” My dad pushes his glasses up his nose and steps around Nellie to get a better look.  
Eric’s head snaps up and his expression gives away that he never intended to run into anyone from his past.  
“Mr Garner” He says politely.  
“Please, you’re an independent now, you can call me Robert. Julie!”  
Oh god.  
“Julie! It’s the Stanton boy who used to live next door!”  
My mother flashes me a look and leads me over to them.  
“How nice to see you Eric! I did wonder where you’d gotten to” My mother smiles at him as if he was still the five year old over the neighbouring fence.  
“Likewise Mrs Garner”  
“Gee Eric, you sure got-“ My dad mimes a bodybuilder pose and my face flushes from the embarrassment.  
Eric responds with a throaty chuckle.  
“Thank you Robert”  
“So what do you do here?” My mother asks.  
“I’m the newest recruited leader, so I still spend a bit of time back at Erudite; the rest I’m here supervising the instructors that train the initiates”  
“So you of all people could give us the best information about Amy’s performance; how’s she doing Eric?” My mother asks and I blanch.  
“Your daughter is exceptional, Mrs Garner”  
His eyes rest on me for a moment and I hope to god my face doesn’t give away what I’m thinking right now.  
“Take a look for yourself” Eric gestures toward the rankings board; the results from my fight with Jarrod had been taken and my name sat boldly beside the three.  
My parents’ eyes widen when they see it.  
“Wow, third out of sixteen” My father nods impressed, “You must have excellent teachers Amy”  
Luckily, before anything could get more awkward, the initiate showing his parents his knife throwing skills did something stupid and Eric had to excuse himself to lay down some (hopefully) parent-friendly scolding.  
Our next stop was up at the dorms. Both sets of parents did an anxious double-take of the bathroom situation.  
Just as I pointed out my bunk, Mitch appeared beside us.  
“Hello!” he shook both my parents hands animatedly, “I’m Mitch – or ‘Amity’ depending on how much trouble I’m in! I’m Amy-doll’s bunk-neighbour and, as I’m sure she’s already mentioned, her equally best friend in the world”  
“Oh, this is the boys dorms too?” my mother frowns at me.  
I start to open my mouth but Mitch jumps in.  
“It’s sort of a mixed situation, she’s got me to look after her!” he laughs and then hurriedly adds, “But don’t worry, my heart belongs to Nellie… just… don’t tell her parents that”  
He laughs nervously and my parents look like they’re desperately trying to think of something to respond with.  
“But seriously, we all look after Amy here; there’s me and Nell, our excellent instructor Four, and hopefully after tonight a new ma-“  
Mitch’s sentence cuts off with and ‘oompf’, as I hand my boot heavily on his toes.  
“Thanks Mitch! But we’d better be pressing on!” I smile but I’m shooting daggers at him with my eyes.  
I lead them around the rest of the compound before we finally end up back at the cafeteria for lunch. Dad pokes nervously at a piece of chocolate cake in front of him and my mother turns to me.  
“We missed you so much Amy”  
“I missed you both to, and I’m sorry” I cast my eyes downward, “I’m so sorry that I left you”  
My mother lifts my chin up with her gentle fingers.  
“You don’t have to be sorry Amy, it was a shock absolutely and we were very sad; but you followed your heart”  
“You are happy here aren’t you sweetheart?” My dad asks with a small smile.  
I nod and feel the tears prickle at my eyes.  
“Then that’s all we ever wanted for you” mom smiles, “You could be picking apples in Amity by now and we’d still be just as proud of you as we are now; whether you’re third or thirteenth!”  
That almost freed my tears.  
Saying goodbye to my parents at the end of visiting day was harder than it had been on the day I’d transferred; mainly because this time I actually had to say it, sever our ties to their faces.  
There was a lot of hugging and muffled sobs, and by the time I watched their backs as they walked out of the compound, I was emotionally wrecked.  
I walked myself up toward the dorm, planning on a lie down to clear my head and to hopefully mentally prepare myself for tonight.  
It was just as I was passing the instructors private gym, that the door swung open and I ran right into a sweaty shoulder.   
I knew who it would be before I even had to look up.  
Eric.  
How could it be that in a compound of hundreds of Dauntless, I always had to run into him?  
His hands shot out to steady me as I rebounded off of him.  
I mumbled an apology and we just sort of hovered there for a moment, I kept my gaze down.  
“I see you still haven’t grown out of walking into me all the time” I can hear a smile in his tone.  
I manage to look up at him, the skin exposed by his tight sleeveless shirt shines with sweat and a towel sits around the back of his neck.  
“Also, good job with Jarrod yesterday” he looks down at me almost fondly, “You deserve third”  
“Thank you” I force a smile, “And thank you for being so nice to my parents today”  
The corner of his mouth turns up.   
“No problem, they’re good people”  
We stare at each other for a moment more before I nod a goodbye and start to walk away.  
“Amelia” he murmurs, and I turn back to him.  
“I meant it when I said I was sorry. If you ever want to talk… well, I’m sure you’ll walk into me again”  
I can’t help but smile back at him as my heart does a tiny flip, then I keep going up the corridor before I can say anything stupid.  
I manage to get a good hour of rest before Nellie and Mitch return to the dorms.  
“There you are!” Nellie sighs as she perches beside me on the bunk, “Have fun today?”  
“Absolutely” I was unable to keep myself from grinning.  
“I’m going to have a shower” Mitch announces and pecks Nellie on the cheek, “And I know this is hard, but keep your eyes front, ladies!”  
We laugh and he disappears into the bathroom.  
“Your parents were lovely! I didn’t know they knew Eric”  
I sit up; I didn’t know how I was going to explain this without linking us too close together.  
“Yeah, he used to live next door to us” I say indifferently.  
“Wow, what was he like as a kid? I bet he was still just as terrifying” she giggles and all I can think about is how he used to stare straight ahead on the train with his pile of books resting on his knees.  
“Something like that” I smile to myself.  
“What time are you meeting Harley?” Nellie grins mischievously.  
“I have no idea” I frown, we’d never planned further than ‘Saturday night’  
Nellie pulls a worried face.  
“Well you’d better just get ready early that way no matter what happens you’ll be prepared!”  
We were a few minutes into discussing what I should do with my hair when Viv approaches our huddle on the bunk, a confused expression on her face.  
“Uh Amy, there’s a guy outside who’s looking for you?”  
I sat up even straighter, my brows creased together.  
“Who is it?” Nellie asks.  
Viv shrugs, “I don’t know, uh tall, skinny, loads of tattoos… and glasses”  
I turn back to Nellie anxiously.  
“Harley”  
“Then go!” she urges, grinning from ear to ear.  
As I walk to the door, I try my hardest to tame my sleep-flattened hair; I take a deep breath before I step out in the corridor.  
He leans against the wall beside the doorframe and when he sees me, he stands up straighter and grins.  
“Hi” I laugh.  
“Hey”  
He wears a black t-shirt with the tattoo parlours logo on the front; it only emphasized how slender he was. He runs a hand nervously through his hair.  
“Sooo, this is really uncool of me and if you want lie about why I’m here that would be totally fine…” His words come out so fast they almost blur together,  
“But what time… would suit you tonight? - if you still want to go, I mean” He chuckles bashfully.  
“Of course!” I laugh and he seems to relax.  
“Well I knock off at seven, so maybe seven-thirty? Give me a chance to get the ink off my hands” He holds up both of his ink stained hands as proof.  
“Sounds perfect” I say and he smiles; a real honest-to-god smile. I hadn’t gotten a smile from a boy like that in a long time.  
“I’ll see you then, Amy” he gives a small little wave and heads off down the hallway.  
When I close the door and turn around, Nellie and Viv are both craning their necks toward me.  
“Wow” Viv sighs as I sit back down on the bunk.  
“No wonder you bought such a nice dress!” Nellie giggles.  
I know I’m blushing and I can’t keep the smile off my face.  
It’s almost painful waiting until seven o’clock rolls around, too nervous to be hungry, I sit in front of Nellie while she expertly pins my hair into delicate twists at the back of my head.  
“Nervous?” she asks.  
“Absolutely” I say.  
“You shouldn’t be! You’re beautiful Amy, inside and out. Harley would be a total idiot to not see that”  
“Aww Nell!” I laugh and she pulls me in for a hug.  
It’s seven-thirty on the dot when Viv (seemingly taking on the responsibility) informs me that my caller is at the door again. I’d put on my new clothes, feeling self-consciously overdressed in the dormitory setting.  
“Good luck!” Nellie squeaks from under Mitch’s arm.  
“Knock’m dead Amy-doll” Mitch gives me the thumbs up.  
I step outside and there he is; he wore a long-sleeved black shirt that buttoned up to his throat, the tattoos that peeked out from under his collar and cuffs giving the whole look an almost edgy effect. I noticed he’d tried to wrangle his hair, but it still looked completely determined to do its own thing.   
His grin quickly turned to open-mouth shock when he took in my dress and fancy hair.  
I wasn’t even out of the dorm yet and I was already blushing scarlet.  
“Amy, you look beautiful” He smiles and my cheeks discover another shade of red.  
“You don’t look too bad yourself”  
“I scrub up alright hey? My secret is to have a shower, brilliant huh?” he winks.  
“Shall we?” he holds an elbow out to me like an old fashioned gentleman; I laugh and loop my hand through it. Together we make our way down to the Pit.


	18. The Day The Walls Fell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was away for so long and I'm so sorry!  
> This is for all the patient people out there :)  
> let me know what you guys think! Feedback, questions, ideas, just anything! I love to hear back from the people who take the time to read my stuff xx

The Pit was always buzzing with energy on Saturday nights, and tonight was no exception; Harley and I weaved our way through the throng of rowdy Dauntless and into the tavern.  
We half circle around the bar before finding a vacant two-seater table, almost immediately a long, blonde haired waiter was upon us.  
“Sup H” he nodded and his eyes scanned me, “Who’s your friend?”  
“Hey Arch, this is Amy; Amy, Archer” Harley smiles, “Archer here is by far my fussiest client”  
Archer rolls his eyes and punches Harley’s shoulder, “So what can I get you guys? Two of the usual?”  
“I think Amy’s way above my cheap whiskey standards” Harley laughs.  
“Something that’s actually nice?” Archer turns to me.  
“Uh yeah that definitely sounds better than the whiskey” I smile.  
“In that case, better make that two” Harley laughs. Archer mock salutes and saunters off back to the bar.  
Alone again with Harley I feel the shyness sink back in.  
“I like that your skirt shows off your tattoo” Harley smiles shyly as he leans toward me; his scrunched eyebrows all business as he examines my almost-healed phoenix.  
“How’s it healing?”  
“Fine” I say, probably too quickly; I pull on the side of my skirt split so he can get a better look.  
“It’s itchy as hell though”  
“Perfect!” He grins.  
“So Amy, tell me more about yourself. Who is this mysterious Amy-come-Amelia that wandered into my shop?” he braces his elbows on the table and looks at me intently.  
I feel my cheeks flame up but I’m determined for him to see my new confident persona and not the timid, awkward Erudite transfer I used to be.  
“There’s not really that much to it” I shrug casually, “Born in Erudite, only child, never had the best of grades…”  
“Me too!” Harley laughs ‘Well, except for the Erudite bit… other than that, look at us with all our similarities!”  
“So no brothers or sisters?” I ask, trying to steer the conversation in his direction.  
“Not one; though I always enjoyed being by myself, which was good because I didn’t have many friends” He frowns thoughtfully before he shakes it off with a grin, “Dauntless kids aren’t exactly the friendliest to the first kid of faction-transfer parents; though I do get some satisfaction about the large amount of their credits I get to take from them now that I’m their tattoo artist. But enough about my miserable little childhood…”  
He breaks away as Archer returns with our drinks, stout little glasses filled with auburn liquid; I take a tentative sip but all I can taste is oranges.  
Harley sees my approval of the drink and laughs.  
“Good huh? But no more than two though! A third would probably constitute ‘Initiate Abuse’ and I feel like Four would kick my arse if you were still hung-over on Monday”  
I wasn’t too familiar with the concept of being ‘hung-over’, though I do attribute it to the dreary, sick looking, blood-shot eyed state Eric had been in the morning after I’d accidentally fallen asleep on his sofa.  
“So how is your initiation going? Has the phoenix done its job yet?”  
“I think so” I try to sound confident and sure, “My ranking moved up the day after, so I think that’s a good enough sign”  
“Where’re you ranked?” Harley sips from his glass.  
“Third” I say.  
Harley suddenly sputters; his drink almost coming back out again.  
“Third? Like out of a full class?! Amy you could kick MY ARSE! I only came tenth!”  
I laughed “It’s only luck”  
He snorts, “ten to six is luck, top five is talent! I had no idea you were such a bad-ass!”  
I roll my eyes and join in with his laughter.  
Harley pitches into a story about one of the worst tattoos he’s had to do; I listen enough and nod and laugh when I’m supposed to but my real focus is watching him.  
The way he can’t not use his hand gestures alongside his words and the way his eyes are more alive than ever when he talks about something he’s passionate about. It sort of softened all the edges off of his tough-guy, fully tattooed exterior.  
I was so transfixed that it was amazing that I even noticed at all the figure that walked up beside him towards us.  
I had to hand it to Lady Fate, who was ever determined for us to cross paths, and tonight was no exception.  
Eric eyes were fixed on me as he stopped short on his way to the bar. His expression was unreadable, even as I watched him take in Harley across from me.  
I ducked my gaze back but Harley had already spotted him.  
“Alright Eric?” He smiled warmly “How’s that forearm treating you?”  
I could see the conflict in Eric eyes as he resignedly approached our table.  
“Fine H” He replied in his usual curt tone.  
“I have you in for Tuesday night for four hours for a calf piece? Pretty decent. Oh, Eric this is Amy, Amy-“  
“We’ve met” Eric flicks his blank gaze back toward me.  
I should probably have tried harder to feign my coolness, but even I can tell Harley notices the silent exchange of stares between us; Eric’s cold and almost rueful, mine five shades of guilty.  
“I’ll leave you guys to it” Eric mumbles and stalks away from us.  
I compose myself and Harley clears his throat.  
“A perfect example of the ‘top five ranking rule’” Harley gives a faint chuckle, “Used to beat me mercilessly and now he contributes heavily to my rent!”  
We manage to swing the mood of the conversation back to normal but the smallest niggling of discomfort in the back of my mind remained.  
We sit at the same table and talk for a long time, laughing with each other; I found we even felt comfortable enough to share some things that we wouldn’t tell anyone else. I told Harley about my overwhelming feeling of failure during the first few weeks of initiation; and he told me about his father’s death when he was eleven.  
He even ordered us another round of drinks as the tavern started to empty out, though he maintained his decision to cut me off after two of them.  
It was actually quite late when we left the bar. My legs felt almost tingly as we walked outside and I had to hold his arm to ensure my walking line stayed steady; I was secretly grateful of his drink limit.  
The walk back to the dorms was over too quickly and soon enough we stopped at the door.  
“So you should swing by the shop sometime; you don’t have to get tattooed, just to hang out. If it wasn’t for your training, I’d schedule out my whole day just to spend time with you” He smirked, “You wouldn’t even have to pay my rent!”  
I laughed and his hand slid up to my cheek.  
“Thank you for letting me convince you into having that drink”  
“Two drinks” I reminded him.  
“Well, you’re twice as beautiful” His voice was soft; it had none of the growl or the coldness I had come to be familiar with.  
“Amy-“  
I cut him off as I leant into him, my lips meeting his.  
Harley exhaled sharply in surprise as I wound my hand around the back of his neck. He was warm, his close-cropped hair soft like velvet beneath my fingers.  
He pulled his head back and for a moment I was shocked, panicking for a split second that I never expected to feel rejection with him, but all he did was smile at me before meeting my lips again. His hand on my cheek was soft as well, there was no firmness or rough callouses; only delicate long fingers. Artists hands, I decided, so different from that of the warriors’.  
When we pulled apart again, his hand slipped down into mine.  
“Did I mention that you look breathtaking tonight?”  
I blushed and he squeezedmy hand.  
“Goodnight Amy” he nodded with a small smile before he turned and walked back down the corridor.  
I took a moment to watch his receding figure as I tried to lower my heart rate; that and I wanted to somehow wipe the grin off my face before I went inside.  
All the other initiates were asleep so as silently as I could, I pulled all the pins out of my hair and slipped into my sleep-shirt. It was the first night in a very long time that I smiled myself to sleep.  
The next morning, Nellie and Mitch cornered me in line at the cafeteria.  
“Hurry up and get your breakfast” Nellie barked.  
“Yeah, we need details!” Mitch grinned.  
I took my time selecting my toast and pouring a mug of coffee before I sat down across from my two friends. They stared at me expectantly and I had a feeling that this would be an interrogation.  
“Spill” Nellie demanded, leaning forward.  
I shrug, “It was nice; we went to the tavern”  
“More information than that” She rolls her eyes and I almost laugh.  
“Really. We went there, had a couple of drinks, we talked for a couple of hours and then he walked me back to the dorms!!”  
Nellie lets out an exasperated groan and Mitch puts an arm over her shoulders.  
“Nellie-girl, Amy might just be the type of lady who doesn’t kiss and tell” His eyes fix back on me, “But there will be a second date yes?”  
“I think so” I blush and my friends share overjoyed smiles.  
After breakfast, Mitch decides that the weather outside is so nice that we must spend a good part of it up on the rooftop. I tell them I’ll meet them upstairs as I head back toward the dormitories to drop off my unnecessary jacket.  
I’d almost made it to the western-end staircase when a boy approaches me; he must be a year or so older with long dark hair gathered into a ponytail at the nape of his neck; he eyes me uncertainly.  
“Are you Amy?”  
“Yeah?”  
Ponytail boy straightens up, “Eric would like to see you in his office”  
“Eric? Office?” I stammer, the sentence was so unexpected that I didn’t even understand it.  
“Yes” Ponytail looks at me incredulously, “Eric’s office. Now”  
I follow him back down the hallway, still confused. Eric has an office? My Eric? What does he need an office for? And why is he sending out messengers to track me down and deliver me there?  
Off of the Pit, we take a corridor I’ve never been down before, it leads up to the far east corner of the compound.  
The further we get, the more the décor changes; dim stone passageways give out to clean, airy white walls, the blue string lighting replaced with harsh halogen domes.  
After turning enough corners that I’d decided I’d need help to get out again, ponytail pauses in front of an ordinary looking door. He gives it two sharp raps with his knuckles before he turns the handle and beckons me inside.  
“Transfer initiate ‘Amy’ for you sir!” he calls and as soon as I step pass him, he ducks back out into the hallway, closing the door behind him.  
If Eric did have an office, it was always going to look like this. It was neat and clean, minimal furniture stood around an immaculate wooden desk; behind that sat the man himself, shuffling between binder folders and a computer tablet.  
I cleared my throat but he didn’t even look up.  
I stepped closer to his desk to wait, watching the way his brow furrowed irritably on the task in his hands; I thought about how out of place he looked in this crisp, tidy room; the man he’s become now looked completely at home surrounded by knives and guns and combat techniques.  
“You sent for me?” I said, adding derisiveness at the word ‘sent’.  
“Amelia” he finally looked up from his desk, “What do you think you were doing last night?”  
I shrug, “It was Saturday night, I was just spending time with a friend”  
“That ‘friend’ of yours isn’t exactly your age is he?” bitterness drips from his tone.  
“No-“  
“You’re an initiate Amelia; there are rules in place about fraternizing with Dauntless dependants during the term of your initiation”  
“But-“  
“Training should be your number one priority this year. Do you think anything would ever get done if we let you all just skip around the compound doing whatever you like?”  
Eric rose from his chair now, even with the desk between us he towered over me.  
“Eric, look, it was just a few hours. I had no training the following morning so it wouldn’t have-“  
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t report you huh? Report Harley? That little fuck knows better than to interfere with my initiate class!” he slams a folder down on the desk and I jump, feeling the most intimidated by him than I think I ever had.  
“Amelia! Tell me!” he steps around his desk now so that he’s right in front of me; his shoulders clench with every angry breath.  
I have to break away from his menacing glare before I lose control of myself.  
“One word from me Amelia, one word and you won’t even make it to the end of Stage One!”  
I look up at him blankly and his jaw is clenched so hard I wonder if it’s possible for him to break it.  
“This has nothing to do with initiation, does it? Or rules? Or Harley! This is about you isn’t it?”  
My calm words make him falter and he stands silently for a moment.  
“Amy-“  
Collected Amy was gone.  
“No, tell me! This is just about you and being angry; about Erudite and how every time I think we’re getting anywhere near like we used to be, you blow up and keep building that damn wall between us!”  
He stares straight at me but says nothing; the rage subsided, replaced with hi patented storm-cloud blankness.  
“You made your decision Eric! A long time ago and I’m through waiting, I’m done with trying! I lost you the day you slipped out of my house. Then a year later I come here to find you like this!” I make a point to scan him up and down.  
“You made your choice and now you just have to live with it. You can’t go around reporting me for pathetic reasons or docking my ranking whenever you lose control or see me living my life!”  
A dangerous look flashes over his face and his jaw clenches again.  
“Amelia” he growls, “You’re mine; and if I can’t have you, no one can”


	19. Demons

All I could do was stare back at him; underneath his anger, the slightest glimmer of pain wavered in his eyes.  
It was a few moments before either of us made a sound; the silence was a deafening mix of rage and hurt.  
“That’s not your decision to make” I whisper, “You said it yourself, I’m not yours”  
Eric took a deep breath, his gaze shifts to the corner of the room.  
“You’re my instructor, that’s all”  
He nods and his steely eyes find mine again.  
When it seemed he had nothing else to say, I turned on my heel and walked out the door, allowing it to slam shut behind me; leaving him with his head bowed, alone in his office.  
As I walked quickly up the corridor, I realized I probably broke a whole lot of rules by just walking out of a Dauntless leaders office without dismissal; but I had to get out of there.  
It felt like I’d just closed the final chapter between the two of us; I’d cast away all of my feelings and hopes that I’d somehow unearth the old Eric. It was done.  
Part of me felt sorrow at the finalization of it all, but the other part of me was hopeful about severing the last emotional tie that still linked me to my past life; the one shred of myself that hadn’t completely transformed alongside me.  
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry right now.  
I pushed away the yearning to crawl up in my bunk and waste the whole afternoon; instead, I made my way toward the roof.  
It seemed a lot of the initiates gathered there on nice afternoons; I was surprised to see an easy mix of transfers and Dauntless-born milling around the space, laughing and chatting easily with each other.  
I spotted Nellie and Mitch perched on the ledge of the building, their hands intertwined while they talked with two Dauntless-born initiates.  
“There you are!” Nellie beamed.  
“We thought you’d bailed on us” Mitch smiled at the pair in front of him.  
“Amy-doll, this is Sean and Rue”  
Sean and Rue were opposites in every aspect; where Sean was dark featured and as muscular as Eric, Rue was willow-thin and ice-white blonde. They smiled warmly at me as I sat down to Nellie’s right.  
“We were just talking about the beginning of Stage two next week” Rue’s voice had an almost musical ring to it, “Are you nervous?”  
To be honest, I had completely forgotten that the second part of our initiation was due to begin; and in the second I had to think about it, I realized how terrified I was.  
“A little” I said, downplaying my anxiety.  
“I’ve heard a bunch of older Dauntless say it was far more demanding than the combat side of training” Sean frowns.  
“Because we’ve spent so much time and focus on the physical side, it’s a big adjustment to bring our minds up to the same level”  
“I’m not scared” Mitch grins, “It’ll be the same as the Aptitude tests”  
“But this time it’s our own fears, the serum specially brings our own darkest weaknesses to life” Rue says seriously.  
“I don’t think I’m scared of much” Mitch scoffs.  
“You say that, but the tests find fears you never even knew you had. On average, an initiate starts with ten or fifteen”  
“Has anyone ever had less than that?” I ask, hoping that somehow it won’t be as petrifying as I think.  
“Sometimes but not very often. That’s why Fours such a prodigy” Rue answers.  
“Four? As in he has four fears?” Nellie squints.  
“Genius” Mitch grins again, “So that’s why he’s so scary, because he has so much left over from not being scared of anything”  
I thought about being back in my Aptitude test, the good-natured Candor man looking over me as I closed my eyes as the serum took effect; but this time instead of the routine faction test simulation, it subjected me to every single fear I’d ever had; I shudder.  
There was an obvious hum of excitement in the dormitory the next morning, as we dressed for our first day of simulations.   
Mitch looked cool and confident as he tried to coax a smile out of an anxious Nellie.  
The next morning we met in the training hall, where Four and Eric stood dauntingly either side of the rankings board.  
“Congratulations on advancing to the next stage of initiation” Eric holds his head high as he eyes the initiates; though I noticed he kept his gaze a safe distance from where I stood.  
“In Stage two you will be focusing on the psychological side of your Dauntless training. Those of you who found easy traction in the combat component, may find yourselves struggle when it comes to rational thinking in the face of your fears. For now, I’ll leave you to our resident Fear Landscape expert…” Eric says bitterly as he turns to Four, “… to brief you further”  
Four sighs, obviously accustomed to his new supervisors animosity, but steps forward anyway.  
“I will be administering the simulations to each of you but your results will be reported back to and readily available to Eric and the other leaders”  
My stomach sinks at the thought of Eric, recently estranged, being privy to my deepest darkest fears.  
Four continued on about how our simulation would take place; everything from administration methods to the schedule we’d follow.  
He then announced that even though it was our very first day, we would each run through our own fear landscapes to familiarize ourselves with the process and get an initial tally of exactly how many demons we’d each have to face.  
It was going to be, as he explained it, a very long day.  
Before we could begin though, we were shown to the Stage two training facility; a sister to the combat hall we’d become so familiar with, it only spanned a quarter of the size. A narrow line of overhead lights the only source of light; the room felt like a cave.  
Instead of padded sparring mats and rows of body-shaped targets, this room stood plain bar the rows of bench seating that lead toward an impending, windowless door.  
Four showed us beyond it where, just as Mitch had guessed, the setup was identical to the Hub’s Aptitude exam rooms. All too soon enough though, I’d realize that that’s where the similarities’ would end.  
He gestured for us to be seated around the benches as he flicks through the clipboard in his hands.  
“Simulations will follow in alphabetical order, so Amy” his dark eyes flick to mine, “You’re first, better get used to it, the order will remain the same every day”  
I felt Nellie give my arm the smallest squeeze as I rose to my feet; I took a deep breath and followed Four into the simulation room, feeling every initiates eyes on my back.  
“Take a seat Amy” Four directs me to the adjustable chair as he begins to tap away on the computer monitor beside it.  
“Because this is your first landscape, I’ll have complete control over how long you’ll be under so try and relax”  
He fixes a handful of electrodes to my temples and the base of my throat, and I can hear my pulse begin to reverberate through the computer monitor as a series of low beeps.  
“The most effective way to surpass each fear is to decrease your heart rate in the face of panic; another is to straight up face them. For this first run, try to focus on calming yourself down”  
I nod anxiously, worried that my heart beat may already be quick enough to fail.  
“The serum needs to be injected directly into your bloodstream so that it can take effect quickly”   
He holds up a syringe and I can almost hear the monitors beeping get closer and closer together.  
The needle is made of smooth, reflective metal and I can see through the glass panel where it holds the iridescent serum.  
He poises it at the side of my throat.  
“I’ll be right here Amy and I’ll be able to see everything. Be brave”  
I feel the sting of the needle tip as it pierces my skin; and Fours face above me instantly starts to blur away.  
When I can finally open my eyes again, I’m standing on the boardwalk; though the sun shines brightly overhead, there’s a dull wash over the booths and dilapidated rides.  
I felt an overwhelming sense of impending dread as I walk in the direction of the pier; I can already see the cracked earth of the dry lakebed, sweeping out either side from the worn wooden jetty.  
Its deathly quiet, I time my breaths to the thud of my boots and practice controlling my heartbeats; I know that whatever the serum has found lurking in my mind is coming.  
I thought I head a faint snapping sound behind me; I spun around to see nothing but the empty boardwalk.  
The hairs on the back of my neck start to tingle and I hold my breath to listen even harder.  
Its then that I hear the dull roaring sound.  
I’m still trying to determine its source as it begins to grow louder, like thunder; it’s coming from behind me.  
I turn back around slowly, shielding my eyes from the sun; I see a wide, grey expanse over the top of the fence.   
I realize its coming closer; a storm maybe? But I wasn’t afraid of storms, if anything I used to be fascinated with studying the lightning and the energy that the grey crowds created.  
But this storm looked too low, and far too solid.  
It was still approaching faster and faster, it was so wide I couldn’t even make out the sides of it; it was only after the grey mass was near enough to reveal it was five times the height of the fence that I knew it wasn’t a storm.  
The roaring had become so loud that the wooden planks beneath my feet started to tremble; it was a wave, the type of solid, churning, merciless wave of water that I’d only ever read about in the Erudite library.  
I started to run. A fierce wind ripped through the boardwalk and sent my hair flying around my face; I looked back over my shoulder just in time to see the tidal wave crash through the concrete base of the fence, iron and stone ripped apart as though it was made of sand.  
I pushed my legs harder as the rumble of the approaching water battled for dominance over my thunderous heartbeat.  
I know I couldn’t outrun it, or hide; the wave was going to catch me.  
The snapping sound of the pier being met with the solid wall of water made me falter.  
I only just pushed my hands out in time to catch my fall.  
Pushing myself forward again I mustered up just enough bravery to look behind me; the base of the wave shredding the wooden planks I’d just been standing on, ripping booths from foundations; the towering peak had risen so high it had blocked out the sun.  
A panicked scream escaped my lips, barely audible over the splintering of wood and the boom of the water.  
Then I felt the chill spread over my back and shoulders and I knew it was too late; I threw my arms up over my face and squeezed my eyes tight just as the wall struck.  
I flew forward with the force of it; it didn’t feel wet, it felt like I’d just plummeted from a tall building and had met the street below.  
Then everything was dark and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t do anything to be honest; I struggled and kicked but nothing could stop the momentum.  
It was only after my wrist got caught in something that I started to scream again; desperately trying to pull it free so I could find air.  
“Amy”  
The wave called my name and I pulled harder.  
“Amy!”   
I finally opened my eyes and instead of the blackness I expected, I was in the simulation room.  
Instead of the grey water, I saw Fours concerned face.  
“Amy!”  
I mumbled a reply through my heavy breathing.  
“You’re okay! You’re awake”  
I took a few deep breaths; I felt the dry fabric of my clothes and sighed in relief.  
“I had to pull you out, your rate was too high” Four frowned at the computer monitor as I pulled myself to a seated position.  
“There… There was a wave… and i-“  
“I know, I saw it” he said quietly as he removed the electrodes from my temples.  
“How… how did I go?” I ask, still shaking the image of the oncoming wave from my mind.  
“You did perfectly fine for a first time” Four nods encouragingly, “But there’s still a lot of improving to do, on that fear and all the others that will follow. Do you have any questions for me?”  
I think for a moment.  
“Can the simulations hurt me?”  
“Not physically” he says expressionlessly before turning back to the screen, “Can you send Cole in on your way out?”  
I nod, composing myself I left the simulation room; the uneasy feeling still settled in the back of my mind.


	20. Embers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaack!  
> Terribly sorry for my hiatus. If I'm being honest, life got in the way and I lost all motivation to write!  
> Hopefully now I'll get my groove back and endevour to be at my laptop as often as possible!  
> Thank you all again for your support and patience xx

There was an air of unease over the initiate side of the cafeteria that evening. We sat in silent clusters, hardly even eating. Every one of us haunted by what we’d seen that day.  
I still felt cold all over as Nellie tried her hardest to lighten the mood; she seemed to have handled her landscape quite well. Better than Mitch at least; my usually vivacious friend poked at his dinner distractedly and I wondered if the colour would ever return to his face.  
Nellie was halfway through regaling her moth themed landscape when Harley dropped himself onto the bench beside me.  
“Evening!” he smiles. I can tell he must have just finished work because his long, delicate fingers are stained with mottled blacks and blues.  
“Now I know I was supposed to wait the cool-person five-ish days to see you again, but I couldn’t” I can see his cheeks darken the tiniest bit; and I can’t help but blush along with him.  
“Well I’m glad you put aside your coolness just for me! How was work?”  
He snorts.  
“Another day; another dollar!” He sighs before his eyes light up and he includes his attention to Nellie and Mitch on the other side of the table; I watch him assess the state Mitch is in but he says nothing.  
“How was your first day of Stage One?”  
“Horrible” Nellie laughs “I still can’t believe they’re going to make us do that every day!”  
The corner of Harleys mouth twitches up and his eyes fix back onto mine.  
“And how did you go?” His voice is softer now; as if he remembers his exact emotions the night after his own first simulation.  
“The first one’s got to be the worst right?” I shrug, “I’ll be more prepared tomorrow”  
Harley gives me another empathetic smile and squeezes my shoulders in a one-armed hug. I was shocked by how reassuring it felt after such a nightmare of a day and I thankfully buried my head into the arch of his neck.  
No sooner had I felt myself relax, I felt eyes on me from across the cafeteria. Previous experience should have prevented me from looking up, but I guess I’ll never learn.  
Eric stood, arms crossed, at the far side of the hall in a cluster of older Dauntless; but instead of being a part of the conversation, his thunderstorm glare was fixed directly on Harley and I. Even from this distance I could undoubtedly make out the aggressive clenching of his jaw.  
I felt my skin go cold at the intensity of his gaze and I ease myself away from Harley; luckily my reaction went unnoticed.  
“Hey, I’m gonna go grab some food” Harley stretches as he gets to his feet, “You guys need anything?”  
Nellie politely shakes her head and Mitch continued to stare at the uneaten food already in front of him.  
“I’m fine thanks”   
“I’ll be right back” he squeezes my shoulder one last time before he heads toward the food line.  
“He’s so lovely Amy” Nellie nods approvingly.  
I smile at her but I can’t stop my gaze from travelling across the cafeteria; where they’re met with the same, unwavering scowl. I knew I should have held my head high and stared right back at him, but there was something in his menacing stance that forced me to look away.  
It must have been the middle of the night when the smallest creaking stirred me awake.  
I looked around the dormitory; straining my tired eyes against the darkness. Mitch was very quietly climbing down from his bunk.  
In the blackness, I watched him pull on a shirt and creep toward the door.  
Mitch normally slept like a rock so I knew something had to be up; as silently as I could, I pushed my blankets back and followed him out into the corridor.  
Once outside I just had time to see him disappear around the corner of another walkway. I quickened my pace to keep up; my bare feet silent on the cold stone ground.  
After I turned the corner, Mitch pushed through an ordinary looking steel door; I waited for him to close it behind him before I followed.  
I’d never been through this door before, as a matter of fact; I’d never been in this corridor.  
Resting my hand on the doors long steel handle, I listened intently for footsteps or voices but I was met with nothing but stillness.  
I pushed the door open and was startled to find myself standing in the night air. Not on the ground, but on a metal balcony that ran alongside the building. Steel staircases ran from the floor above and to the floor below.  
Mitch, who was perched on the rusted railing, turns to me in surprise; a glowing-ended cigarette clutched in his long fingers.  
“Amy?” he says uncertainly, “what are you doing out here?”  
“It’s a fire escape” I whisper to myself as I go to stand beside him; my curiosity over his night time outing overshadowed by the view around me.  
The alleyway below us must have been at least four stories down and the dim lights from the compound and the fence in the distance gave the illusion that the stars had crept all the way down to earth.  
“Sure is; you probably should have known that though… actually, everyone should have known that” he takes a drag from the cigarette with hardly a smile and the plume of smoke blurs the air beside him. “Remind me to bring it up at the next meeting”  
“I didn’t know you smoked?” I say in my best casual tone.  
“Only in the light of bad things Amy-Doll”  
I lean against the railing beside him and I feel my concern grow as I take in his weary features.  
“What’s wrong?”  
I watch as he tries to smile, to shake whatever he’s feeling away; and my heart breaks when I can see his attempt fail. He stares over the edge of the fire escape for a few seconds; his eyebrows knit together in thought.  
“How did you handle your landscape today?” He finally asks quietly.  
“Terribly, Four had to pull me out” I laugh but I get no reaction from him.  
“Is that what this is about?”  
His jaw clenches a few times and he keeps his eyes fixed on the horizon.  
“I watched them die today Amy” his voice is a raspy whisper, “my mom and my dad. The house was on fire; they were on fire! They were screaming for me… And I couldn’t…”  
He’s silent again and I can tell he’s holding back a sob. I reflexively took his hand.  
“I couldn’t even save them. The doorway… the flames were too high… I let them die”  
He turns back to me; his face, so usually alive with laughter, is creased with pain.  
“They screamed for me to help and I let them die. I’m a coward”  
“Oh Mitch” I pulled him into my arms and I felt his shoulders fight back from shaking.  
“You’re not a coward. It’s the simulation, it’s all pretend”  
“I don’t know if I can do it Amy-doll. That was day one and look at me” In the dark I can see the glowing ember of his cigarette shiver in his shaky hand.  
“You’re the toughest guy here” I try to give him my most encouraging smile, “and as you said, today was only day one! Remember how hard that very first day of combat training was? The first time we fired a gun? And now look at us!”  
He gave a small shrug.   
“I was never this shook up after those days though. I don’t know, maybe it was seeing my parents and watching everything burning, it just… It really got to me”  
“Well it’s about time something scared you” I grinned at him and for split second he smiled back at me.  
“Hey, tomorrow’s another day and if you run the same fear landscape tomorrow, you’ll be ready for it. I know you will”  
“Thanks Amy-Doll, it actually feels good to be able to tell somebody about it” He finishes the last of his smoke and flicks the butt onto the ground.  
“But uh… let’s not burden Nell with any of this” The serious tone returning to his voice, “She handled today so well and I just don’t want her to have anything to worry about”  
“Agreed” I smile at him and he winks.   
Heading back to the dormitory, I know that sleep was going to be hard to return to. The conversation with Mitch had put me back on edge about tomorrow’s simulations.  
What if I still couldn’t control my heart rate tomorrow? And Four has to pull me out again and again? My ranking had undoubtedly shifted after my first efforts and I wondered if it would be possible to drop all the way down the tally board in the space of a few weeks.  
In my bunk I pulled my thin blanket tighter around myself and tried to focus on nothing else but falling asleep.


	21. Fears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems I'm back in force! haha  
> Thank you all for taking the time to read what I used to classify as "my drivel". I'm always still so overwhelmed to hear that you guys actually enjoy it and get excited when I post more often!  
> Comments and Kudos are fantastic and prompt me to keep up writing this fun little drivel!  
>   
> As always, this chapter is dedicated to the real Mitch who, if he was still here with us today, would be absolutely chuffed that I added some bad-assery to his otherwise puppy-dog personality

The sunrise came uncomfortably too soon the next morning; I dragged myself out of bed feeling just as tired as I did on our very first morning in the compound.  
Mitch sprung up beside me and startled most of the drowsiness away.  
“Morning Amy-Doll” He looked normal, his grin was just as infectious and genuine as ever.  
“Hey, feeling better?” I lower my voice.  
He nods. “Everything’s peachy. The first days gotta be the hardest, right?”  
He gives my shoulder a squeeze before he bounds over to Nellies bunk.  
Dressed and ready for another day, I make my way down towards the Pit. There’s the usual amount of chaos; leaders striding purposely through the halls, the zombie-like staggering from the younger Dauntless who would have been up all night and the fresh-faced initiates walking quickly to breakfast.  
I was just passing the middle of the Pit when I hear my name being called.  
I sighed, preparing myself for some early morning, Eric rudeness; but when I turned around it was Harley’s broad grin that met me.  
“HI!” I gushed with relief.  
“Good morning beautiful” he puts his arm around me.  
“Coming down for breakfast?” I ask, relishing the warmth of his arm over my shoulder.  
“No, I’ve got an early client” He checks his watch from where his wrist sits around my neck, “And he’ll be due any minute. Just thought I’d catch you as you went by”  
His crooked smile makes me feel almost giddy and I can’t help but lean closer and kiss him lightly on the lips.  
When I pull away again, the new flush in his cheeks intensifies the tones in his greeny-golden eyes.  
“Uh… umm…I was wondering, tonight; do you have any plans?” He asks shyly.  
“Not at all”  
“Well, there’s a lunar eclipse tonight and they’re kinda cool; so I was thinking we head up to the roof? I’ll find out what Arch was serving us at the bar the other night and see if I can get a bottle of that? Blankets? That kind of thing?” his words melt together nervously and it’s adorable.  
“I’d love to” I grin at him.  
“It’s only at like ten-ish so I promise to get you into bed straight after”  
I laugh at his choice of words and he instantly blushes more and tries to amend himself.  
“Your bed I mean, the dormitory; I’ll walk you there”  
I laugh again, “Sounds perfect”  
A booming voice comes from across the Pit.  
“H!”  
We turn to see Li leaning from the tattoo parlours doors.  
“Come on Romeo!”  
“Oh god” Harley sighs.  
“You gonna come do some work or what?”  
Li’s loud voice had attracted more than enough attention.  
“Sorry” he laughed awkwardly, “But great! I’ll catch up with you at dinner yeah? Save me a seat”  
“HARLEY!”  
Harley mutters a curse and kisses me swiftly on the lips.  
‘Good luck today too!” He calls back over his shoulder as he makes his way towards the shop.  
After breakfast, I’m the first one to arrive at our training room and I take a seat by the door to the simulation area.  
It’s a few moments before I hear more footsteps enter the room behind me.  
“Right at the front Amy, are you just keen or simply sucking up to Four?”  
It was Jarrod’s voice, I turn to him blankly.  
“Maybe she just didn’t want to have to look at you on her way in! Ha!” It was Mitch, loping in right behind him.  
It earns a scowl from Jarrod but my friend just pulls a silly face back at him and drops himself down onto the bench beside me.  
“Good morning initiates” Four strides into the room and is straight onto unlocking the simulation door.  
“Amy, you’re with me. Everyone else, just sit quietly” he nods in my direction and I follow him into the room.  
I don’t know if I feel less or more intimidated at the sight of the chair than I did yesterday.  
“Take a seat and get comfortable” Four orders as he brings the computer monitor to life.  
I lower myself into the chair and take a few deep breaths while I wait.  
Like yesterday, Four hooks me up with the wires and turns to me with the loaded syringe gun.  
“Now just like yesterday Amy. I’ll let you move on to your next fear just so you can start catching up with the others”  
He holds the needle to my neck and I turn my chin to expose my throat.  
“Now remember, heart rate; the simulations can’t hurt you, just try to push past the fear. Are you ready?”  
I nod stiffly and feel the now familiar sting. The ceiling above me fades to black.  
I wake with a start in the darkness, only dull beams of light from a high windows breaking up the black; I pull myself into a seated position and I realize I’m in my bunk in the dormitory.  
I strain my ears to listen but there’s nothing but silence, looking around I can’t make out any other figures in the bunks around me; the room is empty.  
The only sound is my own breathing; I sit for a few moments just to assess the situation but just when I’m about to shift my legs over the side of the mattress, I hear a thud behind me.  
I spin around just in time to see a figure throw themself onto my chest, strong hands encircle my throat.  
I let out a gasp as the hands push my head back into the pillow, the weight on my chest grew heavier.  
I clawed at the arms uselessly, the figure shifts into a strand of light and my struggle intensifies when I see its Jarrod. The menacing sneer on his face as his fingers dug deeper into my throat.  
“Little bitch! How dare you rank above me?!”  
I tried to wiggle out from underneath him but Jarrod’s solid body made it impossible.  
The tightness on my neck started to become sharper, stinging my skin; gasping, I look back up to Jarrod confused but as he moves back into the light.  
But it’s not Jarrod anymore; it’s Erin, her pale face contorted into a vicious snarl. The sharpness at my neck must have been her fingernails.  
“If I kill you right here, I can take your spot!”  
A renewed sense of desperation overcomes me and I started to struggle harder, my eyes were starting to hurt and my mind was getting fuzzy.  
I swung a pathetic fist upwards where I made contact with Erin’s chin; she let out an almost catlike growl and leaned away from the light again.  
I was coming up with my next plan to attack when the weight on my chest got heavier, the grip on my throat became more painful than ever and now I even struggled to let out a sound.  
I tried to roll Erin off of me but this time her response was a very masculine sounding groan.  
My heart almost stopped at the familiarity of it but that was nothing compared to how it felt when Mitch’s face shifted into the light. His blonde hair ragged and his easy-going smile twisted into a deadly sneer.  
“You don’t belong here, Amy! You’re nothing!”  
I let out a panicked sob as I tried to pry his hands off of my throat; I buy myself a second of air.  
“Why are you doing this?” I choke and Mitch glares at me.  
“You don’t deserve to be here! You were never Dauntless! You have to go!”  
I can feel myself starting to slip out of consciousness so with the last of my energy I grab for the front of Mitch’s shirt, dragging him down towards me.  
Before he can react I smash my forehead against his nose and mouth; I hear the familiar sound of a nasal bone shattering and he lets out a bellow like an animal, throwing his head back and loosening his grip on my throat.  
I take a second to gulp down as much air as I could before I turn back to him. Mitch is kneeling on the end of my bed, gripping his nose to stem the flow of glimmering red. The murderous look in his eyes remained as he sets to lunge at me again; this time I’m too quick for him, determined to have the advantage this time, I throw myself at him and knock him from the edge of the bed.  
He crumples to the floor and before I can even think, I’m on him; hitting him again and again, resolute to survive.  
I hit him until the beams of light from the ceiling windows faded away, until someone was shaking me awake.  
“Amy! You can wake up now” It was Four, less concern on his face than there had been yesterday.  
“How did I go?” I mumble, forcing myself to sit up, I ran my hand over my unscathed throat to convince myself it wasn’t real.  
“Much better; you did take your time, but I think you’ve figured out how you’ll manage the simulations.”  
“But it was Mitch…”  
“I know, and that’s always a difficult element with the simulations. You’ll actually find that’s where most of the initiates struggle; up against loved ones, friends”  
Fours voice takes on a saddened tone and he turns toward me, his brown eyes illuminated bright in the fluorescent lighting.  
“But you did great. You challenged your fears head first, that’s a very Dauntless strategy”  
He smiles a little bit and I feel a wave of relief; I hadn’t failed.  
“You’re free to go; tell Cole I’ll see him now”  
Later that afternoon, Mitch and I were milling around waiting for Nellie to finish her landscape.  
“How did you go today?” I ask him; I expected the weary look to return to his face but instead he smiled.  
“Better, this one was different, no family or friends in sight; I handled it much easier”  
I had to laugh.  
“You were in mine today”  
He looks at me perplexed.  
“Well, you, Jarrod and Erin”  
“No good can come out of that combination” he laughs nervously.  
“You tried to kill me” I laughed.  
“What!? Oh Amy-Doll I’m sorry! It wasn’t even really me and I feel bad!” He did indeed look guilty.  
“Don’t be” I tease, “I killed you first anyway!”  
“What?! How could you do that! I’m insulted!” Mitch scoffs.  
“It wasn’t even really you, remember?” I grin.  
He narrows his eyes at me before grinning back.  
I went to the cafeteria early that evening to get us a table and to wait for Harley; but after a while the place had started to fill up and there was still no sign of him.  
I’d already eaten and I was just about to get up and head down to the shop just in case he was working overtime, when Mitch walks into the hall with a determined look on his face; he spots me amongst the crowded tables and makes a beeline toward me.  
“Hey, what’s u-“  
“Have you heard about H?” he asks.  
I’m confused.  
“Yeah, he’s supposed to meet me here like half an hour ago?”  
“He’s in the infirmary” Mitch says quietly.  
I rise to my feet.  
“What happened?!”  
“I don’t know, Li didn’t tell me the whole story; apparently he got beat pretty bad”  
The words were hardly out of his mouth before I dashed past him and out of the dining hall.


	22. Precipice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having an uncharacteristically productive streak haha  
> Once again comments and suggestions and any sort of feedback is appreciated :)  
> Enjoy! x

I skidded to a halt on the linoleum at the entrance of the infirmary; I caught sight of the yellow haired nurse and rushed up to her.  
“Excuse me” I gushed breathlessly, “Harley?”  
She assessed me up and down.  
“Relative or friend?”  
“Uh, girlfriend” I choked.  
Her serious expression faded but was replaced instead by a sympathetic smile.  
“Right this way, pet”  
I followed behind her as she led me through the ward. I stared determinedly at her bobbing yellow ponytail as I tried to get my head around what had happened to Harley.  
He’d been at work today, I didn’t understand. How could he have been beaten up? And more importantly, who could have done it? Every time I’d been with him, he seemed to have friends in every corner of the compound; how could anyone not like him?  
The nurse stopped in front of a screened off bed.  
“You’ve got ten minutes, we’ve just given him some pain relief serum so he might not even last that long” she smiles and pulls back the screen curtain for me to step through.  
Once she’s gone again, I turn toward the stretcher bed where Harley lies; the stark white, infirmary blanket is pulled up to where a thick strip of bandage is fastened around his bare, but heavily tattooed, chest.  
He sees me come in and his face lights up.  
“Amy! I’m sorry! But look at you keeping our date! You’re the real gentleman here!”  
He frowns to himself.  
“Not that you’re a man… like you’re the good one? Of us? Sorry, the serums managed to make me less cool and coherent than usual”  
“Harley!” I break him out of his self-commentary. “What happened?”  
I go to stand beside him; the only marks on him I can see are on the un-tattooed parts of his face. There’s a developing deep grey bruise under his left eye and a cut on the swollen bridge of his nose.  
“I know, I’m not wearing glasses, it’s weird” he chuckles.  
“Harley, be serious!” I take his hand to enforce the seriousness of the situation.  
“Sorry! Sorry! Serum… loopy” he clears his throat, “Well there was a minor altercation at the shop today and I came off second best”  
“Who? Why?” I’m desperate for some answers.  
“My last client of the night decided he really didn’t feel like being tattooed and would rather ‘teach me a lesson’ and well… the whole broken rib thing”  
I looked at him expectantly and he sighs.  
“Look, don’t worry about it Amy, it’s nothing. It was actually just like the old days!” At the last part he laughed but that disappeared as soon as he assessed the look on my face.  
“Who was it?” I asked firmly.  
Harley sighed again and rubbed his forehead.  
“Eric”  
“What?” I was trying so hard to keep calm. Eric had confronted me about this in his office only two days ago, but singling out Harley like that was a whole different story.  
“Yep, he was… extremely unhappy, with me seeing one of his first stage initiates”  
“You’re not serious are you? And he hit you because of that? Because of me?!”  
“If we’re being honest Amy, he’s hit me plenty of times before!” Harley grins, “it just wasn’t in training room this time”  
“Have you told Max? Anyone?”  
“No, it’s just Eric; it’s fine. Maybe there is some rule about dependants and initiates. I just over stepped my boundaries”  
“Harley…” I squeezed his hand again.  
“Sorry about tonight, I guess we’ll have to reschedule… Or not, Eric did seem quite serious about this rule” Harley was starting to slur.  
“How about, when I’m back at work, come see me at the shop?”  
“Of course!” I leant down and kissed him, not as swiftly as usual; but like last Saturday after he dropped me home at the dorms.  
He smiled groggily.  
“I’ll let you sleep now” I laugh.  
“I’m full of serum” Harley grinned, “I’m usually suave-er… and definitely better looking”  
“Oh I bet” I wink at him before I pull the curtain aside to leave.  
“Oh and thanks for coming to see me Amy” he says quietly; but by the time I turn around his eyes are already closed.  
I thanked the nurse on the way out and she smiled warmly at me.  
I know that Mitch and Nellie would want to know what had happened but right at this moment, I had something to do.  
I turned off the corridor and up the stairs that lead to the Leaders apartments.  
Luckily the coast was clear because I was way too angry to even check; god knows what I’d have said if Max or someone had caught me walking up towards Eric’s room.  
I pounded on his front door, anger bristling over my skin.  
After what felt like an eternity, I heard footsteps from the inside, then the sound of the lock being fumbled.  
When the door finally opened, Eric stood staring down at me; beer bottle in hand, he’s shirtless in a pair of black tracksuit pants.  
Why didn’t he ever wear clothes in his apartment?  
“What do you want?” he says bitterly.  
There’s a slur to his words and I know from previous experience that he’s drunk again.  
I was composed enough to know that I wasn’t about to start a confrontation in the hallway so I pushed past him into the room.  
He closed the door and turned to me sourly.  
“How dare you!” I scoff.  
He sighs and takes a swig of his beer.  
“Amelia…” he says boredly.  
“No, don’t ‘Amelia’ me!” I shout, “What you did today was so out of line, it’s not even funny. How could you do that? To Harley? He was your friend!”  
“He’s not my friend. I told him the same thing I told you. No one fucks with my initiate class”  
“I don’t remember you beating me to a pulp in our conversation!”  
He says nothing.  
“I don’t get it Eric, what do you want from me?!”  
“Look, I went in there this afternoon but I never set out to hit him”  
He drinks from his beer again.  
“I told him he was breaking the rules, then he started getting smart; and you know just how well getting smart works with me!” the dangerous glint flashes over his eyes.  
“Were you already drunk when you ambushed him?!”  
“Amelia, I’m not drunk now!”  
I stare at him doubtfully.  
“Look, I’m not going to apologise because you know I don’t do that; and also because I think he deserved it”  
“What’s the real reason here, Eric?”  
He stares at me again and I can tell he’s debating what to say.  
“Would you have gone to anyone else’s apartment if they’d been the one who hit the kid? Would you have gone to Fours? Max’s?”  
“You’re a whole different story Eric. What you did was childish”  
The corner of his lip turns up.  
“You’re the only one holding this grudge. We’ve talked about it before; you won’t move forward so now we’re moving on”  
His sneer only grew.  
“If I asked you to stay tonight; what would you say, Amelia?”  
“What?” this change of topic took me off guard.  
Eric put his beer down and started to move toward me; with every step he took, I found myself edging back toward the bench behind me.  
“You heard me. Stay with me tonight”  
“Eric. I came here to talk about Harley…”  
“But did you?” his voice is a gravelly murmur.  
The edge of the bench was now pressed up against my spine.  
“Yes!”  
I could feel the heat radiating off his skin, he lifted a hand to brush a strand of hair away from my face; I could smell the beer on his breath.  
“You could’ve gone to any one of the Leaders about this, probably could have gotten me on probation or suspended” he tilted his head cynically, “but instead, you come all the way to my house, this late at night, let yourself in while I’m hardly dressed… Seems a bit unusual doesn’t it?”  
I’m trying so hard to think of something to say when he closes the last of the gap between us and holds my face in his hands.  
“It’s your choice Amelia. You can leave right now, go to Max then wait around for Harley to walk again; or you can stay”  
His eyes meet mine; gone is the arrogance, replaced with nothing but sincerity.  
“But if you do leave tonight, you have my word that I’ll leave you alone; I’ll be nothing more than your instructor. The Erudite days will have never happened and it’ll be as if we never met.”  
He’s guilting me but it’s working; the sadness in his hazy eyes is undisputable.  
“Eric” I whisper.  
“So I’m asking you. Stay with me tonight”  
I know it’s crazy, I came here tonight out of anger for Harley; lovely, sweet Harley, who sat battered and bruised in the infirmary because of me. And now here I am in the arms of the one who did it to him.  
I should have been appalled that he’d even asked, disgusted even; but standing here against him, with his infamous guards finally let down, the first real glimpse of the old him that I’d seen in a long, long time; at this moment I couldn’t even remember the logical answer.


	23. The Fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is by far the most anxious I've ever been about a chapter.  
> If I've ever needed opinions or feedback (or even encouragement!) this is the time!  
> I hope you all enjoy it and I can't wait to hear your thoughts xx

His hands so warm on my cheeks, it’s hard to think about anything else.  
“So what do you say?” he murmurs in my ear.  
“What if I do?” I can only manage a whisper, “What happens then? If I stay I throw away Harley; and after it all, I still might not even have you”  
He stares at me for a moment; his broody eyes are softened now; but whether from the drink or the moment I can’t tell.  
“Then you would have left already, Amelia”  
I take a deep breath to try and steady my thoughts, but my right hand betrays me and I gently brush the skin over his collarbone, right where his tattoo starts, and follow it all the way up the side of his neck to where the ink tapered off at his jaw.  
His eyes close and he stands perfectly still. I realize my other hand has come to rest itself against his warm chest.  
I can feel his fingers drift to the nape of my neck and I can’t stop myself; I lean into him and press my lips against his.   
Almost immediately he sighs and draws me closer to him; I trail my fingers around his ribs and onto the muscled contours of his back to pull him closer.  
He buries his fingers into the base of my hair as the bench-top presses harder into my back. Running my hands up his chest and across his shoulders, I realized just how imposing he was, how daunting; being in this proximity to his broad shoulders and towering height should have intimidated me. But if anything, I couldn’t have felt safer being enveloped by his massive frame  
His hands gripped at my sides and I could feel the rough skin of his fingers as he worked them past the hem of my shirt and up onto the smooth skin of my waist; it was my turn to let out a sigh.  
As if I’d given him permission he lifted me effortlessly onto the edge of the bench so that our faces were even; our eyes met for just a fraction of a second and I could swear I’d never seen him look at me that way before; completely vulnerable.  
His hands still firm on my waist and ribs, I raise my arms above my head: Eric gets my hint and lifts my shirt up over my upstretched arms, halting our kiss only as the fabric passed over my face, before he let it drop to the ground beside us.  
I don’t know what compelled me to do it, I think I just wanted to feel his bare skin against my own; one thing I was glad about was that I wasn’t wearing one of the tired, ugly sports bras that I had during all of Stage One.  
I pressed against him, feeling my legs slip around his hips of their own accord, just to pull him closer. There was more persistence in our kisses now; not like the urgency in our past kisses, where I feared he would pull away at any second. Now it almost felt like a built up finality; like it would change everything.  
His fingers slipped beneath the straps over my shoulder, just so he could feel my skin without obstacle. I knotted my fingers in his hair and he tilted his chin back to look at me.  
“Eric” I whisper, “I… I don’t”  
“I know” he breathed.  
With that, he lifted me up into his arms and carried me to the bed.  
Nothing more happened that night; just more touches and kisses and warm skin. Sleep eventually took me in his arms with my head rested on his chest; my hair fanned out across his shoulder while the moonlight illuminated our bare skin; just like it had all that time ago.  
I was the first to wake the next morning; the uncharacteristically soft mattress was the first indication that what had happened last night hadn’t been a dream. The second was the heavy, vicelike arm that encircled my waist.  
I could tell it was early, the apartment was bathed in the copper glow of the sunrise; my clothes lay discarded on the floor.  
As carefully as I could, I rolled over onto my back; Eric’s arm stirred and he let out a muffled moan but when I looked at him he was still very much asleep.  
I felt like this was the moment we’d missed out on the last time we’d fallen asleep side by side; this morning I was going to take advantage of watching him with his guards down.  
He still frowned in his sleep; his hair, crushed by the pillow, had reverted back into golden waves. I let my eyes wanter over the bold line of his throat and shoulders, all the way down to where the contour of his hip disappeared beneath his grey sheets.  
“Do you watch everybody sleep” his soft voice startles me, his eyes are still closed, “Or is it always just me?”   
I’ve been caught out and I feel myself blush.  
Eric smiles sleepily and opens one weary eye.  
“Good morning” He pulled his arm away from its resting place over my stomach and rubbed his eyes.  
I roll over onto my other side so that I’m facing him; my blush growing even more as I watch his gaze travel down my front and back up again.  
“Coffee?” he asks with a smirk before he sits up and swings his legs out of bed; I get a great view of his broad back as he pulls his tracksuit pants on and saunters over to his small kitchen.  
“Thanks” I say as I modestly follow suit and gather my own clothes up.   
Once I’m decent, I sit myself at the tiny table and watch him.  
“I like your hair like that” he calls without even turning toward me.  
I instantly run a hand through my hair and I can already tell it’s in its most wild state.  
He places a mug on the table in front of me then returns to the kitchen.  
Something dawns on me.  
“I’m um… sorry about last night”   
He says nothing as he puts the kettle away.  
“About how I didn’t want… I wasn’t ready to…”  
“Don’t be” Eric replies as he settles down opposite me. “I didn’t expect you to”  
“I’ve just… never done it” I’m bright red now; thank god my hair was unruly enough to conceal some of my face.  
He watches my discomfort and the corner of his mouth twitches upwards.  
“I guess that makes me pretty pathetic, huh?” I laugh to shift some of the awkwardness.  
“Don’t be stupid, Amelia. I’ve only slept with one girl”  
I almost spit my coffee back out; I’d never thought of him with girls before, I’d only pictured him the way he was in Erudite and the early days of my initiation, too busy being mysterious and intimidating to pay much attention. Everything between us had been so complicated that I didn’t know whether to be understanding or hurt.  
“Oh really?” I keep my tone casual.  
“Mhm” He took a sip from his mug then smiled to himself, “But only because Four wanted her”   
Eric downed his coffee while it was still too hot for me to barely sip my own; he went into the bathroom and I heard the shower come on.  
I took my time sitting at his table, my eyes wandering around his little space and imagining what it must be like for him to live all alone so far away from where he’d grown up. His only companionship, his work and the one girl he’d stolen out of spite from his rival.  
My mind unwittingly travelled to Harley and how much different his apartment must have been in comparison; I was suddenly wracked with guilt. I felt sick to my stomach; what was I going to tell him? What was I going to do?  
Eric emerges from the bathroom, now fully dressed in his Dauntless gear and Leaders vest.  
“I’ve got a meeting to get to” he says as he sits on the edge of the bed and starts pulling on his boots, “You’ll need to stay here for a while so it won’t look suspicious if anyone sees you”  
I know I’ve got at least half an hour until the other initiates would be heading down to breakfast.  
“Help yourself to the shower and anything else you might need” He moves to the bench and shoves his keys in his vest pocket.  
“What do I tell my friends?” I ask, suddenly realizing that my absence wouldn’t have gone unnoticed.  
He moves towards me and brushes the hair from my face.  
“Tell them the landscape serum made you sick and you went to the infirmary for the night; I’ll take care of the technicalities in case anyone asks questions”  
He gives me another genuine smile and I can’t help but return it tenfold.  
“I’ve got to go. Good luck in your simulation today” He leans down and presses his lips against mine; my heart stutters and I reach up to stroke the side of his face.  
He smiles before he walks to the front door, turns his gaze on me one more time and steps out into the corridor.  
I carry my mug to the sink and wash it carefully before stowing it upside down on the drying rack beside his; I thought that this very well may have been the only time that he’d had more than one dish sit there at a time.  
I cautiously step into the bathroom; I’m used to sharing a shower area with fifteen other people but it feels strange, almost intrusive, to use one so private.  
As I might have expected, his tiny bathroom followed the same tidy, simplistic theme that ran throughout the rest of the apartment. A lone, ceramic basin stood beneath a small mirror, its top completely free of any clutter except the hand soap.  
I felt the urge to peek inside the tiny cabinet beneath, just to get a better glimpse of who he really was; but I pushed the thoughts aside.  
The shower was shielded by a plain white, plastic curtain and when I pulled it aside I discovered his toiletries consisted solely of shampoo, conditioner and a bar of soap.  
I realized I’d need a towel, turning behind me, I saw a small rail on the back of the door that held two. I ran the back of my fingers over the first and found it was damp but the one beside it was clean and dry.  
I turned the shower taps on, checked the bathroom door was locked twice before I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the running water.  
His shower was amazing; the water pressure in the dormitory had to be shared between the five faucets, whereas Eric’s focused exclusively on the one.  
I hadn’t planned on washing my hair but the thought of how clean it would be with the aid of the forceful water, persuaded me that I should.  
I reached for his shampoo, checking the label to make sure I wasn’t making a terrible mistake, before lathering into my hair. I realized straight away that the shampoo was the source of his scent; the one I would always breathe in when he passed by. It smelt like forests and ginger, and almost a little smoky; it was amazing.  
I finished washing my hair and moved on to the soap.   
I was starting to feel the weight of what I’d done to Harley bear down on me. He deserved to know everything but there were just some answers that I couldn’t give.   
Admitting that Eric and I had had history before our initiations would bring attention from the higher up Dauntless and put both of our positions here up for debate; lying about Erudite and confessing I’d spent the night in a leaders bed would be detrimental to his entire career.  
The soap had suddenly become a desperate tool to wash the guilt from my skin.  
Once I was dried and dressed, I gave the apartment one quick glance over to ensure I’d left nothing behind before I pulled his front door locked behind me.  
The walk down to the cafeteria was full of paranoia, as if everyone who looked my way knew instantly where I’d been.  
When I finally arrived at the dining hall I spotted Nellie and Mitch and quickly sat myself down beside them.  
“Amy!” Nellie looked at me in surprise.  
“Where did you go? Mitch told me you’d gone to see Harley and you never came home!”  
“Oh I stayed the night in the infirmary. I was already feeling a little sick after the fear landscape, I guess the whole Harley thing just pushed me over the edge”  
I could see Mitch eyeing me suspiciously but he said nothing.  
“Did you stay in the bed next to Harley? Ooh how cute!” Nellie laughed.  
“They just wanted to monitor me overnight… you know, in case the medicine disagreed with me”  
I could feel myself starting to blush but I fought it back off.  
“Right” Mitch says, doubt still an undercurrent in his casual tone, “How is H? Li finally told me the whole story”  
“Uh, yeah; he’s a little shaken up but the nurses think he should be out tomorrow”  
“I wonder if Eric’s being punished” Nellie adds bitterly.  
“I’d hope so; if they’re not at least putting him on probation, then something’s wrong with them” Mitch snorts.  
I feigned my best nod of agreement and allowed Nellie to move the conversation to a new topic.


	24. Flames

It was strange to think that after such a chaotic night, my fear landscape waited for me that day as if nothing had even happened.  
Four storms into the training room and a hush fell amongst the initiates.  
“Amy” He called over his shoulder as he went to unlocking the simulation room door.  
There curtness in his voice was evident and I almost felt a little uneasy being the first in a confined space with him.  
“Take a seat” He instructed, as he went straight for the simulation monitor.  
I sat myself down and turned to him.  
“Is everything okay, Four?” I ask tentatively.  
I can see him sigh before he turns to me.  
“Under normal circumstances, Amy, this wouldn’t be any business of an initiate but because you’re… well, third party involved; I suppose I can tell you”  
“This is about Harley isn’t it?” I’ve put two and two together.  
He nods but his face remains serious.  
“I had a meeting with Max this morning but he’s reluctant to discipline Eric any further than a written warning. What he did to Harley is inexcusable”  
“Have you seen him this morning?” I ask.  
“Yeah, I stopped by before class. None of his jokes make sense, so he must be on the mend” Four smiles crookedly.  
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up” his eyebrows crease as he quickly transforms back into my instructor, “You probably don’t want to talk about it. It’s just been a stressful morning”  
I smile at him empathetically and he fixes his attention back onto the conductor wires.  
“Now Amy, I want you to try and focus exactly like you did yesterday. Are you ready?”  
I felt the raging heat on my skin before I’d even opened my eyes.  
I was in the dormitory again but instead of darkness like yesterday, the room was bathed in fire.  
I jolted upright on my mattress just as the top of my neighbouring bunk collapsed downward in a hail of sparks.  
When I jump out of bed I realized I was in my sleep t-shirt, its thigh-length hem leaving my exposed legs vulnerable to the flames.  
I gave the dormitory a once over, just to make sure there was no other initiates still trapped in their beds.  
The smoke was becoming heavy in my lungs and I covered my mouth with my hand; I knew I had to get out of the room.  
My heart raced as I ducked falling bed sheets that were engulfed in the flames; I reached out for a bedframe so I could pull myself past a wall of fire, only to scream as the metal bar seared into the flesh of my hand.  
I clutched my arm back to my chest and I could see the blisters already forming on the palm.  
The pain was excruciating and it only seemed to be getting worse; I had to get to the hallway.  
Through the haze, I could make out the outline of the exit just two rows of bunks ahead of me; I quickened my pace as the fire mercilessly consumed the room around me. I was almost there when I heard a loud groan from above; I had just enough time to stop and cover my head with my arms before a large chunk of smouldering drywall fell with a crash right in front of me.  
My heart was about to jump out of my chest as I lunged through the door and into the corridor.  
I realized that I wasn’t in the clear yet as I stepped out into the hallway. Though the air was cooler and the smoke less dense, my biggest challenge lay at the end of the long; stretching hall, an impossible wave of flames that was hurtling toward me.  
I didn’t just have to get out of the dormitory; I had to get out of the building.  
My hand was still throbbing and I knew behind me was a dead end. I didn’t know if trying to jump through the surge of flames ahead of me was the best idea; then I remembered the hidden corridor I followed Mitch to the other night. The fire escape!  
I ran straight toward the oncoming heat desperate to make it to the other hallway before the flames consumed it as well.  
The smell of burning hair grew even stronger with every step closer that I took; but when the heat was stating to be much to bear, the wall beside me ended and I threw myself around the corner.  
With barely any time to catch my breath I ran to the exit door. I turned back once to see the wave of fire starting to spread toward me, more chunks of ceiling rained down.  
The only way to open the exit was a steel door handle and I could already feel it radiating heat; I grit my teeth and turned it with my already burnt hand.  
The last thing I remember was my own pained screams as I pushed through into the night air.  
I woke up gasping for air, still feeling the invisible flames on my skin.  
“Amy!” Four had to hold my arms down to stop my thrashing.  
“Amy! You’re okay!”  
I took a few moments to calm myself down then I sat up examining the palms of my unburned, hands.  
“That was a bad one” I breathed.  
Four responds with a soft laugh.  
“You did well though, very well; there wasn’t much hesitancy at all this time”  
“It feels so good to just… be able to handle it now; I thought I’d fail Stage two”  
“Not even close Amy, you’re doing well; I don’t think there’s anything for you to worry about”  
He starts to reset the computer for the next initiate and I get up to leave. I’m almost at the door when he speaks again.  
“And I apologise again for our discussion just before, it was unprofessional for me to say anything about it”   
“Eric just…” He stops himself, “It doesn’t matter. I won’t let my personal issues interfere with training again”  
“No, it’s fine. I didn’t even know any of the leaders had even spoken to Eric”  
“I’ll make sure they reprimand him appropriately” Four sounds like he’s making a promise, “Harleys a good kid”  
I let myself out of the room before my blush can spread.  
All I want is to visit Harley again, just so I can begin to explain and amend what I’d done; but he’d insisted we wait until he’s back in a work setting, that way we wouldn’t be breaking any rules.  
I had at least an hour until Mitch and Nellie finished up with Four; I decided to clear my mind with a walk.  
I had the sudden urge to be in the sunlight so I headed up to the ground level entrance.  
Even as I pushed through the heavy steel doors, the light hit my skin and I instantly felt myself relax; breathing in the fresh air of a lovely afternoon.  
The Dauntless guard hardly even looked at me before he turned his focus back to lighting his cigarette.  
I made my way up the road, bordered by the tall, redbrick buildings. I knew that this route would take me directly to the common area where my old school was; a taste of home and normalcy is exactly what I needed right now.  
I passed by a few Dauntless just before the border of the territory, none seemed as glad to be outside as I was; they just looked busy.  
The first indication that I’d crossed into the common area line was the abrupt presence of greenery.  
Grass grew excessively on the land between the roads and paths, and thriving trees threw shade across the scene.  
The day was warm so I was grateful for my choice of a sleeveless shirt this morning.  
Across the way from me, I watched two Erudite men, deep in discussion as they fast walked down the sidewalk; ahead of me two, younger Candor women laughed as they carried paper bags of food.  
I’d missed people watching; I missed the diversity of the five factions mixed together.  
I missed my parents; and Sonia.   
Just being in this place made me feel as if I’d been away forever.  
I decided to return back to Dauntless, to my home, before anybody noticed my absence.  
I took one more deep breath of green air before I stepped back over the darkened border line.  
When I was almost at the compound entrance, a low rumble from the road behind me caught my attention.  
Turning, I saw two of the heavy duty, iron trucks pulling up to the front doors.  
I kept walking as I watched the trucks doors open and the Dauntless start climbing out onto the footpath.  
By the time I recognized some of the leaders and figured out they must have been off doing government things, Eric steps down.  
At first he doesn’t see me. He looks as stern as ever with his head high and a gun strapped to his hip; his hair turns to a whole different blonde in the sunlight.  
I can’t stop myself from watching as another leader says something and he responds authoritively. He looks completely in his element with his eyebrows furrowed and his power in his stance.  
It’s only as I reach the compound door that he glances toward me and we lock eyes for a moment’ his expression is indifferent, before he resumes the conversation around him; merging right back into his hostile Leader role.  
That night’s sleep was a restless one, I just couldn’t get Eric and Harley out of my mind; tomorrow was the day I’d have to change everything and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t make a rational decision.  
Harley was lovely, the perfect guy to be honest. He was cute and dorky; he made me laugh all the time, he was romantic, well-liked and he was passionate about his job. He was the logical decision, the smart one; the decision to let Eric go and be happy with the guy that was happy with me.  
Then there was Eric, the opposite; indecisive, distant, then suddenly completely faultless. I didn’t know if I could trust him to be there even if I did choose him; what if I gave him everything I had and he disappeared again? Was it even possible?  
If the stakes were so high, why couldn’t I still make the choice?


	25. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be back at work in two days :( So my posting speed may slow!  
> Hopefully I can muster enough imagination for one more chapter tomorrow.
> 
> Thank you for reading x

The next morning I sat quietly through breakfast, picking at my toast and half-listening to Nellie gossip with Viv and Rue.  
“So apparently it’s already been reported it to Max and now they’re both on report!” Rue gushes.  
“I heard they dropped him to the lowest ranking, and now he doesn’t even know if he’ll make the cut” Viv says conspiratorially.  
“What’s this about?” I ask, joining the conversation for the first time.  
“Well” Nellie laces her fingers together eagerly, “You know Zane? One of the Dauntless initiates?”  
I nod; he’d been on my war games team.  
“Well apparently their instructor Ash caught him in the training room after curfew last night, getting er… quite cosy with a lady” she raises her eyebrows.  
“Oh” is all I can think of to say. It was all well and good for them to be punished, but on report?  
“Yeah, and that’s not even the worst part. She’s four years older than him!” Viv exclaims.  
“Well, she’s twenty and he’s almost seventeen” Rue adds.  
“Still!” Nellie scoffs.  
I didn’t even need to fake my surprise; so there was a rule against initiate/dependant relationships.  
“So what’ll happen to them now?” I ask.  
“Well they’re both under review; looking at how long it’s been going on for and stuff” Rue says matter-of-factly.  
“I heard she’s already lost her job at the Tavern”  
“Could you imagine getting your rank docked this far in? I’d just die!”  
“And with someone so old, too!”  
The three girls chattered away while I sat consumed with how close and serious my own situation was.  
I’d wanted to tell Nellie about Eric since I first saw him standing on the edge of the building after we’d just jumped from the train. For such a long time it had just always been too complicated to talk about but now after hearing her judgements about Zane; I don’t know if I ever could.  
Especially with the choices I had to face, having someone to talk it over with would have made a world of difference; I don’t know if I was strong enough to do it on my own.  
Four didn’t even have to call my name in simulation training anymore; we all knew our order and just flowed through it.  
He seemed in better spirits this morning; whether that meant there were any more developments with Harley or just because he had a better handle on his work to personal life.  
It was becoming very routine and before I knew it, the serum was injected and I closed my eyes.  
I stood in absolute darkness, I couldn’t even see my hands in front of me; but I could tell the exact model of handgun that was fitted perfectly in my right palm, trigger at the ready.  
I listened intently over the sound of my own breathing for whatever fear I had waiting for me to spring out and attack me; but instead, a lone spotlight flicked on above me.  
I had to squint against the sharp brightness of it.  
It was then I felt the cold, undeniable barrel of a gun press into the back of my skull; the hammer clicked back.  
“Choose”  
A male’s voice demanded.  
I didn’t dare turn around or even move a muscle under the threat of the aimed weapon.  
“Choose who dies or you’ll take their place”  
As soon as the words leave his lips, two more spotlights come on.  
An anguished sob escapes me as I see who stands opposite me.  
On my left stands Sonia. Her hands bound by plastic cuffs as she looks at me despairingly, tear streaks down her cheeks.  
On my right stands Eric. His hands also bound but where Sonia displayed fear, he showed defiance; his chin held high as his eyes met mine intently.  
“Shoot one, or you’ll be the one to die” the calm voice threatens as the barrel presses harder against my skin.  
“I can’t!” I cry, as my eyes flicker between the two in front of me.  
A hand connected to the voice reaches forward and forces me to raise my weapon.  
“Please don’t make me!”  
“You have until the count of three” the voice says sternly, “One”  
I let out another whimper, the gun heavy in my hand.  
“Two”  
I stare at both of their faces, faces I love; faces I would die for.  
“I won’t do it” I shout and with my last seconds I look toward Eric.  
“I’m sorry” I choke.  
“Three”  
The shot rings out and I can feel myself crumple to the floor, everything fades.  
When I wake up in the chair, my tears are still fresh on my cheeks.  
I sit myself up ready for Fours usual feedback; but instead of turning toward me, his eyes stay fixed on the screen as he frowns at the results.  
“How did I do?” I asked after what felt like a lifetime of silence.  
“Good” he said distractedly. He turned to face me, his eyebrows furrowed stressfully.  
“Amy… Why didn’t you shoot?”  
“Hmm?” I have no idea why he’s behaving so strangely.  
“You were given two options and instead of choosing between them, you surrendered yourself”  
“Was that the wrong thing to do?”  
“No… no, it… it takes bravery to make that kind of sacrifice. What I don’t understand Amy, is how you couldn’t have made that decision?”  
“I don’t know” I shrug.  
Four watched me suspiciously for a few seconds before he nodded towards the door, indicating for me to leave and send the next initiate in.  
I got out of there as quickly as I could, hoping Four wouldn’t hold on to what he’d seen me do in an attempt to save a certain leader, during my landscape.  
Walking alone back to the dormitory after I was too tired to sit any longer at the dinner table, I passed by the tattoo shop. It was closed, its windows dark; but it drew my mind to Harley. I just wished I could see him.   
Apparently he was released early this morning but with a few days off work, he’d just be resting. I could have visited him at his apartment but the threat of Eric and the too-close-for-comfort situation with Zane makes me reconsider.  
The hallways are practically deserted; dinner was serious business to the Dauntless and a lot of them usually hung around well after the food was gone.  
I was thinking about how good it was going to feel to have a full nights’ sleep, when I heard another set of footsteps echoing my own.  
I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up and I was just about to spin around defensively when Eric’s huge shoulder caught up beside me.  
I sighed in relief.  
“Keep walking” he mumbles, eyes still fixed ahead.  
“I need to talk to you” I say, following suit with my eyes forward.  
“Not here” He glances over his shoulder calmly.  
“Follow me” he crosses in front of me and starts up the corridor toward his place.  
I look up and down the corridor before following.  
There was a real tension in the air as we made our way through the apartment corridors, knowing at any second someone could come out of their front doors or turn the corners toward us; but thankfully we didn’t see a soul.  
It was only after we stepped through the threshold of his apartment that I felt like I could breathe again.  
Eric hadn’t said a word since the corridor; he shrugs out of his vest and hooks it on the coat rack.  
“What did you need to speak to me about?” he asks over his shoulder as he gets a beer out of the fridge; he motions to me to offer me one but I shake my head.  
“Well, two things actually” I sigh.  
His face is unreadable.  
“Firstly, did you know about Zane?”  
Eric nods sombrely.  
“I was in the meeting with Stryker this morning. She’s in a lot of trouble”   
“And Zane?”  
“Less so” he takes a swig from his bottle, “The initiate will be disciplined, but it’s her that will really bear the consequences”  
“Why? They both knew”  
“Stryker’s old enough to know that what she was doing was inappropriate and the council deemed that she didn’t do enough to end it” Eric sighs and his eyes drop from mine.   
I know exactly what he’s thinking because it’s the same thing I am; that we’re almost exactly in their shoes.  
“She was suspended from her job this morning and we’ve been instructed to observe her interactions with the initiates from now on”  
There was a silence, the weight of the situation on our shoulders.  
“What will we do?” I ask quietly, his eyes yet to find mine again.  
“I haven’t figured that out yet, Amelia” he says grimly.  
“You were in my fear landscape today” I say suddenly.  
This transformed him completely; his head snaps up and his expression is solemn.  
“What?”  
“You were there. I had to choose… I had to shoot someone. There was Sonia- you remember Sonia?”  
He gestured for me to hurry up and continue.  
“Sonia and you, and I couldn’t do it”  
He moves around the table and comes to stand in front of me.  
“Amelia, I need you to tell me every detail”  
When I finish he rubs at the back of his neck agitatedly.  
“Was Four supervising over the monitor?”  
I nod and Eric slams hit fist down on the counter top.  
“Fuck” he mutters.  
He notices the fear in my eyes.  
“It’s fine, it wasn’t your fault” he retrieves his beer and drinks, “Hopefully Four keeps his nose out of this”  
I chew on my lip while Eric paces the kitchen restlessly. I knew he was just as concerned with Four pursuing my questionable-looking landscape results as I had been when I left the simulation room earlier today.  
“Keep your head down for the next few days” he says suddenly; “I’ll monitor the situation with Four… I’ll make this disappear Amelia”  
I smiled at him and he returns it with his own crooked one.  
“I suppose that means I won’t be staying over again for a while” I say with a small laugh.  
“More or less” he snorts.  
Our moment of normalcy was shattered by a sharp knock on the door.  
I look at Eric wide eyed and watch his face cloud over.  
“The bathroom” he murmurs, “Go. And don’t come out until I come to get you”  
I nod and scamper away to the bathroom as quietly as I can.


	26. Out of the Fire

I crouched in the dark bathroom; the crack of light through the partly open door was the only view I had of the rest of the apartment.  
I watched as Eric opened the front door, but his back blocked me from seeing whoever stood outside.  
“What?” he asked curtly.  
“I need to have a word with you” A male’s voice says.  
“I’ve been hearing that a lot today” Eric says snidely.  
“I couldn’t find you after my class today; or in the dining hall”  
“Well, my office opens at eight tomorrow morning”  
Eric goes to close the door but an outshot hand keeps it open.  
“I need to speak to you now”  
He sighs and gestures for the visitor to enter.  
I feel my heart sink; past Eric, Four steps into the apartment.  
“Fine,” I hear the clink of Eric’s beer bottle being placed on the bench top.  
“What do you want, Stiff?”  
Four stares back at him scathingly.  
“I saw something strange in an initiate’s simulation today”   
“And it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”  
“She saw you” Fours brow was creased together seriously.  
Eric scoffs.  
“It’s a fear landscape; lots of initiates probably see me.”  
Four responds with a cynical look before continuing.  
“The initiate, Amy, was running through a normal ‘kill or be killed’ scenario; but when the simulation forced the images of her choices, one was a girl I’ve never seen before… and one was you”  
There was a pause before Eric, nonchalantly, speaks again.  
“So?”  
“She chose to die rather than shoot either of you: which was unusual. The girl was in Erudite clothing, I assume she’s a childhood friend, a relative; but it was the fact that she didn’t eliminate you, as just one of her instructors, was what struck me as odd”

“Did you stop to think that maybe she was just being brave enough to protect the girl depicting her past and a randomly generated figure that represents her current faction? That’s an awfully courageous response don’t you think? Definitely not something that warrants you turning up at my door”   
“I just can’t understand why the simulation used your image. She was from Erudite, wasn’t she? Surely you must remember her from before you transferred” Four says thoughtfully.  
“I remember nothing” Eric says darkly.  
There was a pause where I could see Four eyeing Eric incredulously.  
“I think it’s time for you to leave”  
Eric comes into view again as he moves broad-shoulders toward Four.  
“And if you need assistance interpreting the initiate’s landscapes in the future, I’ll be happy to send you someone to help” I could hear the sneer in Eric’s voice as he edges Four back towards to the door.  
“Continue to observe her simulations if you wish; but if you find any more ‘discrepancies’ I want them reported immediately to me”  
Over Eric’s shoulder I see Four respond with a curt nod before he lets himself out of the apartment.  
Eric stares at the door for a moment, his shoulders rising and falling with each deep breath.  
“You can come out now” He says over his shoulder.  
When I emerge from the bathroom his face is strained.  
“He’s not going to let this go” He mutters, agitatedly running his hand through his hair, “He thinks he’s on to something… might be the first time he’s ever been right about anything  
I can’t speak; to see him this anxious and not at all like his usual controlled self, struck fear right through me.  
“I’ll fucking kill him”  
He slams his fist down onto the bench and I jump again.  
“Amelia” he groans, rubbing at his temples aggravatedly.  
“What are we going to do” I can barely manage a whisper.  
He finally meets my eyes; I watch his shoulders shift as he sighs before crossing the room to where I stand frozen.  
Even before his hands come to rest on my shoulders, I know exactly what he’s going to say.  
“We need to stay apart for a while” his steely gaze is pained, “Completely disconnected; just until Four stops asking questions and the whole Stryker situation dies down”  
He’s pushing me away again, just like he used to before everything had changed; and it hurt.  
“There’s just too much going around right now, too much tension; everyone’s on edge. If any of this comes to the attention of Max and the others… even the fact that I used to live next door to you could compromise everything”  
I was struggling to meet his eyes, every word out of his mouth felt like another mile of distance between us.  
“You understand, don’t you Amelia?”  
With his hand he tilts my chin upwards so that my gaze is level with his.  
“Things are changing around here” He says so quietly it’s almost a whisper, “For all of us. The leadership, it’s… I can’t protect you if I’m not in control”  
I can tell he’s saying something significant; I give him a small nod even though I can’t even begin to understand what he means.  
“It’s just until everything calms down; you’re not too far from graduating and right now what you need most is a competent instructor and a mentor”  
At least I wouldn’t be completely restricted from seeing him.  
“And I need you to keep me strong in this decision; distance yourself from me. You know being around you impairs my judgement”  
His lips twitched briefly at the last part.  
“It’s late, you should head back to the dormitory” he sighs.  
“Okay” I stare at him, knowing it’ll be the last time I see him without his guards up for a while.  
He pulls me toward him for one last kiss; it feels like a goodbye. I squeeze my arms around his shoulders before bringing myself to let him go.  
“I’ll see you in training, Amelia” he says softly.   
Eric checks the corridor outside before I step out of the apartment; the hollow click of the door closing behind me like the final blow in this emotional night.  
I didn’t know what time it was, I hadn’t been able to keep track with everything else going on and all the feelings that flooded through me.  
I had just turned the corner that lead to the dormitory when I noticed a figure leaning against the hallway.  
My heart skipped a beat thinking it was a Dauntless leader or even Four himself, guarding the initiates bedroom; had they heightened security after the Zane incident?  
I kept my pace calm and controlled as I grew closer to the figure but when they turned toward me I let out a relieved sigh.  
“Mitch!” I breathed, “You scared me half to death!”  
His face remained blank as I made my way to his side.  
“It took you…” he holds his watch out in front of him, “almost two hours to get from the cafeteria to here”  
“I went for a walk” I shrugged.  
“A walk” he raises an eyebrow, “Amy-Doll, where have you been? And don’t say to visit Harley because I checked in with Li an hour ago”  
I opened my mouth but I couldn’t think of a believable excuse.  
“You’ve been disappearing a lot lately and I’m worried; I’m worried you’re in trouble and I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you while I knew nothing”  
“I’m not… I can’t talk about it”  
“Try” he says imploringly.   
I stare at my feet; I can’t tell anyone about this, even though every cell in my body is screaming to share the burden, to explain everything I’m feeling and for support.  
“Can we talk about this somewhere else?”  
He nods understandingly and leads me toward the fire escape exit.  
The cool breeze helps to settle my nerves as we step out onto the iron platform.  
Mitch picks up his packet of cigarettes from their hiding place by a window sill; he offers them in my direction and for a second I even consider accepting.  
“No, I’m fine” I mutter as he sits himself down on the stars; the glow of the match illuminating his face.  
“Are you in trouble Amy?” he asks.  
“I don’t think so” I say, meeting his eyes.  
“You can tell me anything, you know I’ll be there for you”  
I nod solemnly.  
“It’s a long story”   
“Start from the beginning” I can see his encouraging smile through the darkness.  
So I told him everything. I told him about our neighbouring houses and the quiet, sandy-haired boy you’d hardly even notice; I told him about the first time he’d sat beside me on the train and how he was the only one who used my full name.  
I explained that entire week, all of it; every last detail down to the tiny pebbles and waking up alone in the glow of the sunrise.  
Mitch listened intently, his eyebrows furrowed not in judgement but unwavering concentration.  
“I had no idea where he transferred to” I continue, “he never told me anything; I only discovered he was here when I first saw him on that rooftop”  
“And since?” Mitch asks.  
Now for the potentially dangerous part.  
“At first I thought he didn’t recognize me, all through training it was almost like he looked right through me. It was only a few weeks into combat training when I couldn’t sleep one night so I went for a walk to clear my head”  
It was almost strange to see Mitch so quiet; he leant forward with his elbows on his knees as the haze of his cigarette smoke swirled between us.  
“And I found him drunk in a corridor; he called me ‘Amelia’ and I helped him up to his apartment”  
Mitch raised an eyebrow.  
“No it was nothing like that; he couldn’t even unlock his front door. But I accidentally fell asleep on his sofa”  
“So that was the first night you disappeared?” Mitch asks.  
I nod.  
“That’s not that bad!” Mitch laughs, “I mean, you only slept on his couch and it was an acciden… Oh you’re about to tell me it wasn’t the only time, aren’t you?”  
I took a deep breath before recounting everything that happened from the private tutoring, to him pushing me away, to the incident with Harley, all the way up to when he’d asked me to stay.  
“Eric? Really? You spent the night with him in his bed? I always thought he slept upside down or something!”  
I had to smile; Mitch was being surprisingly easy to talk to about all this, but I wasn’t even finished.  
After I’d blurted out the details of my fear landscape and the run-in with Four at Eric’s apartment, I felt an immense wave of relief.  
But Mitch’s expression had transformed into something more concerned.  
“Oh Amy-Doll, what kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into?”


	27. Knifes Edge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for how long this took!   
> I've been at work all the time and have had no internet for days!  
> Hope you guys enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> as always, I'd love to hear any thoughts, feedback, questions etc because they make me so happy.  
> x

Mitch agreed that we didn’t need to burden Nellie with my situation; he said she might misinterpret the facts and potentially make it more dangerous for me.  
That night I slept restlessly, still unsure that divulging to Mitch had been the right thing to do. He seemed supportive enough but Eric had been my own private burden for so long that telling someone about it somehow felt like a mistake.  
The next morning a whole new nervousness settled upon me; will Four say anything when I’ll be alone with him in my simulation? Or even worse, what if Eric resurfaced in my landscape?  
At breakfast I tried to focus on everything I could ever be scared of, in an attempt to bring flames and rushing water to the forefront of my mind.  
“Doing anything after class today?” Nellie’s voice brings me back to earth.  
“You should go visit Harley” Mitch joins in, “It’s his first day back”  
“I probably shouldn’t; not with the rules” I shrug; in truth I was kind of excited _and_ dreading my first run in with Harley, what with the guilt and all.  
“Nah, just as a friend” Mitch continues, “I’m sure he’d be dying to see you”  
I respond with a noncommittal nod.  
Later on, Four enters the training room, with the same stormy expression he wore the day after the Harley incident on his face.  
I stand and follow him into the small room.  
“Take a seat” he mumbles, heading straight to the monitor.  
I sit myself down and lean back into the headrest.  
After a moment, he turns to me with a furrowed brow.  
“Amy, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about yesterday’s landscape”  
My blood runs cold.  
“What about it?”  
“Well, the visualizations in your simulation weren’t as… characteristic as expected. Most initiates see a set of parents or, you know, brothers and sisters; older Dauntless that run the same simulation often see their partners or their children”  
I stare back at him blankly.  
“What I’m trying to say is that the figures are usually those of high emotional importance to the subject, important enough to invoke the very kind of bravery that you showed yesterday”  
“Okay…” I frowned.  
“You saw an Erudite girl, which was understandable, but Amy…” he looks like he’s having trouble finding the right words, “What I just can’t understand is why on earth you saw Eric?”  
He looks at me almost disbelievingly.  
“I don’t know” I shrug, “I don’t have any control over my visualizations, do I?”  
“No, the simulation isn’t designed to allow it; but Amy I have to ask is there any connection between the two of you besides being an initiate and supervising instructor?”  
I shook my head in a convincingly dumfounded way, but Four’s gaze remained persistent.  
“You don’t remember him from your old faction? Anything at all?”  
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t know why he was in my simulation either”  
“Then why didn’t you kill him to save yourself?”  
“It just felt like the right thing to do” I shrug, hoping Four was almost finished.  
“Look,” Four’s expression grew serious. “I know what Eric’s like and I’ worried about you Amy. If he’s promised you anything… if he’s threatened you…”  
“No! It’s absolutely nothing like that!” I dismiss all truth with raised palms.  
“Are you sure? You know you can tell me about anything and as your instructor it will remain completely confidential. If he’s done anything to make you feel helpless or obligated I will make sure that he leaves you alone”  
His eyes scream sincerity as he waits for me to take him up on the offer immediately.  
“If anything happens I’ll let you know” I respond in the most honest tone I can muster.  
He nods and his serious brown eyes scan me for a second longer before he turns back to the monitor.  
I let out a silent sigh of relief; though Four has suspicions about Eric and I, he seems intent that it’s Eric blackmailing or threatening me. I felt like we had a better chance of not being discovered with Fours theories being so far from the truth.  
“Alright Amy,” Four turns back to me and begins fixing the electrodes to my wrist and temples, “Are you ready?”  
I’m so used to the simulation serum that I hardly even register myself slip under.  
The room suddenly plunged into pitch darkness, as though all the power to the ceiling lights and computer monitors had been switched off at once.  
I could still feel the tough leather of the chair beneath me.  
“Four?”  
I attempt to sit up but realize my arms are bound to the chair at the wrists and shoulders.  
“Four!” I try to move my legs but I can feel identical straps holding my ankles.  
“What is your name?”  
A deep voice asks through the darkness.  
“Who are you?” I ask, suddenly still.  
“What is your name?” the voice repeats.  
I don’t recognize it.  
I open my mouth to respond when I hear it.  
_“Don’t tell them anything”_  
It’s another voice but it’s not coming from the darkness, it’s inside my head; it’s my mothers.  
_They can’t know anything”_  
A bright spotlight above me flickers on and I can see for the first time the heavy leather restraints that bind my hands.  
“I’ll ask you one more time” the deep voice sounds irritated, “What is your name”  
I say nothing.  
Suddenly there’s a flash of movement to my right and before I can react, a searing pain splits across the skin below my shoulder.  
I gasp; I know I’ve been cut with something sharp even before I feel the trickle of blood trail down my arm. The wound is clean and precise, a deep horizontal slash in my pale skin.  
“What do you want?!” I demand, staring into the darkness around me.  
“What is your name”  
“Nellie” I say far too quickly.  
“You lie” the voice growls.  
The same burning pain tears through my left arm and I howl; the sting bringing involuntary tears to my eyes.  
_“I’m so proud of you Amy, keep fighting!”_ my mothers’ loving voice momentarily eased the pain.  
“What faction did you transfer from?” the voice asks.  
The throbbing in my shoulders urged me to tell the truth.  
“Amity” I breathe.  
This time I see the blade; clasped in a shadowy hand, it whips into the light in front of me before slicing deep into my thigh. The sting was more agonizing than the first two combined, and with gritted teeth I watched as the blood rose to the surface and started to soak through the black fabric of my pants.  
_“Stay strong Amy”_ My mother urged as tears burned down my cheeks.  
“What faction did you transfer from?”  
“Erudite!” my voice came out as a sob.  
“That’s better” the voice said snidely.  
“Now, what is your biggest secret? What are you hiding?”  
My heart stopped.  
_“Whatever you do, stay strong”_ my mother pleaded.  
“No!” I shook my head.  
Two swift knife blows land on the other leg, just as deep as the last.  
I feel myself convulse and I scream through my teeth.  
“Tell me”  
“NO!”  
I see the blade for the second time as the shadowy hand carves it slowly across the back of my hand; my blood spills freely through the grooves of my knuckles and my head spins.  
_“Amy”_ my mother whispers encouragingly.  
“I’ll never tell you… you’ll have to kill me”  
A dark chuckle echoes around me.  
“Then we will”  
Strong, cold hands from behind me grab at my chin, another digs its fingers into my shoulder.  
I grit my teeth.  
_“Amy”_ my mother’s whisper grows fainter, _“So proud”_  
I feel the cool edge of the blade come to rest against my exposed throat and my breath hitches.  
_“Be brave sweetheart”_  
I squeeze my eyes shut and brace myself; but before I feel anything, Four is shaking me awake.  
The harsh ceiling lights burn at my eyes and for a moment I feel like I’m still trapped in that spotlight.  
“Amy?” Four says quietly as I take a moment to catch my breath.  
I sit up, relishing the feeling of my freed hands and I run my fingertips over my thigh where just a few moments ago, my own blood had been flowing; but the fabric wasn’t torn and the skin felt untouched.  
“I’m still not good at waking back up again” I sigh and rub at my eyes.  
Four snorts a small laugh.  
“None of you are”  
He unplugs my electrode cables and allows me to leave; though the uncertainty in his eyes follows me until I’m well and truly out of the room.  
The compound is quiet and with a resigned sigh, I decide there’s no better time for me to visit Harley; not to fall to my knees and admit everything that had happened to him had been my fault or confess everything about Eric and I, but just to see him and to know that he was okay.  
From the outside, the tattoo parlour looked relatively empty; I pushed through the front door and was overwhelmed with the familiar smell of disinfectant and ink.  
Li stood at the front counter reading an appointment book, his long beard brushed the pages as he leant over them. The sound of the door closing behind me made him look up; he gave me a warm smile.  
“Was wondering when you’d drop by!”  
“Hey Li” I couldn’t help my eyes from wandering around the store. “I heard Harley was back”  
“He sure is thank god!” Li laughed, “We were out of control without him; he’s in his cubical Amy, head on back”  
I smile gratefully and head further into the shop.  
When I looked around the corner into Harley’s workspace, all I saw at first was a long legged, blonde on their stomach while Harley hunched over the end of the chair working a rose design onto one of the only bare patches of their calf.  
Without meaning to, I must have let out a small noise because Harley’s head snapped up. His face split into a huge smile when he saw me.  
“Hey there!”  
“Sorry, I’ll come back, I didn’t realize you were with someone” my eyes travelled back to the figure in the chair.  
“Pfft don’t worry, its only Archer” Harley snorts.  
“Only Archer?!” his client tried to turn towards his artist from his position on his front; Archer looked very effeminate from the back.  
“Do I mean so little to you? Is this always how you refer to me in front of pretty girls?!” Archer scoffs.  
“Oh you know what I mean, now sit still or I’ll tattoo my own name under this instead of your mothers” Harley laughed.  
Archer let out a dramatic sigh before resting his head back on his arms.  
“Sit down if you’d like” Harley nods at a corner chair as he wipes the smudged ink around his tattoo, “I was hoping you’d drop by soon, seeing as I can’t actively seek you out without getting beat”  
I felt a rush of guilt and I sit myself down.  
I watch him work for a moment; his brows furrowed behind his glasses frames as strand of rebellious hair brushed against his anchor tattoo, his slender fingers even more pronounced in the black latex gloves.  
“How are you feeling?” I finally ask.  
“Oh way better, I still have the rib bandage but at least I can sit and stand without wanting to puke” he chuckles.  
“I really am sorry” I say.  
“Amy, I stand by what I said while heavily drugged, it wasn’t your fault; Eric’s well-known for his power trips”  
“Notorious” Archer mumbled from his resting position.  
“All I’m saying is, it’s not like you told him about it or anything; I spoke to him at the tavern while we were there, it’s much more my fault than it is yours”  
I bite my lip and say nothing.  
“We can still be friends though, and I swear I won’t get in the way of your initiate training”  
“He’s going to wait until you graduate” Archer adds.  
Harley must have pushed the needle deeper because Archer yelps.  
“Ouch! Dude!?”  
“Sorry about that” Harley mutters sarcastically.  
I laugh.  
“So I was thinking about getting some more tattoos” I say.  
“Really? What are you thinking?” Harley asks.  
“I’m not sure, just something as nice as the last one”  
“We’ll have to book in a consultation so we can chat about it sometime soon” Harley glances up from his work and smiles; it’s the same smile as always, genuine and warm. It makes my heart melt.  
“When are you free?”  
“I’m pretty backlogged from my time off but I’m sure I can find you something”  
“Sounds perfect!” I say and stand up, “well I’d best leave you to it!”  
“I’ll let you know as soon as I get a chance to look at the books” Harley turns to me.  
“And Amy, thanks for dropping by” he smiles again and I feel my cheeks flush.  
As soon as I step out into the hallway I hear a muffled voice, a thud and Harley mutter “Fuck off Archer!”  
I can’t help but feel the familiar wash of undisputable happiness that comes over me every time I’m around him; for the first time in what felt like forever, I feel myself smile.


	28. Forget

“So?” Nellie plonks herself down onto the cafeteria bench beside me, “Did you go and see Harley?”  
My two friends had finished their simulations and had come down to find me halfway through dinner.  
I nod with my mouth still full of food.  
“How was he?” Mitch asks.  
“He was fine, still bandaged up, but all his bruises have faded”  
“I hope you made plans to see him again” Nellie raised her eyebrows pointedly.  
“Of course I did” I laughed, “But not like a date or anything, I’m going to book in for another tattoo”  
“Sweet” Mitch grins, “He’ll totally wait for you to finish initiation; that boy’s smitten”  
I feel myself blush again as I remember Archer using those exact same words.  
Nellie aww’d and I pulled a face at her just as a procession of people walking through the cafeteria doors caught my attention.  
My ability to distinguish Eric in a crowd still surprised me; he walked at Max’s side, his computer tablet under his arm as he listens intently to the other leaders words.   
I realize I’m staring when I’m not supposed to be but before I can drop my gaze, Eric’s eyes flicker towards me.  
They connect with mine for just a second before he turns away again; but not quick enough that I didn’t see something gentler, something sadder, momentarily cloud his steely composure.  
I force myself to return to the conversation with Nellie and Mitch; pushing the pained thoughts aside.  
On our way back to the dormitory that night, Nellie carried on ahead with Viv while Mitch and I walked in silence.  
It wasn’t until we reached the dormitory hallway that he spoke.  
“Want to stop by the fire escape first?” he asks.  
I nod and followed him up the side corridor and out onto the metal landing.  
Mitch instantly lights a cigarette and turns to me.  
“Anything weird happen in your landscape today?”  
I explained in detail my simulation; the spotlight, the voices, and my mothers’ whisper in my head. By the time I’d gotten to the part where it was demanded I reveal my secret, Mitch’s eyebrows had folded together.  
“Did Four say anything?”  
“No, not afterwards; but before my simulation he did confront me about seeing Eric the other time” I said, “He’s still really confused by it and keeps asking if there’s any connection that I know about; he thinks Eric’s threatening or blackmailing me”  
Mitch snorts.  
“Well of course! I mean, how much more likely is that theory instead of you spending nights in his apartment with him!” he laughs.  
“Mitch-“  
“I know! I know it’s not like that, but you can see how that would come across as unexpected right?”  
I shoot him a dirty look.  
“Sorry Doll” he grins behind a plume of his smoke.  
“I’ve just got to hope that he doesn’t show up in another landscape any time soon, especially in our final exam simulation” I sigh, “At least I don’t have to see him for a while”  
“Don’t know about that!” Mitch snorts.  
I frown.   
“We’ve got that career day next week, where we get taken around to see all the job roles? Eric’s heading that fun little tour”  
I groan. “Is he really?”  
“Uh-huh” Mitch stubs his cigarette out with the toe of his boot, “A whole day”  
“This just keeps getting better”  
Saturday morning in the dormitory was a completely different atmosphere than during the week; though I woke at my usual hour, I allowed myself to close my eyes again as I listened to half of the initiates drag themselves down to breakfast and the other half continue to snore.  
When I finally open them again, it’s only because a tired-looking Viv is shaking my arm.  
“Amy” she mumbles, “That Harley’s here, he’s asking for you”  
I sit up and rub at my eyes; what was he doing here? Was he trying to get us in trouble?  
I throw my legs out of bed and, ensuring the hem of my shirt covered everything I needed it to, headed to the door.  
When I pulled it open, Harley stood just outside; to my dismay a flash of unfamiliarity appears on his face before he smiles.  
“Oh hey!”  
“Do I really look that bad?” I cringe, realizing I hadn’t even thought about what I must look like right now.  
“No not at all! I just… does your hair do that every morning or have you just wrestled a bear?” he laughs.  
“Oh very funny” I say sarcastically and he grins.  
“So what was so important that I needed to be woken up?” I folded my arms.  
“Were you asleep?” Harleys checks his watch, “Amy it’s like nine-thirty”  
“It’s also Saturday” I raise an eyebrow and he smiles bashfully.  
“I couldn’t find you at breakfast and Mitch said you might still be here; thought I’d let you know I've had a spot open up for a consultation tonight”  
“Oh great! Yeah I’d love to” I felt myself blush at the thought of spending more time with him, “When?”  
“Say seven-thirty?”   
“Isn’t that what time you close?” I laugh.  
“Well, technically” his nose wrinkles with his cheeky smile.  
“Wont that get you in trouble?”  
“Pfft!” Harley snorts, feigning indignance, “If I want to spend my free time trying to persuade as many credits out of clients as I can, then that’s my own business!”  
I laugh.  
“I’ll let you get back to bed now… or the bear”  
I shove his shoulder.  
“Hey! You were the one who came all the way here to find me!”  
“And I’d do it again!” he winks, “See you tonight”  
Before I can formulate a response, he turns on his heel and starts back down the hallway.  
I had to smile, there was something about Harley that filled my stomach with butterflies but also put me completely at ease.  
When I went back into the dormitory, Nellie turned to me from her bunk.  
“Viv and I are going shopping and I’m getting another piercing; want to join!”  
“Sure” I say.  
“Perfect” Nellie claps her hands together, “Get dressed! Maybe fix your hair first”  
I stick my tongue out at her before finding some clean clothes.  
Not long after, the three of us are down in the Pit eyeing the shopfronts as we deliberate where to begin.  
“I need a new jacket” Viv says.  
“Me too” Nellie nods toward the tattoo parlour, “But maybe earring first before I chicken out”  
Her jokes aside, a newfound confidence had come over Nellie; since the beginning of Stage Two she’d shifted up into the top ten rankings. I think to her todays shopping expedition was both a reward and a celebration that she’d almost cemented herself into graduating as a full Dauntless in a few weeks.  
We decided on piercings first; Viv wasn’t influenced by Nellies enthusiasm and decided to just watch her instead.  
We stepped through into the shop.  
Instead of the familiar burly figure leaning over the front desk, today it was Harley perched at the edge of the stool, taking up far less room than Li normally did and making the desk seem massive.  
He glanced up at the sound of the door and smiled once he saw me.  
“It’s not that late already is it?” he glanced at his watch puzzled.  
“We’re here on other business” I laugh.  
“Oh good! Well, Li’s on lunch so, for the next thirty minutes anyway, good day ladies and welcome to my establishment!” he gestures around the store, “What can I do for you!”  
Nellie begins to explain the earring she wants and I watch Harley in full-professional mode as he nods and points out different piercing locations and jewellery types.  
“Meg’s free now if you’d like” he explains, “I’ll grab her for you”  
Swiftly he’s away from the desk and returns with a black-haired Dauntless woman. She looked like she boasted the entire catalogue of piercing jewellery on her face alone, her cheeks and lips pulled taut as she smiled warmly at Nellie.  
“Have fun” Harley grins as Nellie follows her to one of the back booths.  
Viv occupies herself with the walls of tattoo templates as Harleys attention turns back to me.  
“And for you?”  
“Oh I’m just here for support!” I hold my hands up.  
“Are you sure?” he raises an eyebrow, “You can only get a piercing, because we both know your tattooist is busy until close”  
“I’ve never even thought about it, I don’t think they’d suit me” I laugh.  
“I think anything would suit you Amy” he says quietly.  
We watch each other for a moment.  
“Okay then, Mister Shop Owner” I lean over the counter, “What would you recommend?”  
He smiles, “You really want my opinion?”  
I shrug.  
“Well okay then!” he picks up a small mirror and steps around the counter towards me.  
“May I?” he asks, holding up a marker pen to my face.  
I nod, feeling myself tense up at how quickly he’d gotten so close.  
He pushes his glasses up his nose and lifts his hand to steady my chin. My breath hitched and I hoped he didn’t notice.  
His eyebrows were pulled together in concentration as I felt the cool tip of the pen dot softly above the bow of my top lip.  
He stands back and examines his placement before smiling and lifting the small mirror in front of me.  
“What do you think?”  
I took in my reflection; far too bland and pale to be deserving of the look Harley was giving me right now; but I pushed those thoughts aside to the dainty ink spot that sat perfectly centred over my lip.  
“I like it!” I say finally.  
“You’re not just saying that to spare my feelings?” Harley laughs.  
“No! Not at all!”  
“I think it would suit you. It’s a Philtrum piercing, it’s symmetrical so it doesn’t crowd the face and its small so it’s still feminine; I think it’s beautiful”  
I ran my fingers over the spot, feeling the rush of adrenaline before I’d even given an answer.  
“Wont it hurt though?” I ask nervously.  
“Everything beautiful hurts” he gives me a sad smile as he puts the mirror back down.  
There’s a silence between us for a second, as the heavy feeling of guilt settled back into my stomach.  
“When can I book in!” I finally speak.  
“Meg should be free right after Nellie, actually” he steps back around the counter to check the book, “If you’re brave enough!”  
“I think I’ll manage” I laugh.  
Meg and Nellie join us back in the foyer; Nellie wears a smile as big as the ice-pack she holds to the side of her head.  
‘I did it!” she squeaks as Viv re-joins our group.  
“Did it hurt?” she asks.  
“At first it did, so badly! But now it’s over!”   
Viv examines Nellie’s new shiny jewellery as it glints from the very top of her ear.  
“You’ve got one more Megs” Harley says, nodding in my direction.  
Meg turns toward me.  
“I see you’ve already scribbled all over her” she snorts.  
“You’re welcome, I like to help” Harley says modestly.  
“Alright then, come on through” Meg nods down the hallway for me to follow her.  
“Are you getting something too?” Nellie asks shocked.  
I nod half excitedly, half nervously as I turn to follow after Meg.  
Her cubical was almost identical to Harleys but less cluttered with inks and stools.  
“So, first piercing is it?” she asks as I sit down. I nod.  
“A philtrum’s pretty ballsy for a first timer! What’s your name by the way?”  
“Amy” I say as I position myself on the reclining chair.  
“Wait, wait, wait…” Megs turns away from her bench to stare at me, “You’re not _that_ Amy are you?”  
“Uhh” I shrug.  
“Harley’s Amy, the one he… and Eric…”  
“Oh yeah, I suppose that’s me” I laugh nervously.  
She raises her eyebrows impressed.  
“Whoa I’m going to have to take extra special care of you” she snorts as she pulls on some gloves. “The last thing I need is the wrath of pint sized Honest-Harley if I fuck anything up!”  
“I can still hear you Megs!” Harley’s voice calls from the front room and we laugh.  
Meg assembles her tools on a small silver tray beside me; there were so many steps involved, everything from mouthwash and redrawing Harley’s dot down to the scary looking set of clamps and daunting steel needle.  
When she’s done, she turns to me with the needle loaded and gripped carefully in her gloved hand.  
“Alright girly, this will suck but it’ll be over before you know it”


	29. Careers Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delayed update again!  
> This time I accidentally wrote the beginning and the ending first and then I took ages to fill in the rest.  
> Comments and feedback are encouraged!  
> As always, thanks for reading :)

I walked back out of the cubical feeling swollen but elated. Megs had selected a simple clear diamond that was the only visible part of my new lip adornment.  
Harley straightened behind the desk when he saw me approach his smile proud in comparison the Nell and Viv who both looked stunned.  
“Oh my god Amy!” Viv gasped.  
“I love it!” Nellie squeaked, “I didn’t know you were quite _that_ brave!”  
I laughed.  
“Perfect” Harley adds, “Told you so!”  
“You never mentioned it would hurt that much!” I scoffed.  
“You survived in one piece though didn’t you?” He smirked.  
The door behind us opened and a younger Dauntless boy strode in; I thought I recognized him from Ash’s group of initiates. Harley gave him a small wave before pushing away from the counter.  
“Well back to work! Can’t let Li find me standing around doing nothing!”  
“Best not!”  
“I’ll see you tonight though yeah?” he straightens his glasses.  
“Definitely” I smile.  
“Have fun you three; don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” He laughs before leading the Dauntless-born initiate to the back of the shop.  
As soon as we step outside the two girls are on me.  
“It looks so good Amy!”  
“On a scale of one to ten how much did it hurt?”  
“Do you know if Harley has a brother?!”  
I try to answer as many questions as I can as they continue right through shopping and into dinner.  
Mitch already awaits us in the cafeteria and I can tell he’s been in the training room from the way his hair sticks down.  
“I like it Amy-Doll” He nods at my lip, “It’s very distinguishing. What does H think?”  
“He picked it actually” I shrug.  
“Naww that’s real couple-y” he smirks and I shove his shoulder so hard that the food fell off his fork.  
“You’re going back there tonight aren’t you?”  
“Uh yeah at seven thirty” I check my watch.  
“Need one of us to come along so it doesn’t look suspicious?” Nellie asks eyebrows furrowed.  
“I think it will be alright” I say.  
“Oh I bet it will!” Mitch sneers and I shove him again, dropping more lasagne back onto his plate.  
“Amy! I’m really hungry! Stop it!”  
“Then stop being a smart”   
He rolls his eyes dramatically before returning to his food with extra concentration.  
I decided to grab Harley some dinner, seeing as he’d replaced the evening with my consultation; saying goodbye to my friends I shoved a handful of dinner rolls and a wrapped up portion of meat into my bag and headed out of the cafeteria toward the shop.  
From the outside, the shop seemed dark and empty but I knew he’d be there; a sense of certainly I’d never had when it came to Eric.  
The door clicked shut behind me and I scanned the shop.  
“Amy?” Harley’s voice called from the back.  
“Yep!”  
“Come on down, I’m just cleaning up!” I made my way back to his now-familiar cubical to find him carefully replacing ink bottles in the cupboard.  
“Perfect timing” he says as he drops himself down into his office chair, “What a day!”  
I sat opposite him on the foot of the reclining chair.  
“I brought you some food too, figured you’d be needing it” I passed over the foil-covered dinner leftovers.  
“Brilliant! I’m starving!” He beamed, “I was worried I’d have to eat one of Li’s protein bars just to make it through the night!”  
He ripped off a bit of bread and popped it in his mouth.  
“So Amy. Tattoo. What are we thinking?”   
I had been thinking about the design I’d wanted for a while now, the tiniest, detailed twin symbols from both of my factions, one under the other, just along the curve of my inner-wrist; delicate enough to go unnoticed to the unobservant eye.  
Harley nodded enthusiastically at my explanation before he drew up the small stencils. He was uncharacteristically quiet as he transferred it onto my skin and prepared his machine and ink.  
“So Monday’s your career day?” He asks quietly.  
I nod.  
“Means Eric will be parading in here as a part of his ego-tour” Harley scoffs as his eyes stay fixed on my wrist.  
“We come here?” I ask.  
“Yep, but thankfully Li handles all that; I’m sure you’ll get the same speech he gave me on my careers day” he grins, “I think he practices it in the mirror”  
My tiny tattoos took Harleys practiced hands only minutes to finish and before I knew it he was applying the cold, soothing ointment over them.  
“Also,” Harley asked quietly, “I never asked, after the whole… incident with Eric and I, has he been treating you any different? I know you’re probably stuck with him during training, so if he’s giving you a hard time or anything, I want to hear about it”  
“Not at all” I shrug, “And Four’s running Stage two so I hardly have to see him”  
“Good” Harley smiles, “Aright Amy, you’re all finished”  
I look at my slightly reddened wrist, the tattoos looked perfect, each line as dainty as a pen stroke.  
“They’re beautiful, Harley” I say.  
“Any time” he smiles bashfully, pushing glasses back up his nose, “Well I’d better not keep you any longer, the last thing I need is one of Eric’s people seeing you leave my shop after hours!”  
“You’re probably right” I laugh and let him walk me up to the front of the shop.  
“I guess I might see you tomorrow then?”  
“I’ll be here” he grins, “See you later Amy”  
I give him one last wave before I step out the door and he locks up behind me..  
The clanging of Fours fist on the dormitory door was what dragged us all out of sleep on Monday morning; startled yelps and thrown back blankets filled the room around me. It had been a while since we’d been woken up by our instructor.  
“No training room today!”   
A deep voice boomed, but it was far too deep to be Fours, “I want to see all initiates in the Pit in fifteen minutes!”  
I sat up in my bunk and turned towards the door where Eric occupied the majority of its frame.  
His eyes found me almost immediately and they hovered longer than they had on any of the other initiates; it was only after his gaze had flickered over my bare legs and exposed shoulder did he turn away again. I felt the blush spread through my cheeks and suppressed a smile.  
Within ten minutes I was dressed and pulling on my boots.  
“Have you given much thought to what careers you’ll apply for?” Nellie, fully ready, drops down onto the bed beside me, “I haven’t, and I still feel like we only just got here”  
“Yeah me to” I say, “Especially since there’s still time for our rankings to change”  
Nellie snorts, “You’re firmly in the top five Amy; you can almost choose any career you want!”  
“You never know!” I laugh.  
“Alright ladies” Mitch comes to lean against the bunk railing, “Ready to go decide our futures?”  
It almost felt strange to pass right by the simulation training room and to the centre of the Pit where Eric stood, arms crossed on a raised ledge; looking disdainfully at the initiates that were already milling below him.  
“He really looks like a dictator, doesn’t he?” Nellie nudges my eye.  
I nod in undeniable agreement just as his dark, authoritive scrutiny catches our approach.  
“Pick up the pace!” he barks at our small group and we quicken our step.  
“I feel sorry for the one of us mad enough to sign up as his apprentice” Nellie whispers, “Like, could you imagine being stuck in an office with him every day?!”  
I definitely could.  
“Yeah, sounds like a nightmare” I mumble back.  
“Alight initiates!” Eric calls as he glances at the chunky watch on his wrist, “Everyone, listen up, because I won’t be repeating myself”  
“Today you will be taken around the compound to learn about the different career roles here at Dauntless. The heads of these positions will talk you through the tasks and functions, as well as the specialized training required for each.”  
He regards us almost boredly as he continues his speech.  
“I suggest you use this opportunity to ask questions and take in all the information that you can; because at the end of today you will each be given three application forms, and twenty-four hours to submit them to either myself or Max. Are there any questions?”  
There was a silence before a tall Dauntless-born behind me speaks up.  
“Why only three?”  
“New rules allow initiates to apply for just three careers; after your final examination and ranking have been taken into account, the most suitable of your applied positions will be offered to you”  
“What if we our rankings aren’t eligible for any of the jobs we’ve picked?”  
Eric sneers.  
“Then pay extra special attention to our first stop on the tour”  
We were lead to the compounds ground floor exit where a train stood idling on the street side platform.  
Eric said nothing after we’d boarded and the train had started to pull away from the compound.  
Soon enough the tracks had wound their way out of the claustrophobic city buildings and into the dry, barren outskirts that reached all the way up to the wall.  
I stare out of the open carriage door as the lake bed stretched out below; the wall rose higher and the train got slower the closer we got to it.  
Eric cleared his throat.  
If the initiates were quiet before, now they were downright silent; Eric leant against the carriage wall with his arms crossed with his usual impatience across his chest.  
“As you can probably guess, our first stop today is to meet with the Dauntless that guards the fence” he begins to pace, “For those of you in the bottom rankings or those whose applications don’t match their rank, the fence is the most probable career you will be dealt. So pay attention”  
The train glides to a stop and no sooner had the brakes stopped screeching, than Eric gave us all his irritable head jerk to leave the carriage.  
The sunlight is bright in contrast to the covered train and the shadowy depths of the Pit that we’d all become so familiar with. The solid concrete beneath my feet momentarily made me forget where I was; but as I stepped closer to the edge, the exact scale of how high the wall towered above the earth below, almost made my knees give out.  
I stumble backwards and abruptly collide with Mitch standing behind me.  
He lets out a small ‘Oomph’ and steadies my shoulders.  
“You alright Amy-Doll? I didn’t know heights were your thing; I thought you were the second jumper on day one?”  
“Uh yeah” I say, composing myself again, “Just took me by surprise; it doesn’t look this tall from the city”  
Mitch laughs.  
“It’s amazing though, isn’t it?” He leans over the railing and surveys the endless stretch of space before us, “It just goes on forever”  
“I wonder how far away the monsters are” Nellie joins us at the ledge, staring out at the land almost suspiciously.  
“Monsters!” Mitch scoffs, “Don’t be silly Nell!”  
“What!” She says indignantly, “That’s what everyone says is out there!”  
Mitch laughs and Nellie frowns.  
“I’m sorry! But see the patches of green all the way over there?” he points to where the curve of the fence gives the smallest of glimpses of greenery, “I worked those fields from the day I could walk, all the way up until the day I came here, and I never saw one monster; plenty of rabbits though… and bees” He frowns to himself.  
“Well why did they build the fence in the first place?” Nellie crosses her arms.  
“Not monsters! Amy-Doll, you’re the brains here, tell her she’s mad!”  
I hold my hands up defensively.  
“Don’t get me involved! I’d need to see proof before I can either confirm or deny!”  
I left the two to their bickering as I turned my attention back to the rest of the initiates; most, like us, were peering over the edge pointing or pretending to shove each other; only a few were standing back from the ledge, grey faced.  
A small group caught my eye, they were staring upward and when I followed their gaze to the scaffolding above I could just make out the tiny specks that were Dauntless guards, impossibly high above our heads.  
I felt my stomach flip and tore my gaze away.   
Eric returned to the group with a dark skinned Dauntless guard, in full armoured gear and a semi-automatic, by his side.  
“Initiates!” he barks, hands clasped behind his back, “Gather round!”  
Our group migrates to where they stood and formed a loose, silent circle around them.  
The guard stepped forward.  
“Welcome to the Fence” he said, his deep voice had the same toughened quality of Erics’.  
“My name is James and I’m the supervisor of the south-east quadrant”  
He began to explain the role the guards’ played in protecting the entire city by patrolling its Wall and as he spoke; I looked at the sun-beaten skin on his face and realized he must not be much older than we were.  
The fence was such an important part of our city, but protecting it took its toll on the Dauntless guards.  
After his speech we were guided around the sector; shown where the twisting metal staircases led toward the towering platforms above and the small bunker-type rooms where the guards kept their supplies.  
When asked why so many firearms were stored within, James looked at us blank faced.  
“As a guard it’s your duty that nothing, and nobody, enters or leaves the city walls without authorization”  
There was silence over the initiates but when James didn’t continue, Eric spoke up.  
“The orders are ‘Kill on sight’”  
An unsteady feeling settled into my stomach. It was a side to the Dauntless that we hadn’t been exposed to before; these were the hardened soldiers.  
Soon after, we were ushered back onto the train and began the journey back to the compound.  
“He was a scary bloke, wasn’t he?” Mitch says quietly as we watch the ground beneath the tracks speed past.  
“Might even give Eric a run for his money!” he sniggers  
“I really hope I don’t get put there” Nellie says nervously.  
I give her a small smile and Mitch puts a comforting arm around her.  
The next stop on the tour was the infirmary where the yellow-haired nurse, that I’d encountered several times, turned out to be the head of the entire hospital; she explained their role in the faction, placing special emphasis on the degree of injuries that were all but commonplace in the Dauntless lifestyle.  
After that we were taken to the kitchens where dozens of unseen workers rushed between stoves and benches preparing huge amounts of food, and then it was through the various stores that were scattered around the Pit.  
One of the last stops of the day was the one I was the most hesitant about, the tattoo shop; following Eric inside, the usually spacious store looked quite cramped when filled with all of the initiates.  
Li stepped out from a booth and eyed Eric almost distrustfully before turning his attention on the rest of us.  
“How are we all today? Most of you I’ve met but for the rest, I’m Li and this is my tattoo parlour”  
He was halfway through his pre-prepared spiel about what they did and the traineeships they offered when movement at the back of the shop caught my eye.  
Harley was walking a client to the front desk and almost stopped in his tracks when he noticed us all standing there.  
Eric straightened his spine dauntingly and glared at him as he walked by; the lightness disappeared from Harley’s step but he did his best to ignore him.  
Almost everyone was too caught up listening to Li that I was the only one to notice Harley return to the back of the shop, glaring back at Eric just as coldly.  
The very last part of the tour that day was to the training room with Four and Ash; they talked us through the process and requirements to become instructors.  
Eric regarded Four boredly until the very end of his talk; then he stepped forward with a stack of envelopes in his hands.  
“Alright, you’ve seen your options and now it’s up to you to make your choices” he shoves the enveloped to Viv and gestures for he to pass them out, “Your application forms are labelled and sealed; and as I said earlier, you have twenty-four hours to return them to Four or myself”  
He and the instructors leave the hall as Viv is still passing out the forms.  
Nellie holds hers uncomfortably in front of her, her name spelt out in scratchy black letters across the front.  
“Yours isn’t here, Amy” Viv approaches me with empty hands, “Eric must still have it”  
“He should just be in his office though” Nellie says, “Maybe just swing by and get it before dinner”  
I catch Mitch’s eye and he’s giving me a meaningful look.  
“I suppose I don’t have a choice then, do I?” I force a laugh.  
“Want us to walk you there?” Mitch asks seriously.  
“No it’s fine, you guys just head to the cafeteria; I’ll meet you there soon”  
His face is even more readable now and I smile at him, convincing him I’ll be okay.  
Nellie and Viv drag him away and head down towards the Pit.  
Why was it always me? The other initiates hardly ever had to see instructors between classes; I knew that most of it was my own doing, but there were still some times where fate kept knocking me back toward him.  
I only vaguely remembered the way to his office; the stark white walls made me feel like I was trespassing all the way up to his non-descript, but still daunting, office door.  
I knocked and after a second his deep voice told me to enter.  
He looked up from his desk with a split second of surprise as his eyes flashed to the empty corridor behind me.  
“Amelia” he said, regaining his usual composure, “Come in”  
I closed the door softly behind me and stood in front of his desk.  
He began shuffling through papers in front of him.  
“What can I do for you?”  
“I came to get an application; I didn’t get mine this afternoon”  
“You didn’t need one” he replies curtly, frowning at a particular sheet of paper in his hand.  
“I- What?”  
“It’s already been submitted”  
I look at him baffled and he finally meets my eye again.  
“All taken care of” he shrugs with the smallest of smiles playing at the corner of his lips.  
“I’m still confused”  
“You’ll be interning for my position, as a leader; I will be your mentor”  
“What” I say flatly.  
Eric leans back in his chair, hands clasped in his lap; he looked like a king deciding whether to behead or be entertained by a jester.  
“It’s a bit soon for that isn’t it?” I stammer, “Don’t I have to graduate in the top two?”  
His smile grows.  
“You’re rank is sufficient, you possess the right qualities… you even have some glowing recommendations”  
“From who?!” I was startling to get irritated now, how I usually felt when Eric was short with me.  
“Well, myself of course, Max…” he counted off his fingers, “Even a rather impressive one from the office of Jeanine Matthews herself”  
“But how?”  
He leans forward again with his elbows resting on the desktop; his face unreadable.  
“Because I asked them to”  
“Eric…”  
“Amelia” he smirks.  
“You can’t just… rig the system!”  
“Oh but I can! I've told you already, something’s coming, things are about to change; I need you right by my side to keep you safe” something more serious consumes his grey eyes for a moment, like deep seated nsettlement.  
“What if I don’t make it” I whisper.  
“That’s not even a possibility” he says sincerely.  
I twist the end of my ponytail anxiously as I try to process everything.  
Eric sighs again and pushes up from his desk; he steps around it to stand in front of me.  
He rests his massive hand against the side of my face and looks at me intently.  
“Trust me; everything’s going to be fine; I’m handling it”  
I nod.  
“If your friends ask, tell them you were given a new form and you filled it out; okay?”  
“Alright” I had the overwhelming urge to lean into him but I knew it would have been a mistake.  
As if we were on the same thought pattern; Eric drops his hand and straightens his posture, widening the distance between us.  
“Is there anything else you need?”   
I shake my head and he returns to his desk.  
“Then you best get back to your friends” His eyes go back to the paperwork laid out before him.  
I smile and begin to make my way to the door, just as I touch the handle; Eric looks up at me again.  
“One more thing,” I’m expecting to be scolded, he touched above his top lip with his finger “I like it, but don’t put any more holes in your face”  
I laugh and he smiles in return as I step out and close the door behind me.


	30. From The Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're feedback is so important to me!  
> Please let me know whether this work is still sort of readable or if it's a lame waste of space!  
> Thank you for reading!

It was only as I made my way back towards the cafeteria that the seriousness of the situation finally sunk in. Eric had pulled every string necessary to suit his own plan; but did it suit the both of us?  
I couldn’t decide how I felt about it. On one hand I felt touched that he’d manipulated the system to keep me close and safe from whatever he’d implied was coming; on the other, more logical hand, he had completely commandeered my future and intertwined it with his own.  
Did he just assume I would be okay with that? Or did he just not care; my unrest only intensified through dinner and into the, what felt like, hours before I could fall asleep that night.  
Nellie hadn’t noticed my drastic shift in mood, but Mitch eyed me knowingly.  
The next day, I was hardly at all surprised that Eric showed up in my fear landscape again.  
It was like some kind of cruel joke when I opened my eyes against the brightness of the single overhead light and felt the cold metal handle in my clenched hand.  
He stood across from me in his spotlight again, hands bound in front of him; with the same defiant look on his face.  
But this time something was different, in Sonia’s place stood my mother and father; the sight of them took my breath away, beaten and bruised. Their hands clutched tightly together despite their shackles while tears streaks shone over their cheeks; I had to close my eyes to stop myself from running to them.  
“Choose” The now familiar voice behind me urged, as the always unseen weapon presses to the back of my skull.  
Four had raised the stakes, seeing how far he had to push me before I’d sacrifice Eric; altering the simulation to see exactly what I’d give up to protect him.  
I felt my heart begin to race as the pressure of the barrel from the firearm behind me grew more persistent.  
My arm was pushed upward.  
Actual pain rippled through me at the thought of pointing the weapon toward my parents or Eric; the only way I could think of to prevent that was to get to the man behind me first.  
“Now” he insisted.  
I took a deep breath and prepared myself to turn; my parents looked at me weakly and Eric’s chin tilted up arrogantly, as if daring me on.  
There’s a faint click behind me as he draws the hammer back.  
I can tell he’s about to give me my final warning but I spin around before the words can form.  
In a split second I’m facing towards him, his identity concealed by a heavy blanket of shadow; I pull my trigger.  
I wake with a jolt back in the simulation room; as I catch my breath I see Four frowning at his monitor and tapping numbers into the log.  
For a moment I’m not even sure he’ll look at me; and I pull the heart-rate conductors off my arms and temples before the stress of having been caught with Eric back in my landscape made itself known through the computers beeping.  
Eventually he does turn around; frustratedly rubbing at the back of his neck with one hand.  
“A different tactic this time I see” His eyebrows are creased together in suspicion.  
I nod, hoping the beating of my anxious heart isn’t somehow audible through my chest.  
He studies me for a moment, almost like he was waiting for a confession; but I kept my face as innocent as I could as I prayed the flush of my cheeks wouldn’t give me away.  
He eventually gave up and sighed.  
“Well good work today. You’re making great progress”  
“Thank you” I say quietly, hoping he’s abandoned the subject of Eric altogether.  
He gives me one more uncertain look before her nods toward the door.  
“Send Cole in on your way out”  
I’m out of there as fast as my legs can carry me.  
Mitch catches my eye as I make my way toward the exit, he sees through me instantly.  
Nellie is in a deep discussion with Viv so I sit myself on his other side.  
“Amy-Doll?” he whispers concerned.  
“It happened again… I saw him” I’m speaking so quietly that my words are nothing but air, “but we can’t talk about it here”  
He nods as he glances around the room.  
“I shouldn’t be too long here, come back after my simulation and we’ll hit the fire escape?”  
I respond with a small nod before I stood up and walked out into the corridor.  
I swear my heart beats hadn’t slowed since I came out of the simulation; I leant against the cold stone wall as I tried to compose myself.  
I needed to speak to Eric, to warn him that I’d just re-awoken Fours suspicions; I already knew he was going to be angry about it, but he had to know before Four got to him first.  
I started walking toward the Pit. I knew that I couldn’t just turn up at his office, or god forbid his apartment; so my only chance was that he happened to be passing through the common areas in-between his busy schedule.  
The Pit was relatively quiet by now; the last of the breakfast crowd was clearing as the Dauntless headed to their jobs.  
It had only just occurred to me that I couldn’t actually ask anyone if they’d seen him, lest that arouse suspicion and it got back to Four; instead, I glanced inside the cafeteria and scanned the high, narrow passageways that coiled around the Pit; but there was no sign of him.  
After I loitered for a while, I convinced myself that there was hardly a chance of seeing him around this late in the morning; surely he was preoccupied doing leadership things.  
This brought my mind unwillingly back to our conversation yesterday. I’d never even considered applying for such a career and whether I liked it or not, Eric had probably already cemented the position for me.  
Which was even more reason that I had to talk to Mitch after his landscape, I had to get it off my chest to someone who wasn’t as predisposed as Eric.  
I made my way back up to the simulation room, which earned me a few fleeting curious glances; I sat back down beside Mitch to wait.  
He gave me his own puzzled look.  
“Back already? I’m after Mia” he nods to the closed door at the front, “Shouldn’t be too long, then we’ll go”  
No sooner had he said that, the main doors into the waiting area were pushed open so hard that they swung in on their hinges and struck the inside wall so hard that we all jumped in our seats.  
Four Dauntless marched into the room, led by Max; it was only after they determinedly passed our bench on their way to the simulation room that I saw the sandy hair and bold throat tattoos of Eric right by his side.  
We all froze, unsure of what was happening; the new arrivals had brought an air of tension with them, like something bad was about to go down.  
My eyes fixed onto Eric as he stood to the side, so that Max could bang a heavy fist on the simulation-room door; there was a pause before a startled looking Four opened it and looked around at them.  
“We’re in the middle of a simulation” I heard him protest.  
Max says something to him that I can’t hear from across the room but the sneer on his face is undeniable. Eric pushed Four roughly back into the room as the others follow; the door closes behind them and we see no more.  
It takes a second for the shocked silence over us to diminish; we’re all stuck in our seats.  
“Amy, do you know what’s going on?” Mitch murmurs in my ear.  
I shake my head anxiously as I strain my ears for any sounds from within the closed room.  
It must have been serious if Eric _and_ Max intervened in the middle of a simulation.  
“What about Mia?” Nellie whispers, concern on her face.  
What couldn’t have waited until after training? Would they turn Mia off? Wasn’t that dangerous?  
After what felt like an eternity the door opened again.  
A low gasp sounded from the initiates as the two guards walked out. Mia was gripped vice-like by either arm between them; and she looked terrified.  
They carried her roughly as they marched out of the training room, tailed closely by a very smug looking Max; Eric met my gaze as he passed by, without a hint of emotion on his stone, cold face.  
Then came Four, looking shaken and fearful.  
“Everyone stay in your seats” he said tersely, “I’ll be back”  
He hurried after the party out into the corridor.  
Everyone spoke at once; what had just happened?  
It felt like years until Four finally returned to us; his face was drained of colour and I could see in his eyes that his mind was racing. Every stare in the room was on him.  
“There’ll be no more simulations today” he said tersely, “Take the rest of the afternoon off”  
He gives us one last troubled look before he turned and storms back out of the room.  
We sit in silence for a moment before Mitch stands up.  
“Come on girls, let’s get you some lunch”  
The gossip and theories only gain momentum as the rest of the initiates hit the cafeteria.  
“I reckon she killed a Dauntless guard”  
“Maybe she’s a spy from Abnegation?”  
“I bet you it was a love triangle gone wrong; now she has to go”  
“I heard they threw her into the chasm!”  
The whispers spread along the table; Nellie listened in eagerly but I could tell Mitch was just as distant as I was.  
Todays’ event seemed to have left him as rattled as I was. It wasn’t Mia being dragged away that had left me so distressed; it was the look in Eric’s eyes.  
It was the militancy of them; the cold stare of a soldier; the hardened man he’d become right in front of my eyes.  
I sigh; the last twenty-four hours made my head spin.  
“Amy-Doll” Mitch mumbles without shifting his eye from the coffee in his palms, “I think I need a cigarette”  
Leaving Nellie to the cluster of conspiracy theories, we made our way out of the cafeteria and through the Pit toward the dormitories.  
Not a word was said between us until we reached an intersection in the corridor, so it was easy to hear the low, terse voices up ahead.  
Mitch slowed down instinctively and I strained my ears to hear.  
“…None of your concern”  
“But it is… one of my initiates… I have the right to know”  
It was two male voices speaking in hushed tones; I edged closer to the corner to try to get a glimpse of them.  
“What are you doing?!” Mitch whispers, grabbing my arm, “I don’t think we should be here”  
I ignore him and tip-toe even closer.  
“It’s well above your pay-grade, Four” the acidity in one mans’ tone made his identity indisputable, “Keep your nose out of it and stay out of my way”  
The sound of Eric’s voice lured me from behind the cover of the stone wall; two enraged pairs of eyes flashed toward me.  
Four steps away from Eric.  
“I hope you can live with yourself after what you’ve done today” he snarls at him, glaring at him in disgust before marching back up the corridor.  
Eric’s scowl flickers for an instant before he trains his eyes back on me, fists clenched; my heart races as I meet his stare.  
Mitch closes in behind me and I watch as Eric’s eyes flash towards him briefly; the muscle of his jaw flickers before he drops his gaze and stalks away.  
For a moment I can’t move, it’s not until Mitch’s hand squeezes my shoulder that I can feel my legs again.  
“You alright?” he asks softly.  
I nod and let him lead me down the opposite end of the corridor, but not without one last glance at Eric’s broad-shouldered figure disappearing down the dark hallway behind us.


	31. Right Beside You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to those readers who gave me that little bit extra encouragement when I really needed it!  
> As always, feedback and comments are appreciated and cherished x

“So what’s going on, Amy-Doll?”  
Mitch’s face is momentarily ablaze with orange glow as he lights the end of his cigarette. Once again he’d offered me one; and this time I almost thought about accepting.  
“What do you know about Mia?”  
“Nothing, I’m just as shocked as you are; as everyone is” I shrug.  
“So Eric never mentioned anything?”  
“We don’t talk that often!” I protest.  
Mitch raises his eyebrows suggestively.  
“You know that’s not what I meant! It’s against the rules for us to even be alone together, let alone have casual discussions about his job!”  
“Will he tell you? If you asked about Mia?” Mitch asks through a cloud of smoke.  
“I don’t know” I shrug, “But I’m going to try”  
Mitch nods and frowns at the ground for a moment.  
“I have this terrible feeling that something bad is coming, all these new rules, initiates being taken from their classes…”   
Eric’s cryptic warnings surfaced in my mind. But they still didn’t seem any clearer.  
“Sorry,” Mitch said after a while, “Today has me a bit stressed; something just doesn’t feel right”  
He took another drag of his cigarette.  
“So you said you saw him in your simulation again; tell me about it”  
I recounted the scene from my landscape.  
“Wait, so your parents were there this time?” he frowned.  
I nodded.  
“I think Four was manipulating it, he’s trying to figure out our connection”  
“I thought he’d given up on that” Mitch frowns.  
“He did, but I dragged him right back into it today” I sigh, “But that’s not all”  
Mitch stares at me.  
“Remember when I went to his office yesterday?”  
His shoulders drop as I tell him how there was never an application for me to begin with, about the references he’d pulled and how I was almost completely certain he’d guaranteed the position for me.  
“Shit Amy-Doll” Mitch says after her stubs out his cigarette and reaches for another, “What have you gotten yourself into?”  
“I really don’t know” I groan.  
Mitch is quiet for a moment, frowning at the glowing ember at the end of his smoke.  
“I’m worried about you, Amy” he says at last, “You’re getting so tangled up with him that I don’t think you’ll be able to get away”  
“He hasn’t done anything” I frown.  
“He’s running you around; bringing you to his flat and then pushing you away again. I’ve seen it, you know? That look in your eyes after he lets you down”  
“That’s not true!” I protest, “He’s protecting me; it’s not allowed for us to be close during my initiation”  
“Then why doesn’t he be the bigger man and stop dragging you back in?” Mitch raises an eyebrow.  
I’m stuck trying to think of a reason.  
“I think he’s up to something; he’s bad news Amy”  
“Mitch…”  
“You can’t defend him if you don’t know for sure. We both saw him today; he was the second most important person in the group that came to get Mia”   
“That doesn’t mean anything” I sigh, feeling like this was a losing battle.  
“I just reckon he’s keeping something from you and I think he’s dangerous; I want you to ask yourself, before you get too far in to get back out again, how well do you really know him? And do you trust him?”  
His words left an unsettling feeling in my stomach and I knew I had some thinking to do  
We head back down to find Nellie; though Mitch’s advice echoed in my mind, the stress had eased since being able to divulge everything to someone.  
Dauntless milled around the hallways, calling loudly and laughing; so it took me by surprise that I didn’t even notice him approach.  
Eric’s usual frown didn’t shift even as he stopped right in front of us; halting us in our tracks.  
He kept his focus on me for a few seconds before turning to Mitch.  
“Don’t you have somewhere to be, Amity?” he growls.  
Mitch straightened his spine a little, as if he was trying to somehow close the size distance between the two of them.  
“Yes, Sir” he eventually mumbled before glancing at me one more time and continued up the hallway.  
Eric doesn’t look at me again; instead he directs a small nod toward a side passage that was relatively deserted; then strides off.  
I know he wants me to follow him; and as always, I do it without a second thought.  
I fall into step one pace behind him as the hallway winds away from the main walkway.  
“I’m going to have to keep an eye on that initiate friend of yours”  
“I need to talk to you” I say quietly.  
“I know” he finally grumbles.  
“How-?“  
“Discrepancies in your simulations are reported directly to me” he says flatly.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“ His hostility makes me stutter.  
He says nothing for a moment as we keep walking; I’m waiting for his anger to crack through his composure any second now.  
“Fuck Amelia” he groans, “Why can’t you just shoot me?”  
“I can’t! Don’t you think it would be easier for me if I could!?” it was hard to keep the volume of my anger down and I was thankful of my position behind him so that he couldn’t see my face.  
“To keep me out of this mess? Have Four stop examining me as if I’m scheming to destroy the world?! Would it be so easy for you if you were in my place?”  
He says nothing but I can see his jaw clench.  
“Of course it would” I murmur, “Why am I even surprised”  
In a flash, everything shifted.  
Eric spun around and with one rough hand on my shoulder, pushed me against the wall.  
His storm-cloud eyes are alive with anger.  
“Don’t you ever say that to me, Amelia” he says through gritted teeth; his self-control has slipped so far that all the quietness of his voice is gone.  
I can feel my heartbeat thrum through my face as I realize this is probably the most scared of him that I've ever been.  
“Ever. Understand?”   
I force a nod and he drops his hand from my arm; the skin stays warm after the roughness of his grip.  
He steps back away from me and takes a few deep breaths to steady himself.  
He looks at me almost apologetically but says nothing.  
“I’ve got meetings until late, but see me in the simulation training room an hour after curfew”  
“What?” I stammer.  
“Don’t let yourself be seen leaving the dormitory” he adds without explaining, and before I can gather my thoughts he turns and heads back down the corridor.

It’s strange to let myself into the empty training room that night; I remind myself that he’s going to be there as I cross the distance to the closed simulation room door.  
Tentatively, I push it open and breathe a sigh of relief when I see him sitting at the computer monitor.  
He turns in his seat, looking far more immense in it than Four usually did.  
“Take a seat” he nods to the adjustable chair and turns back to his monitor.  
I settle myself into the seat and stay quiet as I watch him disconnect certain wires running from the computer to my chair.  
“We’re going to get you past your hesitation at pulling that trigger” he says, still focused on the equipment in front of him, “I don’t know how much time I have so I’m going to single out that specific landscape”  
He sets to readying the serum injectors and I notice that there are two.  
“So Amelia, this is going to be a blind simulation; which means nothing is recorded and no data will be logged” he turns back toward me with one of the chrome contained serums in his hand, “I’ll be linked into your simulation with you, so you’ll be able to see and speak to me but I can’t interfere or be seen by any of the players in your landscape; understand?”  
“I think so,” I nod, “So we’ll be in there together?”  
“I’ll be right by your side” he gives me a small smile, “Are you ready?”  
“As I’ll ever be” I always knew that Eric kept an eye on my simulations, but having him right there beside me through one of my deepest fears was enough to start my heart rate up before I’d even gone under.  
He leant toward me and brushed he hair away from my neck, shivers rushed up my spine. He put the needle to my exposed skin and pressed the mechanism; sending the coolness of the serum through my veins.  
The room around me started to fade, but not before I saw him raise the second injector to his own neck.  
I felt the brightness from the spotlight above me even through my closed eyelids and I waited for a second to open them.  
I knew exactly what I was going to see but I was never really quite prepared for it. There he was, bound and stern looking, across the room; side by side with my parents.  
“Remember to breathe”   
I almost jumped out of my skin; I looked beside me to where he stood, the real Eric, his face only just visible from the glow of the light above me.  
The barrel of the gun pressing to the back of my skull forced my eyes back to the front again.  
 _“Choose”_ the shadowed man’s voice demanded.  
I don’t move a muscle.  
 _“Now, or they all die”_  
“Don’t think about it Amelia” Eric says quietly beside my ear, “Just aim”  
As if on cue, my pistol arm was thrust upwards.  
“I don’t know if I can…” I whisper.  
“You can do it, think of it as saving your parents” he steps toward me and gently redirects my right arm to where his double stands.  
 _“Last chance. Shoot or you all die”_ the voice demands and I can feel the handle shake in my fist.  
“You can do it Amelia” Eric urges softly, “Right between the eyes; end it all”  
 _“You have to the count of three”_ the voice pushes the barrel harder against the back of my head, _“One…”_  
“Come on Amelia”  
 _“Two…”_  
“Now”  
I squeeze my eyes shut and pull the trigger, I hear the bang echo through the dark space and the gun in my hands becomes heavy; I don’t dare open my eyes to see him dead.  
I’m just waiting to wake up from the simulation when I hear a woman’s voice.  
 _“For crimes against the city…”_  
I open my eyes and find I’m standing in a street, the building either side are tall and dilapidated; like they could fall in on us at any moment.  
 _“… Danger to our very society…”_  
I’d never had this landscape before; was it possible that I’d missed one after all this time?  
I turn; a group of faceless Dauntless guards stand around a figure kneeling on the pavement.  
In the centre of them all with his back to me, stands Eric.  
I move closer and that’s when I see his face is strained; a heavy-duty pistol clasped in both of his hands.  
“Something’s wrong” he says quietly to me over his shoulder, “This shouldn’t be happening”  
I frown, unsure what he was talking about; my eyes travel to the kneeling figure before him.  
It was a woman, maybe in her late twenties in deep Erudite blue, her dark blonde hair fell loose around her shoulders; despite the pleading look in her eyes, I could swear that she was somehow familiar.  
“Eric” I whisper nervously, “What’s going on? I’ve never had this fear before”  
“That’s because it’s not yours” he says tensely and then it hits me; this wasn’t my fear landscape at all, this was his.  
 _“… You’re to be sentenced to death”_  
Neither his eyes nor his gun strayed from her; I’d never seen so much fear in his eyes.  
“Eric. Who is she?” I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew her and from the look on his face, I knew he did as well.  
“It doesn’t matter” he says through gritted teeth, “Turn around Amelia”  
“What? Wh-“  
“I said do it” he ordered as he pulled the hammer back on his pistol.  
I force myself to turn away.  
 _“Eric, dispose of her” ___the voice demands.  
I hear him expel a shaky breath.  
“No” he whispers to himself so quietly I almost miss it, I glance over my shoulder to find his expression more pained than before; but that wasn’t the only thing that had changed.  
The kneeling woman had gone, replaced with a Dauntless girl with unmistakeably wild blonde hair; Me.  
 _“Please Eric…”_ The fake me pleaded.  
“I’m sorry” Eric whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut just as he pulled the trigger.  
It was Eric’s ragged breathing that brought me out of the simulation; he sat hunched forward on his chair with his hands on his head; his shoulders rising and falling as he collected himself again.  
“Eric…”  
He finally looked at me.  
“You weren’t meant to see that; any of it”  
“I’m sorry” I say quietly.  
“Simulations were never my thing” He rubs the back of his head, “But you did well Amelia, now you just need to do that the next time Four is watching”  
“Who was that woman?” I feel the question leave my lips before I’d even thought them through.  
He frowns, but instead of putting his walls up and losing his temper, his expression softens.  
“My mother” he says.  
Instantly I knew that it had been, I’d never had much to do with her because she’d died when I was ten; but I remember flashes of her chatting to my own mother over the fence and seeing her greet young Eric at the front door after school.  
“And I know that’s not all you saw” he sighed and I looked down at my hands.  
“How long have you seen me there?”  
“Since the day you jumped from the train as a Dauntless” he looks at me meaningfully.  
I was just beginning to feel my face blush when the door to the simulation room swung open; we both spun around to find the very last face we expected to see tonight.  
“Eric” Four said breathlessly, as if he’d run the whole way here, “Jeanine’s here for the girl”   
Eric jumped to his feet and with one last look at me, strode out of the room.  
Four, seemingly just realizing I was there, frowned at me with concern before he finally dragged himself out of the room and after Eric.


	32. Unsettled

I don’t know what compelled me to follow, but I was out of the chair the second Four had disappeared.  
I just had to find out where they were going, what Jeanine had to do with it and just how much input Eric had with the Mia situation.  
I was thankful for the deserted passageways as Four’s muted footsteps were the only guidance that I had; I thought I may have lost him when I reached the Pit, I paused to listen and after a moment I heard the faintest of voices echoing from the far corridor that lead toward the compound entrance.  
I followed the hallway until I reached the heavy closed front doors; they were unmanned so I knew the guards must be on the outside with Eric and Four.   
I remembered something Mitch had told me, about how if you leant far enough over the fire escape railing, you could just see the entrance to the compound; I turned on my heel and ran upstairs.  
Pushing out onto the fire escape, the cold air hit me like a slap in the face.  
“Fucking hell Amy-Doll!” I almost jump out of my skin as Mitch yelps; he’s sitting on the staircase to the next level, one hand clutching his chest and the other fumbling to catch his cigarette.  
“I almost had a stroke! What are you-“  
I motion for him to be quiet as I peer over the railing.  
“What’s going on?” Mitch whispers as he comes to stand beside me.  
I say nothing and point..  
The steel rail against my hip may have been the only thing keeping me from tumbling over the side of the building, but I could see them on the street below.  
Two Erudite cars idled in the middle of the narrow road; in front of them was the undisputable figure of Jeanine Matthews, her blonde hair illuminated under the streetlights and a white-coated Erudite man on either side of her.  
In front of her stood Max and Eric, Max’s hands moved as he spoke but from this far away I couldn’t hear a sound.  
“Amy, what’s happening?” Mitch whispers again.  
“The Erudite are here”  
From the shadows of the building, three figures approach the group; the one in the middle obviously smaller.  
“They’re taking Mia” Mitch says, “Why are they doing that?”  
I shake my head.  
The two guards on either side of Mia lead her over to the second car, depositing her into the backseat and closing the door with a thud; but my eyes are back on Jeanine who seems to have set her attention on Eric.  
He nods intermittently during quite a lengthy conversation between the two of them, and then Jeanine reaches out and shakes his hand; I felt myself flinch.   
Not only had that simple handshake confirmed that he was majorly involved in something so massive with our old faction, but it was undeniable proof that he had been keeping something this serious from me.  
Mitch and I watched the scene below until well after the cars had departed and the Dauntless had gone back into the compound.  
“We have to tell the others” Mitch says suddenly.  
“What? We can’t!” I protest, and he looks at me in surprise.  
“What would we tell them? That we saw here tonight? That’ll only create more questions than it answers”  
“They need to be warned! Everyone saw them take her this afternoon; they need to know they’re in danger”  
“We don’t know that yet-“  
“Not entirely, no” he says bitterly, “But what we do know is that there's something going on with the Dauntless leadership and that we can’t trust them”  
I stare at him.  
“Especially him” Mitch doesn’t need to say his name for me to know exactly who he means.  
“Mitch-“  
“What? Are you going to tell me he has nothing to do with it?” he snorts, “You saw him down there handing one of us over to the leader of your old faction! You can’t defend him on this”  
“I’m just saying that if we go in there with no actual facts, we could start a panic and none of us need that this close to our final exams; not until we know for sure that they’re in danger”  
Mitch frowns at the ground for a moment, consumed in thought; for a second I think he’s about to ignore me and storm back inside, but instead he reaches for his cigarettes.  
“Alright,” he says after a time, “I hope you know what you’re doing Amy-Doll, because I don’t know if I can sit back and watch them take any more initiates”  
His expression is still torn as he lights his smoke; for a moment I couldn’t help but think what a good leader he’d make.  
“I’ll figure it out, I’ll talk to Eric”  
“Honestly I’d rather you be nowhere near him” he sighs, “But I suppose it’s the best chance we have”  
I give him a small smile and let myself back into the building.  
I knew I should have gone straight to the dorms, to have thought longer and more tactfully about confronting Eric; but instead of listening to reason I turned left and headed up toward the leaders apartments.  
Even though I was in a one track mindset, I took my time making sure the hallways were clear before I finally approached his door and knocked quietly.  
Each second before he opened the door dragged by like an eternity; like any moment Max or one of the others could walk around the corner.  
The door opened inwards and Eric had only a second to look caught off guard before he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside, closing the door behind us.  
“We’ve really got to talk about you just turning up” he mutters as he walks further into the apartment, “You don’t live here yet”  
He’s still in his full gear as if he’d only just gotten home; he takes off his jacket and slings it over the back of the sofa.  
“I know why you’re here” he says finally.  
I frown.  
“You think it wasn’t obvious to me that you were up on that balcony?” he says with a smirk, “It’s like you don’t know me at all Amelia”  
I feel my face flush from being caught out so easily.  
“I should have known you’d be by sooner or later”  
“Eric,” I have to compose myself against his half smile, “You need to tell me what’s going on”  
And just like that, the crooked grin was gone.  
“I’m not discussing this with you” he turned and focused his attention to retrieving a brown bottle from his small fridge.  
“Why” I say flatly.  
“We’ve been through this, it’s none of your business” he cracks the lid off before flicking it into the sink, “All you need to know is that I know what I’m doing, I’m handling it”  
“Keeping me _safe_ right? But you never say from what, do you?” I can’t keep the agitation out of my voice, “You know, there's never actually been a time when you haven’t been keeping something from me”  
“Fuck Amelia!” he slams his beer down onto the countertop, making me jump, “We’re not doing this tonight, I’ve had the longest fucking day and it’s none of your concern”  
I’m too startled at his outburst to find words.  
“You need to just be an initiate for once and get back to your dorm; or do I have to drag you there myself?”  
We stare at each other for one tense moment before he moves to the door; I go to storm past him but he grabs my hand as I reach for the handle.  
“Don’t forget that Four saw us tonight,” his tone has become gentler, “I’m supervising all simulations tomorrow so he won’t be able to ambush you like he usually does, I’ll sort it out; all I need you to do is run your landscape exactly the way we did tonight, alright?”  
I nod, still not trusting myself to speak. He squeezes my hand briefly before opening the door and gesturing me outside.  
That night’s sleep was another restless one; well, what was left of it anyway. I was too troubled by everything that was going on; Mitch’s caginess, Mia, Jeanine, the nearing of our final exams and graduation, and the possibility that Eric wasn’t to be trusted.  
By that morning, my sleeplessness had caught up with me and I was the last down to the cafeteria.  
Mitch looked at me suspiciously as I sat down beside them.  
‘Morning sleepy head” Nellie chirped as I set to filing a mug with tea, “I really thought you weren’t waking up today!”  
I laugh, “I was just a bit tired is all, I think I tossed and turned all night”  
“Anything you want to talk about?” Mitch asks bluntly, I felt my posture stiffen.  
“If it’s finals you’re worried about, you know we’re here for you” Nellie says comfortingly.  
“Thanks Nell” I say, feeling the guilty pang in my stomach.  
“We’d better head in” Mitch frowns at his watch, “Better not keep Four waiting”  
“I don’t think it’s just Four we need to worry about” I sigh.  
“Hmm?” Mitch turns back to me.  
“Eric’s sitting in on the simulations today” I say.  
“How could you possibly know that?” Nellie laughs and my heart skips a beat, “I swear Amy, sometimes it’s like I’m missing all these secret initiate meetings that you must go to”  
Mitch looks at me suspiciously.  
“I think I heard Four mention it” I shrug it off.  
“Right…” he says, “Well, now I’m even more excited; come one, let’s get this over with”  
Mitch’s mood was soon shared when we arrived at the training room; we sat down and waited for Fours arrival, only for an almost audible groan to flow over the initiates when Eric followed him through the doors.  
Both Four and Eric’s eyes passed over me as they made their way to the simulation room; and I knew then that I was in for one uncomfortable landscape.


	33. Defeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to post this as speedily as I could!  
> A huge thank you to Syd for stepping in when my imagination got lazy haha  
> And kazzaroo for teacing me how computers work and making everything better :)  
> Comments, feedback, suggestions; the lot are all appreciated and begged for.  
> Thanks for reading!

“Amy, you’re up” Four barked, clearly unhappy with the uninvited guest to his training.

I took a few deep breaths as I followed him into the room; bracing myself for the unavoidable awkwardness that waited within.

Eric sat boredly in the corner, dwarfing the flimsy fold-up chair with his computer tablet resting on his knee.

“Take a seat” Four mumbles as he heads towards his monitor.

He starts to separate the electrode wires with a frown on his face.

“Now Amy, after recent _circumstances_ leadership has decided that until the final simulations are administered, a leader must be present to witness all fear landscapes and take their own recordings; hence why Eric is here with us today” Four turns his frown toward me, “But I’ve got a suspicion that  _you_ knew about that already”

Eric flashes him a dangerous sideways look.

Four’s jaw clenched.

“My presence here will not alter how your simulation will run” Eric speaks as if reading from a pre-prepared script, “I’m here to serve only as an additional set of eyes and to record my own set of results, do you understand?”

I nod, feeling my heart rate rise already from just being seated between them.

Four fixes the wires to my wrists and temples, under the cold, watchful gaze of Eric.

“Ready Amy?” Four asks and poises the injector to the side of my throat.

The serum works immediately, and the overhead spotlight in the dark room greets me with cold familiarity.

The Voice presses his barrel to the back of my head and the lights across the room flicker on; but instead of the scene that I expected, I realize Four has tweaked my landscape again.

Eric still stands there with his chin tilted up arrogantly; but this time in Sonia and my parents spot, was the very last person I expected to see.

Harley.

He looked the exactly the same as he had the day I went to see him in the infirmary after the Eric incident, right down to the gauze bandage that wrapped tightly around his chest; bruises covered his skin like ink stains. He didn’t look afraid.

I feel my blood run cold at the sight of him, of what I’d done to him; the two of them side by side flooded me with pain and guilt.

I knew what had to be done.

For the first time, I lift my gun on my own; pointing it directly at Eric.

_Right between the eyes._

His voice plays in my mind.

_End it all._

I listened, but it didn’t for a second mean I wasn’t going to squeeze my eyes shut as I pulled that trigger.

There was the bang, and then the gut wrenching thud as his body hit the floor; the next thing I knew, the spotlight changed back into the warmer ceiling lights of the simulation room.

I still had to catch my breath, but I felt relief; there was no way Four could still have his doubts after he’d witnessed me kill Eric. I glanced beside me, fearful of his reaction to the newcomer to my landscape but Eric was poker-faced, tapping something into his tablet; and to my left, Four was doing the same on his computer.

“Above-average response time,” Eric said without his eyes leaving the screen, “Text-book reaction; Good work”

I felt my cheeks warm until Four turned toward me.

“Yes, another good simulation Amy, looks like your _extra tuition_ has paid off”

Another dangerous side-glance.

“Four” Eric says warningly.

“What” Four shrugs with a smug smirk on his face, “We both know that you two were in here past initiate curfew last night”

Eric sighs arrogantly and straightens in his chair.

“It’s not a good look, you know?” he continues, “Sneaking around with initiates for private training; I wonder what Max and the others would have to say about it”

“This probably isn’t the most professional time to have this conversation” Eric keeps his voice steady though his eyes tell a different story.

“It involves both of you and I will get to the bottom of it” Four eyes us both, “Whether you believe it or not, there are some things your promotion doesn’t let you get away with, Eric”

There was a brief, tense stare-down between them where I wished I could leave more than anything.

“Do we need to take this outside?” Eric tilts his head threateningly.

“Amy” Four says without breaking his stare, “That’s all for today, send Cole in on your way out”

I don’t think I’d ever left a room quite as fast.

I knew it, we were caught; and only just over a week away from graduation. There was not a doubt in my mind that Four would take this to the Dauntless leaders.

We were so close.

I excused myself from dinner that night, all I wanted to do was climb into bed and have a few minutes alone to think before the rest of the initiates returned to the dorm.

I was halfway across the Pit when I heard someone call my name; I turned, trying to figure out where it had come from when I heard a hushed _“Don’t be a wanker, Li!”._

It was then that I saw Harley heading toward me from the tavern, punching Li in his massive shoulder as Meg laughed beside them.

I stared at him for a moment, as if memorizing every inch of his un-bruised, perfect face to replace the image of him from my simulation.

“Sorry Amy” he said bashfully when he stopped in front of me, “Li just broke his own Whiskey-to-time-ratio record”

Li grinned at me and I could help but laugh.

“It’s young love H!” he sighs dramatically, “I’m just keeping it alive!”

“Thanks boss-man,” Harley rolls his eyes, “Hey Megs? Wanna escort him to dinner for me? I’ll be there in a minute”

She salutes theatrically and links her arm around their employers’ shoulders.

“Let’s get some food into you, Li”

“The man needs carbs Meg! He’s got early clients!” Harley calls after them as the two sway towards the cafeteria.

“Early finish today?” I ask.

He nods, “Yeah, had a whole night of cancellations”

“So you all went to the pub?” I raise an eyebrow.

“We prefer to call them ‘Staff Meetings’” Harley grins proudly.

“Sounds productive!” I laugh.

He gives me one of his classic Harley smiles.

“You just missed all the action too!” he says, “That instructor of yours? Talks a good game but can’t hold his liquor to save his life!”

“Who? Four?” I’m surprised; I’d never even seen Four near the tavern, let alone being the sort to make a scene.

“No, Eric! He’s been glued to the bar since he knocked off work!” He laughs, “It took Archer twenty minutes to kick him out”

“How long ago?” I ask, hoping Harley doesn’t figure out my reason for asking.

“It was only like five minutes ago, you only just missed it; If you’re heading that way though…” he nods toward the corridor leading to the dorms, “Watch out for him, he wasn’t getting anywhere too fast; the last thing you need is to run into that drunken narcissist”

I force a smile, “Thanks Harley, well I’ll let you get to dinner”

“I definitely need it; starving!” he grins, “I’ll see you around soon though, yeah?”

“Of course”

“Great” he winks, “Goodnight Amy”

I feel myself blush but as soon as he walks away, I head straight toward the corridor Eric had gone down.

My pace quickened as every corner I turned revealed no sign of him; I had almost given up hope by the time I reached the turn off to the leaders’ apartments, but just as I passed the staircase, a figure caught my eye.

He wasn’t slumped over like last time; instead he sat on the very top stair, looking tired with his elbows resting on his knees.

“Eric?” I say quietly.

His chin tilts up and it’s then I can tell how drunk he is; dark shadows hang under his eyes and his usually perfect hair fell forward across his face.

He looks down at me for a moment and his shoulders rise and fall in a deep sigh. Cautiously I edge up the stairs toward him.

“Four spoke to the leadership board after training today” he says flatly, “There’ll be an investigation; of both of us”

I can’t formulate a single word.

“I’m not meant to say anything but at some stage tomorrow you’ll be approached by one of Max’s guards and brought to his office” he rubs at his temples, “Max and a few of his advisors will question us one at a time to investigate Fours suspicions”

“What do we do?” I finally manage a whisper.

“I’ll take care of it” He meets my eye again, “None of this is on you Amelia; they’ll talk to me first and I’m going to take the full hit”

“But then what will they do to you?”

“There’s no telling at this point; I could be stood down as an instructor, put on probation…” he shrugs, “My name still has enough influence in this faction to prevent either of us being exiled…”

My mind is racing but there’s nothing I can say.

He goes to stand up but I could see his balance falter before he sat back down again.

“Here,” I extend my hand toward him, “Let’s get you home”

He stares at it for a moment before he defeatedly takes it in his own.

He staggered against me every few feet, but he makes it to his apartment mostly on his own power.

I unlock his front door again and lead him to the sofa where he drops himself down.

“I could have made it here on my own you know” he says, ruffling the back of his hair and sending it even more dishevelled.

“Sure you could” I half smile.

“I need a beer” he mumbles after a few seconds of silence, and tries to lift himself out of the seat.

“No you don’t!” I stand in front of him, blocking him from the kitchen.

“Amelia…”

“I think you’ve had enough” I raise my eyebrows in the sternest way that I can.

With this amount of drink in him, I didn’t know how he’d react to being refused; but instead of losing his temper and snapping at me, he slumps back down again.

“Fine. You’d think we were married, bossing me around like that” he says sarcastically.

“I can’t picture anyone actually bossing you around”

“That’s because they don’t” he snorts.

“You should get some sleep” I say.

“There you go again” A tiny Eric smile flashes by before he’s serious again, “Amelia, I… I want you to stay again”

“You don’t think we’re in enough trouble already?”

He frowns at his boots for a moment.

“We’re going to get through this alright, you know that don’t you?

“Yes” I whisper.

“Do you trust me?” his eyes meet mine again.

“Of course”

He nods.

“You’d better go back to your dorm” he says almost forlornly, “You’ll need your rest”

I can’t help myself but to lean down and kiss him quickly; he catches my face in his hands, hazy grey eyes looking at me sadly.

“I’m sorry. For tomorrow; for putting you through this, for everything” he sighs, “This is my fault.”

“We’re going to be okay, remember?” I try to smile.

“Goodnight Amelia” his voice is a low murmur.

“Goodnight Eric” I whisper back and his lips meet mine again, gentler than ever before.

I have to force myself to walk toward the door instead of sinking down beside him.

I let myself out into the corridor with one last backward glance; thinking that after tomorrow, everything between us could change.

The next morning I woke with a few seconds of peacefulness before the heaviness of what that day was bringing weighed down on me.

I couldn’t even bring myself to reciprocate Nellie’s morning chit-chat; by now she was so used to my distant moods that she stopped pressing and told me she’d just meet me at breakfast.

I took as long as I could to pull my hair up into its high ponytail, twisting the end of it around in my fingers until I felt ready to face the day.

I made it just fifteen feet from the dormitory door when he approached.

He was tall and lean, his jet-black hair meticulously combed back with hair grease.

“Amy?” he asked when he stopped in front of me, placing a firm hand on my arm “I’m Axel, Max’s trainee; I need you to come with me.


	34. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a little bit short and sweet but I've been sitting on it for so long I thought it was about time I rounded it off and gave you guys something new!  
> I'm going to try lift my game and get a longer chapter out soon!  
> As always, thanks for reading and leaving comments and feedback! They never fail to make my day :)

Axel led me up the formidable white corridor; Maxs’ office was just up the hall from Erics’, but it almost twice the size.

He sat imposingly behind his huge stone desk, Four standing by his side. Maxs’ eyes scanned me interestedly as we stopped before them. Eric stood against the wall to my right; the guard assigned to stand beside him didn’t look very confident in his dominance over his charge.

“Thank you Axel” Max glanced at a paper in his hand, “Amy? Is it?”

“Yes sir” I say.

“Do you know why you’re here?” he asked.

“No sir” I lie.

Max says nothing but motions Eric to step forward.

“You have both been brought here today to address allegations made by Four of inappropriate and suspicious behaviour between instructor and initiate”

His face is serious as he studies both of us sternly.

“Before we commence questioning, is there anything either of you would like to say?”

“No sir”

“No” Eric says flatly.

“Then let’s begin,” Max gestures to Axel, who steps to my side and motions for me to stand to the side of the room with him.

“Eric, due to the seriousness of the accusations, it has been requested that we administer you the serum for your questioning... You understand how it is”

“Of course” Eric nods.

“Serum?” I whisper out loud before I can stop myself.

Axel glances at me out of the corner of his eye; but instead of scolding me, he leans closer.

“It’s a milder version of the Candor truth serum; we only use it for these kinds of investigations.” he says under his breath.

“Truth serum?” I felt the anxiety build in my stomach as I watched yet another Dauntless guard move toward Eric with the syringe in his hand. There’s no telling how much he’s be forced to give away under the influence of the serum.

“You won’t be subjected to it” Axel murmurs.

“Then why Eric?” I ask; at this the tiniest smirk appears on his face.

“Because you’re still an initiate… and Eric can lie like a fiend”

Even from across the room, I see the corner of his mouth twitch up at Axels’ words.

The guard injects the serum; Eric doesn’t even flinch.

“State your full name” Max begins his questioning.

“Eric” he replies shortly.

“And your surname”

Eric’s jaw clenches, “I don’t have one”

“The surname you went by before you transferred?”

“Stanton” Eric’s reply was strained. The serum had taken effect.

“Do you recognize this girl?” Max nods in my direction.

“Yes” He doesn’t even turn to face me, “Amy is a member of my transfer initiate class”

“Good and when did you first meet Amy?”

Eric’s neck twitches as he fights back the serum; since I was about ten years old I’d had the truth serum’s chemical composition memorized, so I knew that by trying to evade the questions he was being subjected to the tight, sharp burn of the serum in his veins.

“Eric” Max urges, eyebrow raised.

“In Erudite…” Eric finally admits, “A week before my transfer”

Max nodded and glanced at his sheet of questions; beside him, Four’s frown shifts between the two of us, as if somehow making his own interpretations of Eric’s answers.

“And did you seek her out when you found out she had relocated here?”

“No”

“Then how did the pair of you… rekindle your association?” he shrugs nonchalantly, “Enough to have stuck you with these accusations, anyway.”

Eric’s jaw clenches as he tries to bite back his answer; but he never stood a chance.

“The initiate crossed my path when I was off-duty and inebriated… she assisted me to my apartment”

“And how early into initiation did this happen?”

“Do you recall the night Rick needed his nose reconstructed?” Eric asked with a smirk.

Max broke his composure for a moment and laughed.

“I still remember the look on his face when he turned up in the infirmary!”

Four looks at Max disapprovingly and clears his throat.

“So this contact has been going on for some time…” Max looks at the remaining questions on his notes again before dropping them definitively on the far side of the desk.

“I’m just going to ask you straight out Eric, we both know that everyone here has shit to do today; what exactly is your relationship with this initiate?”

There was a tense moment where every eye in the room fixated on him.

“Amelia is one of the most capable students in this initiate class…” Eric’s eyebrows crease together as the serum drags the words right out of him, “… and I’m in love with her”

You could have heard a pin drop; I was so shocked that I momentarily forgot to breathe. Had he really just said that?

Four looked almost as stunned as I felt; I could tell he was processing Eric’s last words and how far from his own suspicions the truth had been.

Max raised his eyebrows and nodded thoughtfully; after a while he reclined back in his chair.

“You know what? I’m just going to put this pen away…” he drops it on top of his earlier discarded interrogative forms, “I don’t think I’m going to be needing it here today; but Eric, there are just a few last questions that I’m legally obligated to ask you”

“Besides the night we’ve already discussed; have there been any other occasions, where the initiate’s been invited to your accommodations?”

“She prefers to invite herself” Eric smirks.

“And have the two of you…” he gestures between us, “Been intimate?”

“No” Eric replies with almost a sigh.

“Good,” Max seems relieved, “The last thing I have to know; has the initiate, willingly or otherwise, been divulged any unauthorized information regarding the faction or its leadership?”

Every other Dauntless in the room stiffens apprehensively.

“No” Eric says flatly, “And I don’t intend for that happen”

“Well,” Max holds his hands up in a conclusive shrug, “That’s all we needed to hear. I don’t think this is going to be an official matter, Eric”

Eric nods once before Four steps forward.

“Are you not going to even question the girl?” he asks tersely.

Max sighs deeply and glances in my direction.

“I think we have all the answers we need, Four; Eric answered every question willingly under the influence of the truth serum” Max pushes his chair back from his desk. “There’s no conspiracy here”

Four frowns at his clenched fists for a moment.

“What about the law that forbids Initiate and full-fledged relations?”

Max sighs again and rubs his left temple.

“He’s right Eric; the pair of you have broken the rules of this faction…”

My stomach is a tight knot of anxiety; they couldn’t kick me out, could they? What would they do to Eric? Strip his leader role?

“My resolution is that for the remainder of the initiation period- a week, Eric will no longer be supervising Amy’s simulations or be present at her training or final exams” Max looks to me with a small smile “And Amy, you’ll go with a warning, no ranks docked or permanent marks against your record”

I can only force a small nod; had he just let us both off that easy?

“Max” Four steps forward again, “I have to protest, the two of them knowingly breached the law and they’re getting away with it with a slap on the wrist; Stryker lost her job-“

“ _Stryker_ worked in the tavern” Max interjects sternly, “Eric is a Dauntless leader”

Four looks like he’s about to object, but he swallows his words back; Eric smirks.

“My decision is final” Max pushes himself out of his chair and gathers his papers and computer tablet, “Eric, Four, get back to work, this meeting’s finished”

He starts to head towards the door but pauses briefly as he passes by me.

“And Amy, good luck in your final exams; I look forward to welcoming you to join Dauntless”

“Thank you sir” I stammer, still not the master of my own voice; he smiles at me again and leaves the office, trailed closely by his staff.

Four glares around at us for a second, then storms out of the room.

My eyes meet Eric’s; I desperately want to talk to him about what he’d said.

“ _I’m in love with her_ ”

The words in his voice echo in my head over and over; had he really meant them?

I was just about to speak when Eric, sensing exactly what I was going to say, gave me one last look and strode out of the office.


	35. Dreaming of Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your patience! I tried as hard as I could to post this as quick as possible :)  
> I never really do this but if i was to match a song to this chapter it would definitely be "Angels" by The xx.  
> As always, let me know what you think!   
> Thanks for reading! x

By the time I wound my way out of the white corridors and reached the entrance to the Pit, I knew that I’d probably missed my chance at breakfast; I decided to head to the training room to wait out the last ten minutes before class started.

As I expected, the rows of benches sat empty and I dropped down onto the nearest seat; the only sound in the room was my own breathing.

I was anxious to be stuck in the tiny room with Four after what had gone down this morning, especially without Eric’s presence to keep him in line.

But if I was more worried about anything, it was speaking to Eric. There was no way that he could have lied when he said that he loved me while under the truth serum; but why hadn’t he said anything? Why had he looked at me that way before he left Max’s office? Like he felt nothing.

The rest of the initiates eventually sauntered into the training room and began filling seats. Mitch, as usual, could tell something was wrong straight away; but I shook my head to say that I didn’t want to talk about it.

I was determined to keep my mind clear of Eric’s emotionless face from earlier and pretend that everything was fine.

My fears about Four were soon proved unwarranted when, besides being a little short with his niceties, my landscape and tidal wave simulation passed by normally and quickly.

I let myself out of the simulation room and had just signalled to Cole when the main doors opened and Eric stepped inside. Every head in the room turned towards him, probably surprised that he hadn’t been in with Four this whole time.

Eric glances at me for a second before striding right past me and letting himself into the landscape room.

I felt my shoulders drop as Mitch catches my eye; his expression is concerned but I can’t even face him right now, with tears stinging at my eyes I put my head down and leave the room as fast as I can.

That night I lay in my bunk for what felt like hours with my mind still racing; the deep breathing and snores coming from the beds around me sounded like truck exhausts and thunder. I squeezed my eyes shut but still sleep evaded me.

With a sigh I pushed myself up on my elbows, deciding that I might finally take up Mitch’s offer of a cigarette; they always seemed to calm him down and it would be nice to be outside in the cool air to clear my head.

I looked up to his bunk but the tell-tale, lanky arm draped over the edge of the mattress made it clear that he was fast asleep; I knew where he kept his pack anyway so I threw my legs out of the blankets and padded my way out of the dorm.

I was ready for the bracing cold air as I stepped out onto the escape balcony. Pulling my sweater tighter around me I retrieved Mitch’s pack of cigarettes from their hiding place between two bricks and stepped towards the railing; the silence of the streets below and the blinking lights from the fence eased the ache in my head immediately.

I’d just taken one of the smokes out of the pack when I heard the exit door open behind me; I turned, ready to tell Mitch I’d buy him some more when I froze. It wasn’t Mitch come to join me, it was Eric.

He stood in the doorway awkwardly for a second before closing the door quietly behind him; I was too surprised to move and he slowly walked to stand at the railing beside me, eyes fixed on the horizon.

“Those things will kill you, you know?” he says after a moment, nodding at the cigarettes in my hand.

“They’re not mine” I say quietly, eyes fixed on him.

“I’ll have one though, since you’re offering” he says with a half-smile and takes them gently from my hand.

“I thought you said they’d kill you?” I try to say lightly.

Eric smirks as he ignites the end of it in one fluid motion.

“Nothing can kill me, Amelia”

I’m grateful for the time it takes to light my own as a way to fill in the silence between us.

“So Eric…” I say hesitantly, there was no use putting it off, “I need to talk to you about what happened this morning”

Eric takes a deep drag on his cigarette and lets the smoke plume around him in the darkness.

“You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?”

He nods but still doesn’t meet my eye.

“Did you mean it?” My voice starts to waver now, desperate for him to say something; anything.

Finally he looks at me and I can tell instantly that his tough façade has slipped.

“What do you want me to say?” he tilts his head, “Of course I did; and I have for a long fucking time”

“But…” I’m struggling to find my words, “You never…”

“What, I never said it out loud?” he laughs bitterly.

I manage a shrug, beginning to feel the blood rush to my cheeks.

“Amelia; you are the most incredible, strong, stubborn girl I’ve ever met and you don’t even realize how beautiful you are”

His stormy eyes fix on to mine and his eyebrows crease together in intensity.

“I have _not_ been able to stop thinking about you since that first day on the train, I can _never_ tell what you’re thinking which is stressful as fuck because you seem to be doing it _all_ the time, I never know whether I want to tell you to leave or beg you to stay, and you have absolutely no idea how much it has _killed_ me to keep my distance from you the last few months”

My mouth drops open.

“So there you go, I’ve said it,” he breathes deeply and flicks his finished cigarette over the edge of the railing, “Is that what you wanted?”

Numb, I let my own abandoned one slip through my fingers.

Eric Stanton, my enigma, had just said all of the things I never realized how badly I’d wanted to hear.

“Ask me” I whisper.

“Ask you what?” he frowns.

“Ask me again to stay”

His expression softens and his eyes scan my face as if he’s trying to comprehend what I’m saying.

But instead of an answer, he takes me in his arms and crushes me against his massive torso; kissing me with all the hunger and intensity of the speech he’d just given.

My heart beat out of my chest as, hand in hand, he led me up the corridor towards his apartment; pausing at a corner he checks the coast is clear.

“Is this a really bad idea?” I whisper, “What if we get caught?”

He looks back at me and grins.

“You heard Max this morning, _I’m a Dauntless leader_ ”

“That doesn’t mean you can break his rules on the same day he made them” I laugh as he pulls me around into the deserted corridor.

“Amelia, please,” he snorts, “I think you should have realized by now that I can get away with anything”

By now we’d reached his door and he swiftly retrieves his keys and lets us inside.

The inside of his apartment is dark; the only light was the faint glow of the moon and streetlights through his wide, high windows.

The door was hardly locked behind us when he takes me into his arms again and I drape my own around his neck just to pull his lips closer to mine.

Moving further into the apartment, I hear a thud as Eric stumbles into the back of a chair; he kicks it roughly to the side but his focus never wavers from me.

Boldness overpowers me and my hands slip to the front of his jacket, tugging the heavy material back over his chest and shoulders; he steps in without breaking our kiss and slips the garment easily off his arms, letting it drop to the floor.

It was only when I felt my legs back into the wooden base of the bed that I realized how far we’d moved. My hands travelled over his shoulders and chest; his skin warm through his dark t-shirt.

“Amelia” He breathes into the curve of my neck, “Tell me to stop”

I say nothing and trail my fingers over the velvet-like hair on the nape of his neck; Eric lets out a small groan and his grip on my waist tightens.

“I mean it,” He murmurs again, “You can just tell me to stop and I will”

I tilt my head back so that I can just make out his features in the shadows.

“I don’t want you to” I whisper.

His eyes flicker over my face uncertainly.

I could tell he was wrestling with his thoughts but before I let him talk himself out of it, I dropped my arms from around his shoulders and began to lift the hem of my oversized sweater; pulling it over my head and arms. His hands were on the skin of my exposed skin before my shirt had even hit the ground.

I press myself back against him, slipping my hands beneath the edge of his t-shirt; relishing the feeling of his bare skin against my own.

It’s his turn to pull his own shirt off and now all that’s separating us is my –thankfully- least practical black underwear and his belted pants.

I manoeuvre myself so that I can lower myself down onto the edge of the bed and he follows down beside me.

For a moment he just looks at me with that gentle eyed look that I never realized I’d wanted so badly.

I find his lips again and pull him towards me so that we both fall back onto the mattress.

“Amelia” Eric murmurs again, shifting a stray strand of hair from my eyes, “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for”

I trail my fingers over his broad shoulders as he holds himself above me.

“Eric,” I laugh, “Stop talking”

He flashes me his beautiful half smile and the next thing I know I’m encased in his massive arms; a blur of moon-lit skin, inelegantly discarded clothing and tangled sheets.


	36. The Countdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know; long over-due and way too short on the word-count.  
> Life and unfavourable circumstances involving this site have gotten in the way; but I may have figured out a way to get you guys more regular, longer chapters!  
> I'm throwing ideas around with long time reader and all-round good lady daphnae-rose to potentially take Burn's reigns for me from the next chapter onwards.  
> I'll be sad to put my keyboard down but I know she'll do my drafts proud.  
> As ALWAYS let me know what you think, if you have any cool ideas/directions; that sort of thing.  
> Thanks for all the reads and love x

I wake up in a warm ray of sunlight that stretched down from the high windows; rubbing at my eyes I sit up, letting the grey blanket pool around my bare waist.

There was no sign of Eric anywhere.

Glancing around the empty apartment, it almost looked like small tornado had swept through overnight; stray pieces of clothing were scattered across the floor, twisted sheets drape haphazardly over the edge of the mattress and one very lost looking pillow halfway between the bed and the kitchen. Last night had definitely not been a dream.

I run a hand through my bed-hair, flashes from the night before flood through my mind. The look in Eric’s eyes as he took in my bare skins, how carefully restrained he was not to crush me with the full weight of his body; then by complete contrast, the times he’d held me so tightly that I thought I should have broken.

I smile to myself but my thoughts evaporate when I hear a key turn in the front door. I grab for the blanket, pulling it up to my collarbones.

Eric steps through the door, fully dressed and carrying a pair of paper bags; he tosses his keys on the table.

“Look who’s awake” he smirks, “For a while there, I was worried I’d have to call the nurse; thought maybe I’d over-exerted you”

I blush. “I didn’t realize how tired I was; where did you get to?”

“Well I thought I’d better let you sleep in, there’ll be no more of those soon enough; just one more week and you’ll be working for me” he comes to sit on the corner of the mattress, dropping the paper bags between us, “I brought you some breakfast, thought I shouldn’t deprive you of both sleep _and_ food in a twelve hour period”

I reach forward to take one of the bags when I feel the blanket start to slip off me; I hurry to hold them back against my chest.

Eric smirks.

“Don’t worry Amelia; after last night I’m _vividly_ aware of what you look like”

My cheeks flame as he stands and makes his way to the kitchen.

I pick up the bag again and the smell of the now cooled toast makes my stomach growl; I tear off a piece.

“I uh… picked you up something else too” Eric says over his shoulder, busying himself with making coffee.

I take up the second bag; it’s ordinary paper holding something small and lightweight.

“What is it?” I ask through my second mouthful of toast.

“Let’s just say your mother probably didn’t develop it with her own daughters’ consumption in mind”

I peered into the bags opening to see a little glass vial rolling around at the bottom; its contents, a single pill.

Oh. I felt my cheeks heat up again.

The laboratory my mother worked at was the sole manufacturer of all drugs in the city; including her own personal work developing contraceptive medication.

“Thanks” I say as casually as I can, spotting my long shirt where it had been abandoned on the floor the night before; I scooped it up before Eric had a chance to turn back around and pulled it over my head.

“Not a problem” he carries two mugs to the small table and sits down, pulling his tablet computer across the surface toward him.

I throw my legs out of the covers and pad my way to the empty chair and waiting cup of coffee; his eyes never stray from whatever he’s reading as I sit down across from him, the coffee was an even more welcome smell than the toast had been.

“So what are you doing today?” I ask casually, investigating how much time I’d have with him today, “I can’t really picture what you do on weekends”

“I have a meeting in an hour” He glances at his watch then back to his screen.

I stare at the mug in my hands for a moment.

“So next when I graduate and start working for you…” I start tentatively. “Are you going to finally tell me what’s going on?”

“Like?” He asks disinterestedly.

“Like about what’s ‘coming’, about why you have to keep me safe… about Mia”

His eyes flash up to meet mine.

“You’ll be told everything you need to know at your job level”

“Why does that sound so much like an indirect ‘No’?”

The corner of his mouth turns up.

“Amelia,” he puts his tablet down and folds his hands in front of him; lowering his voice, “Surely with all that overthinking that you do, you must have at least once considered that this went well beyond the Dauntless leadership?”

I frown.

“Look” he sighs, “Let’s just say being a Dauntless leader isn’t my only job… but it _will_ be yours”

I take a sip of my coffee to hide my confusion; noting how he’d deliberately cooled down its temperature this time.

“I’d better get going,” he drains the rest of his mug and rises to his feet, “I still need to stop by my office”

I nod but still can’t think of anything to say.

“You’re probably going to find that at least some of your fellow initiates have heard about the meeting yesterday; and I’m sure more than a few noticed your absence in the dormitory”

I hadn’t planned that one out very well.

“I’ll deal with Max so don’t worry too much about that,” He shrugs into his heavy jacket, “But maybe keep the full history of the story close to your chest; it won’t make you to many friends when the careers list gets posted”

“Are you saying they’ll all think I got a leadership position because I was… sleeping with the mentor?” My blush returns.

He smiles.

“We haven’t exactly made a good defence against that in the last twenty-four hours”

“I’m serious! Now that you’ve put it that way, even I’m starting to believe that!”

He laughs one of his deep throaty chuckles and comes to plant a swift kiss my forehead.

“Don’t be stupid Amelia; on progress and training statistics alone, you would have always been one of my first choices”

“One of?” I manage a smile.

“Well… other factors pretty much cemented it for me fairly early on”

I laugh and his rough hand cups my cheek.

“This time next week it’ll all be over; everything will be alright”

“I know it will”

“You can let yourself out whenever you like: I still probably won’t be in your simulations or final exams, so good luck” his lips meet mine briefly, “Show them just how much you do deserve to be a leader”

Before he can go to move away I stand up and wrap my arms around him one more time; his chest still warm despite his layers of thick clothing.

His hand finds the back of my neck and for a second I’m lost again in the steeliness of his eyes.

“You know I love you too, right?” I ask softly and his smile brightens up again.

“Yes” he laughs before bringing his lips against mine again; firmer and more assuredly than ever before.

“I really do have to go though” he whispers against them before I allow him to pull away.

“Sorry” I sigh.

“Don’t ever be sorry Amelia” he grins and he scoops up his keys and heads to the door.

“I’ll be seeing you around” he shows me one last Eric smile and disappears out into the hallway.

I drop myself back onto the chair and let out a deep, dreading breath; partly because I had the whole week to wait until I could touch him again and partly because I wasn’t sure I was prepared for what waited for me back in the real life outside this apartment.

I waited there for so long that my final dregs of coffee turned ice cold.

I knew I couldn’t walk back to the dorms in my sleep t-shirt and I doubted that any of Eric’s clothes would fit convincingly enough; glancing at the rack behind the front door I decided if I could find a jumper or a coat that it would be enough to hide most of my bed time attire.

I set to looking through the hooks until I found a lightweight, hooded zip-up jacket; pulling it over my arms I knew it was still way too big for me, but it was enough.

I gave the apartment the once over to make sure I’d left nothing behind and with one last deep breath, I let myself out of the apartment and pulling the locked door closed behind me.


	37. Face The Music

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbelievably over-due and probably ridiculously underwhelming for how long it took!  
> Long story short, I got stuck on this and then got distracted by an original story I'm still working on; then after a while I lost the urge to write altogether.  
> It took a few months, a few supportive comments and more than a few re-readings of all my chapters to remind me exactly how much I enjoyed writing it in the first place!
> 
> So apologies for the delay! I hope you enjoy this latest chapter! x

The walk down to the dorms was a lot easier than I’d expected; the angle of the suns’ rays through the few, scattered skylights told me that it was at least around lunch time and most of the initiates were probably down in the cafeteria.

I had just reached the doorway to the dormitory, distracted by good thoughts about a nice, hot shower and clean clothes; when I almost crash into Nellie as she walks out into the hallway.

She freezes in surprise and I can tell by the lack of her signature warm smile that she’d heard what had happened.

She stared at me for a moment, her mouth pressed together in a hard line while her eyebrows fought against creasing together.

“Hey” I open timidly, desperate to end the silence.

“Where have you been?” she demands.

I open my mouth to explain myself but she grabs my elbow and starts to lead me toward the side corridor.

Shoving the door to the fire escape open, I follow her outside.

Mitch, who was perched on his usual step, jumps at the sudden sound and turns to smile at us.

“Hey ladies, what’s… Oh shit.” The grin is wiped from his face as he processes both of our faces.

“Tell me,” Nellie turns to face me, “And try telling the truth this time; we both know you’ve been lying to me for months”

“Nell-“ Mitch steps forward.

“Don’t _you_ even start!” she barks, “Right now, you’re just as bad as Amy is!”

Mitch flinches and stands down.

“Nellie, I’m sorry” I say finally, “I don’t know what you’ve heard but-“

“Oh I’ve heard plenty of things!” She says dramatically. “But I want to hear it from you; I want to hear everything that I wasn’t _trustworthy_ enough to know about.”

“No! Nell, let me explain-” I protest.

“It certainly seems like it” she folds her arms over her chest, “You’re my best friend Amy, and I had to hear from _Erin_ that you’ve been sleeping around with an instructor since the very first day!”

“It’s not like that! And I wanted to tell you, honestly I did” my voice is weak.

“But you didn’t; you told Mitch, _my boyfriend_ , then the pair of you fed me lie after lie about infirmary visits and late night ‘ _walks’_.” She takes a deep shaky breath, “I don’t think I can trust anything you say anymore”

“Nellie, please hear me out!” I plead.

She glares over the iron railing for a moment before shaking her head.

“Babe,” Mitch places a gentle hand on her shoulder, “Listen to her”

Nellie shakes her head again before directing her frown back toward me.

“No… I can’t; Do whatever you like Amy… and I sure hope that whoring around with Eric earns you some _great_ scores in your final exams”

She shoves Mitch’s hand away and with one last venomous glare in my direction, turns on her heel and slams the steel door behind her.

I have to sit down, dropping myself down onto the metal step; I let my head fall forward into my hands.

“Mitch what have I done? I’m so sorry I've put this on you”

He swings down to sit on the step above mine, fishing his cigarettes out of his pocket.

“Don’t be sorry at all Amy-Doll, we both made the decision to keep this from her; she’ll be fine” he holds the pack toward me and I reluctantly accept.

“Nellie’s going to be fine; she just needs some time to cool off”

I wanted to believe him, I really did; but I couldn’t shake the image of Nellie’s face from my head. I’d never seen her look so angry or hurt; I just hoped I hadn’t lost her for good.

I lit the cigarette between my lips and inhaled deeply, hoping it would somehow make me feel as better as it made Mitch.

“So do you want to hear the incredible, overly-dramatic rumours that have been circulating about you and Eric?”

I sigh. “You may as well, it’s not like I could feel any worse”

Mitch recounts the previous day where he and Nellie noted her absence at breakfast. He soon realized that a good deal of leaders were missing too; specifically Eric, Four and Max. Then after sensing my mood through training and dinner, he’d stopped himself from prying but knew that something was definitely wrong.

By the next morning Jarrod had returned to the dormitory boasting how he’d overheard Four talking with another Dauntless; he was in a bad mood muttering about Eric walking all over Max and if it was any other instructor sleeping with an initiate they would have been exiled before it could even get as far as a formal meeting. Then Four had eliminated any suspicion by saying my name.

Everything only got worse when everyone noticed my bunk was un-slept in.

“There were rumours that you’d been sent to the factionless,” Mitch explains, “Or thrown into the chasm to avoid a scandal; kinda ironic how the least likely scenario was the one that actually happened”

“What?”

“I don’t think any of them expected you to be bold enough to actually be slumber-partying in his apartment!” Mitch laughs but when I don’t laugh with him, his smile drops. “Sorry”

“I don’t know if I can go back in there” I groan, “How can I face any of them now that they probably think I’ve been screwing a leader for my ranking”

“Don’t listen to them, you know that you earned your position on that board; and you never went that far with him anyway”

I felt myself involuntarily wince and Mitch’s jaw drops.

“What... Amy-Doll, what have you done?!”

I buried my face in my hands.

“Last night I couldn’t sleep so I came out to clear my head, then he turned up; I don’t even know how he knew where to find me or what he was even thinking lurking around near the initiate dormitory only hours after the meeting with Max”

Mitch lets out an anxious sigh as he grapples for his second cigarette in a row.

“He told me he loved me… in those words and everything! And that he always has; he really _really_ meant it and everything after that… it just happened”

I wait for his response as he stares over the side of the railing, eyebrows creased together in thought; finally he looks back at me.

“They’re all going to say that you’ve been doing that for your ranking from the very start, but you can’t let them get to you” he says, “but we both know that it couldn’t be further from the truth”

I nod; still unsure I can deal with it.

“One more week Amy-Doll” Mitch’s trademark grin breaks the seriousness and he stamps the rest of his smoke out.

“Maybe I can just hide out here until finals”

“Not a chance” he scoffs, “the first step is getting out there to show them all you’ve got nothing to hide, hold your head high; come on, I’m taking you to lunch!”

The cafeteria was quietening down by the time we arrived and I was starting to feel my anxiety dissipate.

My immediate reaction was to scan the room for Eric, almost as if knowing he was close by would help me through this; but there was no sign of him.

Mitch and I settled on an empty stretch of table with our food. He tried so hard to keep the mood light by telling some silly story but all I could do is let my mind race while I pulled apart my sandwich with my fingers.

I caught the gaze of a group of older Dauntless from two tables over, they whispered animatedly to each other before sniggering and looking back at me accusingly.

My shoulders slump and Mitch notices our audience over his shoulder.

“I guess the gossip travels fast in this faction” I sigh.

“You’re not wrong about that; but they’ll get over it, soon enough you’ll be old news”

I pull a face at him and he winks.

“Ah…” His smile drops as his eyes flash over my shoulder.

If I had any sense, I would have taken his discomfort as a sign to not follow his eye-line; but I guess I’ll never learn.

I turned around to see a small group of people step through the door; right in the middle of them was Harley. As soon as he met my eye, the look of hurt on his face was unquestionable.

In the split second we stared at each other, I felt the guilt constrict its way around my heart before he turned and quickly left the room again.

“I think it might take some people longer than others”

After I’d picked at my lunch long enough for Mitch’s satisfaction, we decided to head up to the roof for some much needed fresh air and sunlight.

The dim corridors had that airy, quiet Sunday feel and only a few people passed by us. We had just reached the section of hallway that passed by the training room when the doors swung open and we almost collided into Jarrod, followed closely by his usual herd of idiots.

He looked startled for a second before he registered me; and a sneer grew on his sweaty face.

“If it isn’t the teacher’s pet!” he exclaims, to the chuckles of his friends, “Thought you might have been doing more _private tutoring_ today; Get kicked out of bed, did we?”

“Fuck you, Jarrod” Mitch sighs.

“Only if it benefits my ranking!”

More bellows from the peanut gallery.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about” I say, amazed I found my voice at all.

“I think we all know that I do; I think _everybody_ knows by now”

I can feel my face start to heat up and Mitch touches me elbow to move me forward.

“Come on Amy, they’re not even worth it-“

One of the initiates beside Jarrod suddenly steps forward to push Mitch against the stone wall.

“Why the rush!” Jarrod says sarcastically as he edges closer to me, “Tell us Amy, how someone as _pathetic_ as you managed to become one of the highest ranked initiate?”

I felt to back of my legs hit the wall behind me as Jarrod continued forward; across from me, Mitch struggled against the ham-like arm of the taller initiate.

“Just how long did it take you to realize the only way you were ever going to make it through was to get your gear off for a leader?”

I tried to push him back away from me but his hand shot up to grip my arm like a vice.

“Don’t touch me!” I hissed, but he and his friends only laughed harder.

“Why not?” he leered, “I’d think you’d be pretty used to it by now!”

By now I could feel my heart racing with a mixture of fear and rage; but before I could even formulate my retaliation, Eric appeared as if from nowhere at Jarrod’s side.

In one swift movement he grabbed Jarrod’s wrist from my arm, and twisted it so far backwards that I thought it may snap off him.

“Is there a problem, initiate?” He asked flatly.

“No!” Jarrod cries out as Eric twists harder, “We were just talking!”

Eric raises a sceptical eyebrow at the boy holding Mitch; he hurriedly releases him and steps back.

“I swear Sir!” Jarrod pleads through his teeth.

Eric holds him for a second longer before dropping his arm.

“Good” he says coldly, “Then all of you, stop loitering in the corridors”

Jarrod wasted no time obeying; cradling his sore arm to his chest and flanked by his cronies, the group quickly retreated up the hall.

Once they were clearly out of sight, Eric turns to me.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, fine” I sigh rubbing at my arm. “You didn’t have to do that”

“Of course I didn’t,” He nods, “You can handle yourself; I just haven’t had a chance to injure anyone yet today”

I muster a small smile.

“But I mean it; if that little asshole bothers you again, I’ll kill him”

I snort.

He smiles, “And I’ll make it look like an accident”

Mitch looks like he’s considering it for a moment.

“Off you go then,” he brushes my arm subtly with his fingertips, “No loitering in my hallways”

And with one last cheeky smile, he turns and carries on up the corridor.


	38. The Last Few Days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so slow, the truth is it ran on a bit so I had to split it; the good news is that it means I have half of the next already written so expect an update soon!  
> As always, let me know what you think in the comments; I'm always excited to read what you think/ how it's going/ where it's going!

That Monday marked the beginning of our Finals week; with only a few days left until we finally knew if we were Dauntless or Factionless, Four summoned us all to the main training hall that morning.

Mitch, who had dutifully not left my side since the rumours had spread, escorted me from the cafeteria.

“Have you spoken to Nellie yet?” I ask guiltily.

“Not as such,” he sighs. “But she’s passed the yelling-at-me stage, now she just frowns; so you could say that we’re making ground.”

“Sorry” I tell him for the fiftieth time.

“Amy-doll, shush! I've told you none of this is on you!”

And for the fiftieth time, I don’t even try to believe him.

“It’ll all work out!” Mitch smiles optimistically, “Just wait and see”

When we arrived at the training room a mixture of Dauntless and transfer initiates were already inside waiting.

The three instructors stood on the elevated sparring platform; Four and Ash to the front, while Eric stood arms crossed to the side.

Four eyed me as we take our places in the crowd; his gaze flashes towards Eric, who returns it with his patented sneer.

After a moment, Eric glances at his watch and steps to the front of the platform.

“Initiates, listen up!”

The crowd falls silent.

“Congratulations on making it to your final week of initiation, and without hardly any casualties along the way.”

He clasps his hands together in front of him and raises his chin higher.

“These last few days will not only be your one chance to influence your future careers, but also the final test to decide whether or not there’s a future for you here at all”

“Until the day of the exam, classes as you know them will be suspended; instead, your instructors and I will make ourselves available for revision training and further landscape administrations”

“If you have any further questions regarding the examination process, direct them to Four; after all, he’s the man with _all_ the answers”

Eric concludes almost sourly as he steps off the platform and strides out of the room, parting the initiates in his path.

Four clears his throat.

“Ash and I will be split full-time between this gym and the simulation room for all individual and group practices, Eric will float between the two as well as his usual Leadership commitments; the three of us will be accessible at _all times_ for any questions or concerns you may have”

“You’ve made it this far and now you’re only days away from joining us at Dauntless permanently. Revision Training isn’t mandatory, you’re free to come and go as you like; but I strongly recommend you take advantage of our knowledge and experience before you take your tests. Good luck to every one of you”

Four eyes us seriously, reinforcing the importance of his words.

Ash steps up beside him.

“Today I will be heading the simulations and Four will remain here to supervise combat training. This is it initiates; give it all you got!”

The room emptied quickly as half of the initiates followed Four, and more than a few (mostly Dauntless-borns) left toward the Pit.

“Where shall we start Amy-doll?” Mitch smiles at me.

“You don’t have to let me slow me down,” I say, “I’ll be fine by myself”

“You’re not slowing me down!; I’m cool to do whatever you like”

“It’s your revision Mitch, you need to be able to concentrate” I say as sincerely as I can, “Seriously, I’ll be okay!”

He frowns at me for a second.

“Are you sure?”

I nod.

“Well alright then,” he sighs, “But I won’t be far away! I’m going to hit up the firing range so come and find me if you even _start_ to feel bored!”

“I promise” I laugh.

“Good” he winks and walks away.

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy without Mitch for company; I was sure the remarks and judgemental looks would be a lot harder to handle without him keeping my mind occupied.

Looking around the training hall I spotted Nellie and Viv by the knife table near the targets. There's no better time to try reconcile like the present right? I take a deep breath and head towards them.

They stop talking when they see me approach; Viv looks uncomfortable and Nellie’s expression is nothing but hostile.

“Hey” I say hesitantly.

Viv gives me a small smile but Nellie says nothing.

“I really want to talk to you Nell; I can’t stand this”

She takes a deep breath and eyes me up and down; but just when I think she’s not going to acknowledge me at all, she speaks.

“I really have nothing to say to you”

“Nell, I just want to explain-“

“Then you should have explained it in the beginning,” she says coldly, “Not just because you got caught”

“Nellie…”

But she turns away from me and I can tell that the conversation’s over.

Feeling deflated, I had to get out of the training hall; I just needed to be by myself for a moment.

The Pit was alive with people milling between shops and crossing back and forward.

Finding an empty stretch of stone bench, I slump down onto it. I couldn’t help thinking that Nellie would never talk to me again and that eventually Mitch would become tired of being my only friend and leave me too.

I felt like I finally had Eric, but would life in Dauntless even be worth it if I lost my only friends?

Just as I was falling deeper into negative thoughts, I sensed someone sit beside me.

Looking up, I was shocked.

“Harley?”

“Hey,” he says quietly. “You look like hell”

I’m so surprised that the words just stammer out of my mouth.

“What… Why? You’re talking to me?”

He breathes a laugh and pushes the stray hair back from his forehead.

“I’d be lying if I said it was easy for me” he said, “Mitch told me that the rumours aren’t true… that there was more”

I chewed my lip.

“I can understand why you didn’t tell me, but I still wish you just would have”

“I’m sorry; I never wanted to hurt you”

He nods at the ground in front of him.

“I guess I’m just a terrible person”

This makes him laugh.

“Maybe a bit.” he pauses, “You really like him, don’t you?”

“Mitch?”

“No,” Harley snorts, “Eric”

I chew my lip more intently.

“I do” I finally say.

“But at one point, you really liked me, right?” he grins and it’s my turn to laugh.

“Of course! You were the best possible thing for me… you’re perfect.”

“Can’t have been _that_ perfect”

I felt the familiar guilt return to stab at my chest.

“Harley…”

“You don’t need to apologise again! I’m not mad Amy!” he puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder, “I know at the end of the day, you never really get a choice who you want to be with; the heart wants what it wants.”

“But he beat you up because of me!”

“In all fairness, he’s beaten me up for much less” he grins.

“Oh Harley!” I say ruefully.

“And I knew the rumours weren’t true” he continues. “There's no way you needed to use _those_ kinds of tactics to boost your ranking”

“Well, you’re probably the only one who doesn’t believe it”

“But you know it’s not true, and that’s all that matters” he shrugs.

“I know, it just still hurts that my best friend won’t talk to me”

“That Nellie girl? Mitch told me; and just like he said, give her time and she’ll let you tell your side; then it’ll be fine”

“Thanks,” I smile, “You really always were too good for me; you know that right?”

“I try” he snorts, “and I really would have waited for you”

“Ugh don’t make me feel even worse!” I groaned.

“I still think he’s an arsehole and that you could do _way_ better, but I hope you’ll be happy Amy; even though it won’t be with me”

His eyes are sincere behind his thick glasses and I can’t stop myself from pulling him into a hug; he smells like ink and soap, just like he always had.

“And I swear,” He says into my shoulder, “If he fucks up and hurts you; me, and at least seven of my mates, will murder him”

I laugh into the fabric of his shirt, feeling my spirits finally lift after such a long few days.

I threw myself into combat training for the rest of the afternoon; when it was just me and the foam mannequin, I could zone out of the hushed murmurs and judgemental stares.

I was sweaty and exhausted by the time I was done; Mitch waited for me by the door.

“I heard you were talking to Nellie earlier,” he says, “Any progress?”

I shake my head and he puts an arm around my shoulders.

“Well you tried. And speaking of rumours… I heard through the grapevine that there is an _excess_ of chocolate cake tonight”

“Well, we’d best go check that out” I laugh.

The next few days passed, each less painful than the last; even Jarrod had backed right off since Eric had almost broken his arm.

I almost managed to avoid Four’s alternating revision classes completely until the very last day.

I waited for my turn in the simulation room, expecting Ash to be in charge; but when I stepped inside I was startled to find Four behind the monitor and even worse, Eric seated in the corner.

“Amy!” Four was just as surprised as I was, “I didn’t know you were waiting today?”

“Uh yeah” I say quietly, one hand still on the door handle as if I hadn’t quite committed to going inside yet.

Four looks over at Eric.

“If you need me, I’ll be standing in with Ash” he says, rising to his feet and tucking his tablet computer into his vest pocket.

Four nods and gestures me forward.

As I walk towards the chair, Eric passes on his way to the door; serious faced until he’s right beside me. He winks when he knows he’s out of Fours’ eye-line and smirks right on out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Take a seat, Amy” Four turns back to his monitor and begins to start up a new simulation.

I settle into the chair.

“Ash tells me you’ve been bringing down your simulation times, quite impressive; how do you feel about it?”

His tone is cautious and I can tell that, since the meeting with Max, he’s just as uncomfortable about finding himself alone in a room with me as I am.

“It’s gotten easier” I shrug, “Especially now that…”

“Now that the truths out?” Four says without looking at me.

I frown but say nothing.

“Alright Amy, you ready?”

I nod and he injects the serum; the room tilts and shifts before plunging me into familiar darkness.

Opening my eyes I see that this landscape is the one where I hold the gun; the spotlights across the room flicker on and I know right away that something’s wrong, something’s changed.

Eric stands in his usual place but instead of facing arms-bound towards me, he’s turned to his right, a gun identical to my own clasped in just one of his large hands.

Right down the barrel of it in the opposite spotlight stands Nellie, her wrists are unbound but she’s unarmed; her face was white with terror.

It was like I’d walked right into an execution; but neither made a move, as if they were frozen in time.

I was so shocked at this new scene that the sudden voice from behind me gave me a start.

“ _Choose_ ,” he demanded, but there was a difference, “ _Save the girl by taking the life of your lover; or spare him and the girl will die at his hand_ ”

I had to sacrifice one to save the other?

“ _You’re running out of time_ ” the voice urges.

As if on cue, Eric pulls back the hammer and snarls.

A lone tear rolls down Nellie’s cheek and her chin tilts down in defeat.

Adrenalin coursed through me and for the first time, I raised my weapon hand on my own.

Nellie looks tiny under her spotlight, her pained expression was so far from how she’d looked at me that day and it made my heart ache; but just as soon as I’d made up my mind, I turned back to Eric and I could remember just how much it hurts me to pull the trigger at him.

“ _Now_ ”

It had to be Eric, I had to protect Nellie; she needed me.

I fired, keeping my eyes open only long enough to see Eric jolt backwards; his gun drops to the ground only a split second before he does. The room goes black.

I jolt up in the chair, my heart beating through my chest.

“It’s changed again” I say breathlessly.

Four runs his eyes over the screen.

“Is that normal?”

“It’s not uncommon,” he explains, “Some initiates whose strongest fears lean more into the social-psychological side, like yours… lack of control, rejection, relationships… tend to be a bit more _subjective_ ,”

“And when there's change in those areas, the simulation adapts and shifts into the most effective visualizations that it can; and in your case there has been a lot of recent changes, hasn’t there?”

That explains a lot.

“But don’t worry too much about it; some Dauntless revisit their landscapes years after initiations to find a whole new set of fears that they’ve accumulated. After all, the emotional fears are the hardest to fully overcome and new ones can form at any time”

He gives me a reassuring look and tells me that we’re finished for the day.


	39. Final Exams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Start a new original work, I said; Get a second job, I said. It'll be fiiine.
> 
> Sorry for the delay again; I guess I'll never learn!  
> This chapter was all about moving the story along and stringing a few things back together so forgive me if it's a bit tame and quiet!  
> Now I can really start having some fun!  
> As always, let me know what you think/suggest/love/hate etc.  
> Thanks for reading! x

The next morning I pushed the thin blanket away from my face and rubbed my eyes against the early morning sunlight streaming through the dorm windows.

This was it; finals day.

Most of the initiates were already awake, sitting anxiously at the end of their bunks or pacing the room; to my left, Jarrod and Erin were practicing defensive manoeuvres.

As I sat up in bed I felt the weight of just how important today was. Even though I was ranked third, a bad score today could jeopardise everything; Eric had already landed me a job but if I somehow managed to graduate any less than third in the class, there's no way I’d be accepted into the role.

I stand up and stretch. Lost in the hope there’d still hot water left, I almost crash into Mitch’s legs dangling from the top of his bunk.

He’s just sitting there, frowning at his hands.

“You okay?” I ask quietly.

He looks down at me.

“Remember how you once said ‘our first rankings gotta be the hardest’?”

I nod.

“And then I said ‘it can’t be harder than our last’?”

I nod again, concerned at the lack of colour in his face.

“I must have been psychic”

The notable quiet hovered over our group right until we made our way down to meet the instructors in the Pit.

Mitch and I trailed near the back on our way through the south corridor; though he remained distant in his thoughtful silence.

My nerves had just started to catch up with me when I sensed the faintest of footsteps behind us; looking over my shoulder I catch sight of Eric following close behind.

He gives me a deliberate look.

“I’ll meet you down there” I whisper to Mitch, he follows my gaze and nods before carrying on by himself.

I fall into step beside Eric, keeping my eyes fixed forwards.

“I have to be in the Pit-“

“So do I; but nothing starts until I get there” he says quietly, scanning the corridor around us, “This way”

He leads me down a narrow maintenance hallway, not stopping until we’d passed a row of generators; I have to quicken my pace to keep up.

He’s silent for a moment, listening for anyone else that may be near us; then smiles crookedly.

“Nervous?”

“Increasingly so” I laugh shakily.

“I’ve had access to all of your results since the beginning remember? You’re going to do fine.” he rubs my shoulder with his big palm.

“Look, Max’s ruling in that meeting means I’m barred from being in the examination room with the other leaders when you’re inside; but I need you to do something for me, without question”

I could feel the frown grow on my face.

“The _second_ your simulation’s finished I want you to come straight to me; _don’t_ stop and talk to anyone, _don’t_ get into any groups, and _do not_ stop walking until you’re by my side. Understand?”

His expression is severe and I can tell that this request is not one to be probed or argued with.

“I understand” I whisper and his face softens.

“You’d better get down there with the rest of the initiates”

My shoulders slump involuntarily; with all the stress of the upcoming examination, there was no where I’d rather be than escaping it all in this maintenance corridor with Eric.

I nodded dejectedly and was just about to turn away from him when suddenly he pulls me into his arms.

I thud against his massive chest, letting out a surprised gasp. I tilt my chin upwards, where his lips meet mine readily. He smells like his signature mixture black coffee and his woodsy shampoo.

I lose myself in the heat of his crushing kiss and the goose-bumps set off by his rough hands finding bare skin beneath the hem of my jacket, by the time he pulls away it feels all too soon.

He smirks the way he always did when he knew he’d affected my ability to breathe.

“Off you go.” He nods up the corridor.

I sigh and drop my hands from where they’d gripped around the edges of his vest.

Dejectedly, I headed back toward the main corridor; feeling his eyes fixed on my back.

“And Amelia…”

I turn back to him and he’s grinning; a challenge in his eyes.

“I hope you realize that the moment you complete this simulation, you’ll be mine… think you’re up to it?”

I lift my head high.

“I feel pretty confident” I smirk back at him before I turn on my heel and continue out of the hallway.

Impatience had set in amongst the initiates by the time I made it to the Pit, so I managed to weave my way through their conversation huddles to find Mitch.

“Everything okay?” he asks, studying my face for any sign of trouble.

“Yep, perfect” I smile.

“Good” Mitch sighs and looks around, “God, I wish we could just get this started; I’m feeling less and less ready by the second”

No sooner had the words left his mouth did a silence fall over the initiates; Eric had arrived, parting the crowd in his usual way as he goes to stand by Four and Max.

Four acknowledges his late arrival with a sour look.

“Initiates, gather round!” Max’s voice is booming over the chattering below him.

“This is it, judgement day; time for you to show to us that you’ve been taking your training seriously and to prove to us just how strong a commodity you can be to Dauntless,”

“In a moment, your instructors will take you through to the examination waiting room; during Phase Two training your simulation order ran alphabetically, today this will be reversed. Once your name has been called, your instructor will lead you into the exam hall,”

“In addition to the Dauntless leaders; we have invited several guests from Erudite, both leaders and serum developers, to sit in and observe your final simulations.”

He scans his eyes over us significantly.

“Good luck to you initiates; be brave, be Dauntless.”

He leaves us in the hands of Four, Eric and Ash.

“This way,” Eric orders, before leading us and the other instructors down one of the Pits’ side passages.

The huge examination room took up the far corner of the compound; built large enough to accommodate the simulation system and chair as well as space for dozens of spectators and stretching flat screens that would broadcast our deepest fears to the critical audience.

Before we’d even had the chance to take in the whole space, Eric ushered us through the side door into a smaller room lined with steel benches.

“You will wait here until either Four, Ash or I come to collect you,” he crosses his arms and regards us with his intimidating stare, “The first initiate will be called shortly, so get comfortable; it’s going to be a long day.”

He meets my eye for half a second before he and the instructors leave the waiting room; letting the heavy steel doors close dauntingly behind them.

It took about half an hour before Ash returned to call on the first initiate; Zane paused briefly to take a deep breath before he followed her out the door.

From then it was every twenty minutes or so between each simulation. We all sat silently in our alphabetical order nervouly watching the cue ahead of us get shorter and shorter.

“Nellie”

My head snaps up at the sound of her name; Four stands in the doorway giving her an encouraging nod, “You’re up”

Two benches ahead of me, Nellie takes a second to stare at the floor as if to mentally brace herself; from my angle I could swear I saw Mitch squeeze her hand briefly before she rose to her feet and left the room.

My fingers tapped silently against my leg impatiently as I recited everything Eric had told me about my simulations.

_Breathe, stay calm, pull the trigger… face the fear head on._

I was so distracted by repeating my game plan that when I felt Cole stand up beside me, I was shocked to realize we were the only two initiates left in the room.

Four waits at the door and Cole gives me one last small nod over his shoulder.

Seconds turn to hours as I wait in the empty room, I feel like I need to pace but I can’t get my legs to move; Cole was always slow in his landscapes.

I try to calm myself down by thinking of something else, anything else; what I want for dinner, Mitch touching Nellie’s hand, Eric having to leave the examination room right before I had to step in to it…

“Amy,” Fours sudden voice makes me jump, “lucky last”

I respond with a strained nod and walk towards him, wiping my clammy hands on my pants.

The hall was now busy with people; every one of the Dauntless leaders were there- well almost, as well as the other important guards and officers. There was also a spattering of blue amongst the crowd from the Erudite technicians.

In the very centre of the room was the reclining chair, sitting there every bit as formidable as a mountain summit; and right by its side, almost more as intimidating, was Janine Matthews.

She watches my approach at Fours’ side with her practiced smile and clever green eyes.

I wonder if she would recognize me or know who my parents are; it struck me that Sonia may very well be somewhere in this crowd as well.

“Amy,” she motions for me to sit down, “Are you ready?”

I ease myself into the chair and nod as confidently as I can manage.

Four leaves my side and an Erudite technician lowers the serum gun to the side of my throat.

“Then let’s begin” the second the words leave Janine’s lips, I feel the faint pinch on my neck and let my eyes close.

The room is on fire, the bunk above my rains sparks down on my and I hurriedly throw off my blanket consumed with flames.

Even the stone floor of the dorms is hot against my feet and I weave through the falling pieces of ceiling plaster and blazing mattresses. The smoke gets thicker the closer I get to the exit and I thought I heard a faraway scream.

I hit the hallway running and catch sight of the fast wall of flames hurling towards me; I sprint right at it and only just duck down the side corridor in time; I let the fire escape handle blister my palm as I throw myself outside.

The temperature suddenly drops and I find myself standing on the crooked wooden boardwalk that reached out over the long-dried lakebed.

I get half a second to catch my breath before the angry grey water exploded through the city fence; the shattering of the cement was deafening. I watch it crash across the field and up to the edge of the dry lake.

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly; as soon as it hits the end up the pier I was going to run straight towards it.

The wall of water crackles through the dry earth and I start counting down from three.

The wood splinters and I force my feet forward, I start running so fast that it feels like I’m flying; over the roar of the water I stop hearing my boots against the pier. I throw myself into the surging wall and the weight of it smashes down on me like wet cement.

My landscapes’ flash by so fast and I feel myself getting more and more exhausted as I push through them.

_Fight them off, lie to the man with the knife, pull the trigger._

It felt like hours had passed by the time I’d gotten through each scenario; it was only after I watched Eric’s body crumple beneath his spotlight, that I felt reality finally crash back over me.

I jolted forward in the chair, almost overwhelmed by the stark contrast of that dark room from my landscape and the clinically bright lighting here.

There were a few enthusiastic claps from the Dauntless side of the audience while the Erudite’s in attendance nodded professionally amongst themselves and clicked away on their computer tablets.

I felt the weight slip right off of me; I’d just finished initiation. I felt so confident that my landscape had gone well that I couldn’t stop myself smiling at Janine.

“Well done Amy,” she returns it with her own practiced grin, “A promising simulation; I don’t think you should have anything to worry about with final marking.”

I nod appreciatively before Four silently escorts me out of the main doors; leaving a whole lot of nerves and anxiety behind me.

When I step out of the exam room, a wave of relief crashes over me as I’m overwhelmed by the excited atmosphere of the Pit; Initiates are celebrating, laughing and talking to the Dauntless and each other.

Across the crowd I catch a glimpse of Mitch and Nellie in each other’s arms; together in their quiet little moment. It was the first time I’d seen Nell smile in such a long time and even from this far away I could see the proud way he grinned back at her.

I spot Eric standing a few feet away from the stone wall; he looks around the crowded space anxiously. When he finally sees me his worrying expression melts into relief.

In three long strides he crosses the room to stop in front of me; his brow furrowed as he scans me up and down.

“Did anyone stop you?” he asks tersely as he tilts my chin to the side and scrutinizes the sides of my neck.

“My test went _fine_ , thanks for asking!” I bat his hand away and feel my cheeks flush at him touching me in the full view of everyone.

“And no, I came straight to you.”

His shoulders relax.

“Congratulations Amelia,” he puts on his crooked smile which he knows full well will distract me, “You’re Dauntless now.”

“Did you see my simulation?”

“Not yet, I’ll see it in the final marking,” I notice his eyes keep a cautious watch over the Pit, “But I hope you made me look good in it.”

I returned his smile just as Axel, Max’s ponytailed assistant, appears at our side.

“Congrats Amy,” he grins and smacks his chewing gum; he holds a serum injection gun, “You got your tracker yet?”

“I’ll take it from here,” Eric says dismissively.

“If she hasn’t been marked off yet, I have to do it; Max’s orders” Axel says meaningfully.

Suddenly Eric is standing just inches from him, staring down at Axel intensely.

“I _said_ I’ve got it covered” he growls, his voice so low that it’s almost just a rumble through his chest.

Axel flinches and casts a suspicious look at us each in turn; after a moment he nods compliantly and walks away.

Eric watches him go before turning back to me.

“What’s going on?”

He smiles but looks away.

“Is this one of those things that for whatever reason you won’t tell me about?” I raise an eyebrow.

He snorts a laugh.

“This is precisely one of those things, Amelia.”


End file.
